The War in Our Stars
by travisskywalker58
Summary: Luke's twin brother Fireeyes wants his lightsaver while Luke goes on a quest. / The Jesus Squad must work together to stop The Hancker!
1. Chapter 1

**The War In Our Stars**

Chapter one: The Eveiler Skylwalker

Luke was eating a sandwich. Meanwhile in the death star vader created a knew weapon. It was a gun.

"Who will use my gun?" said vade

"I will father" said Fireeyes Skywalker.

"Who at you?" replied Vader with a darkness ion his scowl.

"I am the eviler brother of Luke and I will use the gun."

"I bore you" said Vaderr. And he had.

Fireeyes wanted to use the gun to get Luke's lightsaver so thety got on a ship through spoace.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chatper dos : Luke meets his friends.**

Ham solo was in the Skywalker labortatyuyury that Luke and his (IF YOU DIDNT WATCH EP SIX SKIP THIS LINE) sister Leeah's had built.

"Chewie we made a new formula" Han said proudly to the beaker. "rOAOR" Said the beast who was named Chewiebaca. Luke ran in. "Hey guys I sense a distrubane in teh force."

"Haha you still believe in that mumbo gumbo?" Han laughed. Chewie was he roared.

"Very funny Han but were is forumla?"

"What OH DANGIT!" Han turned around and saw a ewok had taken it.

Luke looked to the sky. He remembered what nobody remembered, not even Leahg. That he had a twin who was named Fireeyes and that in the vastly ammount of space stars he saw the same ones. "You are eevil my prother but we share a same parents and blood and also maybe hair color but i do not know." And maybe he also liked cupcakes as mjuch as Luke. Luke chuckled at his joke from in his head.

"Beep boop." said Threepio.

"Leave mastah luke alone he is thinking!" sCreamed Art2.

Leigha walked into the house. "He friends what's going on?"

"Han smiled. Just ready for dinner!"

They all laughed, but Luke knew the bad moon rose.


	3. Chapter 3: We Didn't Stat the Fire

Chapter Three. We Didn't Start the Fire

ATTENTION: FIreeyes Skywalker is MINE OC. Do not take him. He is all for me (teheh) he is not in the actually starwars so you cunt sue me George Luckus! :D

This is extanded universe.

Now the stopry

Fireeyes Skywalker luked in the mirror and saw his face. He looked kind of like look, but his eyes were red and when he got mab h they burned withy the fire of his soul. His hair was long and dark and flowing and the light reflected off of it and it coevered him eye. Sometimes he had pointy teeth. ANd big mucsle! He wore boots with skulls on them. They were from his girlfriend Susana Darkhell (But she's not in the story yet she s also my OC)

"My son." sade the vade, "We must get robotd from Java the Hut. Come."

So he came.

They went into that big truck with the guys with hoods init, to buy robotsd from Java, who actually has legs!

We walked at them and says "Welcome to my robvotd trade shop."

Vader gave him money "For robots."

"Would you buy some trade federation droids?" askled an alien with a horn bigger than his face!

"No." said Vader "Those are shit."

But it was 2 late, because Fireeyes already biought them.

"My son!" said Vades "Why do you disobey me."

"Because I am choas!" he said, and at this part his teeth are sharp and his eyes are red with the fires of the darkest shadows.

"Come." said vader and they went back on their ship while Java the hot walked after tehm and said "Thats not enough money come back!" but they didn't and they laughed because they were evil.

They flew their ship and they arrived at a bigger ship that looked like a pie with two things sticking out. It had a bald man as the captain. He watched them.

"This is not the def star?" said Dark Vader.

"This is some other shif" said the stormtrooper.

They sent the stormtroopers onto the enterprise to take it!

To Be Continued


	4. Chaptee Fourth

**Chaptre the Fourth**

AN: The reeson I keep switching between Lukes story and Fireeyes story is because that is storytelling to tell you where they are at but don't worry. THEY WILL MEET.

* * *

Fireeyes beamed abroad with his father Dart Vadew. He held up his gun. "Soom you will be a lifesater. " he said and her shot Professor Worf who was ready to defend his friends.

The doctor Bones took his hand. "He's dead Jim."

Captain of the tenterprise walked over. "What? But he is not red shirt! This voilates intergalatic law!"

"Nobody ever aseked me about my law." Fireeyes roared. He shot a dozen other security and one nurse.

"Oh no!" Said the nurse! "I have a child."

Fireeyes felt bad. He was a child once, as were them all. Even though he was evil he still had good and it tore him apart. He took the lady and closed his eyes. He used his force power to heald her.

"Thank you." The lady smiled. "But I have a confession."

"Ehats that?" Fireeyes said as his eyes grew bright red of delight.

"I lied about having a children so you would save me."

Fireeyes should have been angry, but his evil side admired her for her desepticotion and his good side liked her body. "I am looking for a lightsaber." he said, "But finding one for you will be a lot easier." ;)

He took her to a bedchamber. He laid her down gently but forcefully on the bed. She smiled at him as he kissed her neck. "Oh it is like fire scorthching my skin Fireeyes!" She yelled.

AN: I am a Christian so I can't go into detail but he is a bad guy so it is allowed for sex that is premartial.

They had sex. "That was amazing" she said.

"I know." Said fireeyes. He learned that from his brother in law even tohugh they didn't meet it was in stories. He hated the good side but he loved that quote from Hand Solom. "Now I will go."

Fireeyes walked out to meet his father Darth Vader. "SON WHERE WERE YOU I had to kill a hundred people by myself."

"Sorry dad, I was jst drying my hair."

"But you were gone for two days." Fireeyes grinned. The nurse also grinned.

They took the enterprise and told the storm trooper to searc hthe other side of the galazy with the other ship while they took this one.

Meanwhile Luke prepared for a meeting with the gungun alliance led by Jar Jar.


	5. Luke and Han- Wet

**Chapter fife- Luke and Han-Wet**

'

* * *

AN: If people are complaining about the star trak in this story it is my syory and I can put them together! AN: The lady in the last chapter was based on my friend Jennifer who wampted to be in a stry!

"I hate getting wet." said Hand Swolo. But they were already swimming so no one could hear his screems but Chewie who always new his feelings. Chewie said "Wrooooooh"

They swamd through coral reefs and saw clown fish and jellysih. It was a beautiful sight but Luke, was thinking about Fireeyes. He. Couldn't. Stop. Thinking.

The water was really cool like in a nuture documentary about the sea, and R3 always ran into a sea turtle to bite him. Watch out!

"It's about time you got here." said Gun Gun, blowing them off. They landed in his house, through the roof, because they fell through a bubble. Jar Binks had a wife who was a mermaid, and she was surprised by the men without fish heads.

His childrend screamed, but Cheiwe clamed everyone down.

"Take us 2 your boss" said Like.

"Just this way," said Jar Jar, "I'll be back by five." he said to The Wife.

"And then I can enjoy yu." siad she.

Hands was uncomfortable.

So, with that thought they went to the boss, who looked like Gun Gun but his face was bigger, and there were other fish giuys around him bt older.

"What the hell do you want?" asked the fish boss.

"We came for the diplomatic papers." said Luke.

:You smell like fish." Han muttered but was only hurd by Chewy who thought he was being talked to, and he said "Wrooooo" sadly.

"Me sa not give you nothing!" saod boos fish, "Unless you sa do a quest."

"We will do anything once!" said Luke immediatly and posed.

"Go to the cave and challenge the mobster init."

"We refu-" tried to sai hans

"We accept!" said Chewy.

Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, someone was still alive. He got up, and sniggered. It was Kan! (The one from the movie) he said "I will get that boy!" determined him, and maybe he meant sex.

 ***ARthurs Note: I have no problems with the gays. Some of my friends know gays. Also. I am a Christine, and I'm sorry about the sex. Still.)**


	6. Cha 6

Chapter Sex

Fireeyes is my Diamond in the Sky

Kan sung songs from Rent into himself as he watched the muscled experienced Vader with his sexy young son. (AN I don't think the boys are sex but I'm doing a pov and I am empahthic.")

"Son you have to pay ATTENTIN!" Vader told his son after they almost crashed into another assdroid.

Fireeyes groaned. "You know I have ADHD and can't pay attention as easy as some people!"

"tHAT's fine, but you still shouldn't crash us."

A man walked beside them. It wasn't Kahn. It was two men; one was black and bald and had a lightsaber and one was short and white and nerdy.

"Who are you?" Vader asked, ready to shoot with the gun.

"I AM MACE WINDOW MOTHERFERS!" Mace Windu yelled. "I WORKED ON THI SHIP AFTER THE PUNK ASS JEDIES KICKED ME OUT. THIS IS MY FRIEND SEEMORE."

"Friend?" He asked.

"It's okay to tell them," Seymoure said. "We're in a homorelationship I was living on a poor town in new york when he feel down from some battle and I caught him." Seymour said shyly.

"YEAH BUT I AINT NO SISSHY GAY IM A MAN." He said.

Fireeeyes and Vader were uncomfy. Nut they realized these men also hated the Jedi so they could maybe be allies?

Another ship approached just as they began to talk over their alliance. The ship fired missiles like in the Cuban missile crissis but more in space.

"I HAVE HAD IT!" Shoulded Mase. Seymour calmed him down WITH touch.

Vader turned off his targeting computer and shot the ship down. "DAD I could have done that!" said Fireeyes. "No my son. You're weak."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chater 7**

 _(AN I have to write this on my phone because my teacher made me work backstage on a school play for detention! So sorry if the typing isn't as good!)_

Like and Hab go into the room. "It is quiet." Said Luke.

"Cmon kid! we have to find the rare emeral for Bods Gun Gun.

Jar Jar the gun was with them along with R2 and C3p. Also Cherie. "Roooarw!" He said.

Hand and Luke drew their light sabers because they heard a noise. It was a dozen supper battle droids! Like and Han fought them with light sabers. R2 laser blasted them and Threepeeo laughed as he shot a bazooka at his robot brethren. "I CLEANSE THE WORLD!

Gun gun used his fist to hit the droids and broke them.

"Droid blood is gross." Ha quipped. Luke looked down and saw a label on them.

"What does it say Mustard Luke?" Threepuo said.

Luke read in shock. "It said... BOUGHT BY FIREEYES SKYWALKER". My brother.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Ate

So after that they went to the cave to fight the monster. Princess Leia who was styill there. Lead the way. "Ive bean here before" she said, to them all, with a lightsaber. It shined with hearts and flowers because it wus here special saber.

Hans looked on it with big and beautriful and desprate eyes. He didn't have a special saber. She waved it near him.

Then they walked to the cabve under water. There was something inside.

"I'll go in first." said 32D2

"No." said Look. Let the Wookie go.

Why you gotta be all like that."

The wookie went in and there were fighting sounds. Along with 'Wrooooooo'

"What is my ear hearing?" sed Hns, exasperated. There were deep lines on his face. His missed the wooky.

So Luke went in after and he saw a planht, with its arms, grasping at the fur of Chewybaka.

He was bleeedin.

"My friend of Hans!" Said Luke, exasperated, and with sweet.

The plant had a mouth, and sed "I can sing!"

It wanted his blood. It already drank itself on the blood of the orbots from b4. It had muscles. Then everyone c ame in and fought the plant really fast and cool and it sang while they fought it. (Descrive relly cool action scene with the planty)

"I'm glad that bad plant is dead." said Luke, "But it ate my hand."

"It ate both my hands." said Hands.

"WE MUST FIND NEW HANDS OR POTION!"

To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Mine**

When Vadr went to his new throne chamber he thought back to his childhood.

"Son, don't fortit where you come from?" Said mom.

"I won't." said Anygin

They did a hug. Sad miusic swelled.

Back in the present Darth ate jis meal through as trdt tube because he is burned (SPOILER FOR EPISOD 3). "I must train myu son to be stronger." So he called in Mace, who is a good fighter. "Mace, please help my son. He is weak."

"I WILL IF HE DESTROYS THE JEDI." So Mace went to Fireeyes Chambers. "EW." Mace said. He saw Fireeyes making swet love to the nurse again. (AN she looks like Troy from Star Trek but with my friend's face)

"Oh yes. Oh yes."

"YOU STRAIGHT MFERS GET UP RIGHT NOW." Mace yelled at them. "IT'S TRAINGING TIME"

"I don't want to train to be gay," said Fireeyes.

"US GAYS DONT WANT YO CRACKA ASS I MEAN TO FIGHT FOOL!" Mace grabbed Fireeyes from the bed and seperated him from the nurse. He was naked. "BECAUSE YOU SLEEP NAKED YOU FIGHT NAKED BECAUSE WHO YOU ARE IS WHO YOU WILL DO A FIGHT WITH.' Mace said profoundly.

"Man I was just about to -" he said but Mace shushed him and brought him to the holllow dick. They sparred.

Fireeyes kept beating Mace in the holodeck no matter how hard mace tried to win." I am Vade's son.'

WHYD BE WANT ME TO TRAIN YOU" Mace yelled. "YOU'RE BETTER THAN ALL THE JEDIS AND SITH AND BATTLE DROIDS COMBINES."

"Yes I knwo this." Fireeyes stares down. "But the tradgety is nobidy else does. They don't know how strong I am."

Vader walked in. "Son, you think you are strong but you are week because… THE LIGHT SIDE TUGS AT YOU!"

"It's true!" He cried. "It does! I must rid myself."

So they planned a fighting tournament with all the star wars characters (except the ones who it wouldn't make since)


	10. Yoda and the Lord

Chapter 10: Yoda and the Lord

So they came to Yoda. "Please are hands." they said.

Yoda was in his little indiian tent thing praying.

"Pleas." said they "You have to come out."

"No. It is you who must come out." said Yorda.

Then before them were evil versions of themselves.

"Come out against yourself." he said, while praying.

So they fought themselves. Luke's evil self was like him but with a black lightsver and bat wings. Hand's bad self had a gun in his mouth. The robots fought black ones. Chewy wrestled a bear. Jar jar foult a mysterious man in a hood. Leahh frought a version of her who was topless

Luke fougfht with bad luke for three days and three nights while it rained. While he did it, he cried, because he thought it was like Fireeyes.

After that he cAME BACK to them. "I used a gun with my tongue." said Hnads.

They came into Yoda.

"I have been here for a lomg time, and I have learned of a better power than the force." he said, and there was a Bible. "Jesus is more pwerful."

"Pff, nonsense." said Hans, and he leftr.

"You must pray the sinners prayer with me." he said, and they all did, expect Hans, and robots who don't have souls. (Animals don't either but I think Chewie is a guy? and Jar Jer?)

Set Me Free (Casting Crowns)

It hasn't always been this way

I remember brighter days

Before the dark ones came

Stole my mind

Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead

Fighting voices in my head

Hoping someone hears me crying in the night

And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me

Is anybody out there hearing me?

Set me free

Morning breaks another day

Finds me crying in the rain

All alone with my demons I am

Who is this man that comes my way?

The dark ones shriek

They scream His name

Is this the One they say will set the captives free?

Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by

He looks sIt hasn't always been this way

I remember brighter days

Before the dark ones came

Stole my mind

Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead

Fighting voices in my head

Hoping someone hears me crying in the night

And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me

Is anybody out there hearing me?

Set me free

Morning breaks another day

Finds me crying in the rain

All alone with my demons I am

Who is this man that comes my way?

The dark ones shriek

They scream His name

Is this the One they say will set the captives free?

Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by

He looks straight through my eyes

And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?

Lift your chains

I hold the key

All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free

You are free

You are free traight through my eyes

And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?

Lift your chains

I hold the key

All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free

You are free

You are free

After they found the Lorde they gained new powers. They could defeat demons and shoot lights out of there eyes, and walk on water. But no Hnas.

Luke got his hands back, and he was saved from Hell.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Luker**

Lukes group got back to Gungun world.

"Mustard Luke," said thepeeo, "I must confess I am nervous to meet the king again."

"We defeated the villian and got his dimond." said Luke with a laugh. "Now we can deliver it and he will sign the treaty!"

Han grumbled because Luke and Leigha had Light savers and he did not.

"We're about to get there." said Jar. "The boss gets a little testy, much like your US presidents, but we should be able to convince him to do the peace."

Luke nodded. "Leigha is an experty at jedi mind tricks. It's too much in a mans nature to be honest; she is a woman and they are better at manipulating." Leigha giggled at the complmant.

Thery parked their ship at the underwater city.

"Did you get me the dimond? Boos gunang said.

"Yes." They handed it to him. He surveyed it. "There is a scratch! The must be put to deth!" y

"OJH HELL NAW!" Sad Laiah. She whipped it out (her life saber) and cut his neck. The other Gungands looked at her. "SHE IS OUR NEW QUEEN."

They hoisted her and even Boss's head screamed (BECAUSE some reptiles cane live with just head?) "Long live the new Queen of Nabu!" And now they had an army and peace.

"What now?" Han sasked. Luke looked to the sky from the dome in the water. He could imagine somebody like himself out theire beneath the DARK moonlight.

"I think I know. But I don't like it… And i mUST face it alone."


	12. The Torney

**Chapters 12**

I'm in play rehearsal now! It's a funny play but I don't like that they forced me to do it in detention. Now into the story.

Dark Vader filled up the colleseum on the Enterpriser with all the siths and atheists in the galaxy. They would compete in a tournament to be his apprenstant. "If Fireeyes is worthy, he will beat them."

The stadium rested like a Roman stadium with lions. There were lions in this one, but they weren't even not the worst part. Lasers and monsters shot for death. If a villain could survive these and kill a lot of people with their blood stains on their clothes then they could truly be Vader's apprentice. "I am the Vade." Said he.

All the villains were rounded up by the Stars Trooper. They stoood in a viscous, bloodworthy line. Darth Mall, General Greedo (a combination of Grevys body and Greedo's head), Kylie Rend, Mara Jade, the emperor, plalptatine, Corbeh, Grand Mof Talkin, Hux, Waldo, Mace, Seemore, Count Duko, oba and Jangoe get, the evil vershuns if the heros, Java, he plant from the cave, thousands of. Lone and storm troopers and battle droids and also other villains all readied their weapons.

Fireeyes walked out with a black lightsaber. "Soon I will use Luke's." And he. Barged into a dangerous condundrhm of fighters! Whoa!

Kan snuck into the fight. A droid tried to kill him but he blasts it with fire. Fireeyes cuts down seven million droids but that is not enough!

"I need..." he sighed. "LIGHTNING!" Fireeyes force lightningex and killed the Count.

General Greedo shot both fets jet backs and they fell into Jaba's mouth. He laughed. "Thanks for dinner Greedo! What's for dessert?"

"A blast!" General Greedo shot a rocket at Java and he was hurt.

Fireeyes stabbed the evli versions of his bro and friends except Evil Jar Ja! And Luke's even self looked at Fireeyes. "I would be you but I am not. There is good!" "Good this!" Fireeyes bit his heart out and swallowed it. "Tastes like death!"

Seemour met the plant. "So... we meet again."

"I'm from outer space kid!" The plant laughed "of course you would find me eventually!"

"I need help!" Seemore said. Made and Fireeyes showed up.

"I know only one can stand," he said, "but for now let's team up against this fool!"

"THIS IS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY LOVE BACK ON EARTH!" Mace stabbed the plant while Fireeyes did slices. Seymour used a dagger.

The plant sang.

 _"You don't know what you're messing with_

 _You three Jedi scum!_

 _You don't know what you're dealing with_

 _You'll regret you'd even come!_

 _I'm going to be Vade's apprentice_

 _And then eat him alive_

 _I will take over the empire so you can step inside!"_

The clone troopers sang backup vocals.

Just when he got to the chorus General Greedo three a lightning grenad his only weekness. Everyone cheered for General Greedo? Who started too dance.

 _"WATCH ME NOW I'm just a mean Greedo Grevious from outer space and I'm bad!" He sang with troopers dancing behind him._

 _"I'm just a mean Greedo Greevous from outer space and it looks like I just won!_

 _I'm (first line) so get it straight_

 _You think you're good but I am great!_

 _I'm mean and Greedo and I am bad!"_

Fireeyes killed a lot of people and robots. He felt guilt for IT butt he kept it down because a true Smith kills with no remorse. Sad!

He stole a double placed light saver so now he was unstoppable! He killed them all except Mace, Seemore, General Greedo (who got bored and left because he realized he didn't want to be vader's sidekick), the stormtooper and Kan. He faced them.

"I WISH WE COULD BE FRIENDS." Said Mace.

"I don't have friends!" Fireeyes turned around to kill somebody he felt breathing behind him but he saw it was Susana Darkhell! His girlfriend! What

"Susana?!" He cried sure enough it was her.

She had dyed neon pink and blue hair and wore black clothes and a skirt, and boots. She carried a grey lightsaber that sparkles like glitter.

"Fireeyes!" She exclaimed. He was conflicted because he had to kill everybody in the battle to be the new Vade, but he loved

His thought was interrupted when he kissed her. He felt good... morally. The Vade screamed.

"The fight is off!"

"Oh good; I was scared I'd have to kill you." Said Seymour to Mace.

"Dad this is my girlfriend." Said Fireeyes to the Vade

"You're too young to worry this much about girls son!" Vade said. "You need to focus on schooconquering the galaxy!"

"But we love one another!" Susana spoke up. The Vade tried to force choke her but his son choked him back.

"You choked your own father!" He said. "Maybe there is hope for you."

* * *

OH CLIFFHANGER!

Also Luke is ready o find Fireeyes and stop his Tutsis of evil.


	13. Saddle up

p style="text-align: center;"strongSadling up/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Leah, Han, Cheiwe and droids met Luck at his X Wang. "Luke don't go alone!" Laeh said. "You need us!" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""You're the queen of Naboo now." Luke told her "And Hahn is your King?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Pfft." Hansaid. "I'm a smugler not a king." /p  
p style="text-align: left;""lUke take us with you you insolent cow." Teepito said. R2 beeped in a reply. Cheiw rwwoored. /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I'm taking R2 beuacse I need a astromick droid to pilot my shop and keep the space air out like a plug. But I don't need you because all of yoyu are my delicit friends." /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""What is it, kid" Han asked concerned for the first time. :What's the matter?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Luke stared into the stars and cried. "It's my twin brtoher... Fireeyes." /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Leah gasped. "I remember our brother! He's still alive?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""He's serving the Vade now." Luke hung his hand. /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Well I've got a planet OF FISh to run," Leah said," But you bring him back to me." /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""I'm goin with ya Luke." Han smiled. "You're my best friend." /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Wrror." Chewie was sad. He, Luke, Han, and droids got into ship. "We should go to Tatooin to get drinks." Han said. /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"They all laughed. "Oh Han!" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"The XWAng piloted away while Leah and gun guns looked on and sobbed. /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;""Are you gonna bring your bro back to the light side?" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Luke stared out the window. "I hope so. He was always jealous of me when we were kids because even though he had bigger brains and a better imagenation, Dad liked me better because I'm happier and I am better at physical activity and date girls a lot. Travis always wanted Dad to appreciate him but our dad, who is Darth Vade, is harsh on him. So he wants to go to the darkside to make himself athe favorite of dad." /p  
p style="text-align: left;"Han nodded. "Sure am glad I am the only child""!" /p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"They had to fly past many suns/p  
p style="text-align: left;" /p  
p style="text-align: left;"strongWE'RE ALMOST TO THE PART WHERE THEY MEET I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!(Even the writer is excited) /strong/p 


	14. READ THIS BEFORE CHAPTER 15 I mistaked!

Chapter Fiftieen

Luke Skywalker flew in his wang to get to his bro.

"How will you know? Where he is" Threepeo asked.

Luke said, "I will feel him"

They flew past a solar shystyem and ran into a nother ship, but it looked like a corvette!

"Who is it?" Han asked, flipping the person off.

"Han whty would you treat your old buddy that way?" said Lando.

They got out and hugged him. "Where are you here?"

"I'm just crusing. " Lando said. "Used the Meliniem Falcon money to buy a nice spacecare!"

"Well we're trying to fight Mustard Luke's brother." said the droid. "You can come with dawg?"

"Sure!"

So they piloted through spice.

Meanwhile, Suvana and Fireeyes made their way into the Andromida Glaxy. They flew on auto pilot so they could make out a lot.

"You're so hot." She told him.

"You care beautiful. I love you more than the sun." Fireeyes breathed. It was nice to have a womans touch to hiom.

She hung her head." Why did you not stay with your Vade?"

Fireeyes groaned. "Because he's opresive to my self." he looked down. "I just want him to love me but he gives me all these rules! And makes me kill peopple as well! Lule is on the light side but he always wants him more anyway."

"If you find Luke what happened?"

"A battle royal.

Then two space vessels came. Next to each other.

"Is gthat…" Fireeyes sighed. He sw his bro in the wang. Luke looked out and alos saw a bro of his.

"IT'S FIREEYES!" Luke cried out to him.

"Time to blow this pop." said Han.

They readied their missiles. "No." Said lUke. "I must face him in person. So they flew to a nearby planet to hadh it out like man.


	15. I WISH I COIULD HAVE FINISHED

**Chapter forteen: There may be hope for you**

He choked his dad. It was Fireeyes doing it.

"Choke him harder." said Susanna. She looked like a girl in black clothes with blyue and pink hair, and one of her eyes was red and the other one was golden. She had pointy shoes and horns but they might have been on a hairband or maybe she has horrns and under her clothes she has underpants that have skulls, and if she wasn't wearing her clothes you could see that she has a tatoo of dagon with fire in nose. And she has a tail maybe.

"I will choke him only this hard." said fireeyyes standing his ground.

"No harder." said Vader. Everyonhe involved in the situation sweeted and breathed hard.

"How many men must I kill." asked Fireeyes.

"Moar." said Vaders "Atr least thousands. I will not make you a man unless you blow up ten planets."

"That sounds ez." said Sussana, licking her lips.

"I wont do it." I'll do what I feel like. "Said Fireeyes" and he left with Sussana, intio her ship that has batwings and spikes, to go away somewhere.

"He'll come back." said Vade to himself agrivated.

(ATTENTION: There was more of this chapter but my brother Mike has to use the computer because he has to do his homework even though I also work at home. Sometimes I wish Vade would choke him (That's mean but its just a joke)

To Continue?


	16. Chapter 15 THE DEATH OF A CHARACTER

Chaptrt 16: The Final Showdown

While Look flew with Fireeyes to a perfect battle planet, everyone else fought everyone else.

There was a robot that came out of Susan's ship and punched Threepio in the crack!

He beep, and died?

"No." said Hands "I loved you."

"Me too" said Landos Carisliand, his hand on his shoulder.

It was a black robot so they knew if was of the dark side, and its eyes were red.

"I'm going to fuck you up." said the black robot.

Next came out a big monster with spider arms to fightr Hnads and Carislian. It was named ZARGOX.

Hands shot lasers at it, and Lanmdo threw a bomb. It ate the bomb and burped oyut smoke.

2D fought the black robot. He actually has oil and fire (Did you see revenge of the sit!) So he shot oil at the black robot. You bastard!

Sussana didn't fight anyone because everyone was already fighting, and Leai wasn't there. She sat on her boat and laughed at them sinisterly. She was wearing a cape and boot and a short skirt.

They fought for many an hour. Meanwhile.

The Final Clash! Luke Versus Fireeyes

There lightsavers were already touching each other, and rubbing with a buzz sound.

"You'res is black." said Luke, eyeing him upo strangely.

"I'm going to take yours." said Fireeyes, with a voice of the devil.

He reached out for it, and he touched, but it burned his hand. "Aghh!" he shouted. Luke used the opening and went in, he tried to cast out the demon in fireeyes.

"There is no demon." said God inside of him, "It is just the darkness of his soul."

They pushed each other hard, and cut the lightsabers over and over again.

"Why did you get the green one?" Demanded Fireeyes.

"Someone gave it to me."

"We I would be most pleased if you would give me something." said Fireeyes, his teeth sharp.

"What?"

"Your death!"

They jumped to different sides of the cliff, then jumped across and slashed each other in the air. Fireeyes shot electricty and Luke shot light (Can Jedis do that? What do they shoot?)

They landed on the oppoasite side, then they jumped over the cliff and fough in the air, slashing and cutting and slapping it hard.

"Revenge!" shouted 2D, pulling out his own lightsiber, from inside of him, he cut The Black Robot's head off, and it swore when it died, bleeding. "You killed me." it said.

"Good." 2D was coverd in robot blood and he was solemn "I would get revenge by killing your whole family." but the robot had no family, so he wouldn't.

He looked really badbutt.

"Okay, we get one shot at this old buddy." said Hands, to Carliston.

"One shot." Carlsiton took Hnads hands and spun he and threw him over the ship, and he landed on top of the monster, ZARGOX.

"What? Butt how?!" inquired ZARGOX.

Hands had a laser blaster and he shot it in his eye. He exploded, but then ZARGOX and his blood floated up into the air, and there was an evil laugh "You fool! Killing me makes me better!"

Said Zargox.

"I'm gonna need a drink." said Hands, who drinks sometimes.

ZARGOX became like a big crab with a lot of faces that were skulls, and breathed fire. "I'm going to send you to hell."

"We can't go to hell." said Lando "Only Han can go to hell because he hasn't accepted the lord."

"Hey!" said Han, who drinks.

ZARGOX burned almost as bright as the son, and evil spirits came out of him and he was huge. Meanwhile.

Luke kept fighting Fireeyes. "Listen" said Fireeyes "I don't have time to fight you."

"Then what do you want?" asked Luke, and they were still falling.

"There is a worse evil than the Vade, a man in a hood has built a castle in a black hole, with the power to destroy time."

"WHAT!"

They landed and then they talked.

"We must team up." They both left together, flying into the sunrise.

Luke got back to his friends. "What happened to ZARGOX?" he asked.

"He left," said Carlton.

They were all crying because of Threepio.

"Why are you all so weak?" said Fireeyes.

"Because we have friends." said Carlton "You suck."

So an uneasy treaty was established. "WE must defeat The Man With The Hood." said Fireeyes.

"WE must also find a way to wish Threepio back from the dead." said Luke, and so they agreed to travel to the black holes and find a way.

Sussana went with them too, and she was wearing a tight red dress and high heels.

Meanwhile: The man in the hood sat in his hole, "I can't wait for my revenge." said Audry 2, besides him.

The End?


	17. Song of Mace

The Story Goes

Vade choked 100 men in disgust. "My son has leeeeeft!"

"STOP FEELIN SORRY FOR YOURSEL." Mace told to him. "YOU MUST CARRY OUT YOUR BOSSES PLAN"

"You're right." The Vade said. "We have to destroy time so I can rule it all."

Mace thought to himself that the man in the hood would rule it all butt he wasbnt about to tell Vader that. So he just went on his diner date with Seemoure and also Kahn but Lahn was there as a friend.

MEANWHILE

On Naboo they celebrated Leah for the 18th time. "Thank you guys, but its' really not nesecery."

"We beg to differ." Said Jarjar. He smiled at her. She smiled back. He got a fax from Luke. "Threepio is dead and also there's an attack from a hole we must stop"

"Oh no!" Leah said. "Dispatch the army to help. I will lead them in but only after I have this baby." WHO IS THE DAD?!

MEANWHILE

On Vaders ship Seymore did entertainment for the troopers because their morale was low. "Okay my friend Kanwill help." NBut Kan hated Seymore because there was a crush on Mace. So they sang and danced

Now a woman who'll kiss on the very first date is usually a hussy

And a woman who'll kiss on the second time out is anything but fussy

But a woman who'll wait till the third time around

Head in the clouds, feet on the ground

She's the girl he's glad he's found

She's his Shipoopi

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi (The girl who's hard to get)

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi (But you can win her yet)

Walk her once just to raise the curtain

Walk around twice and you've made for certain

Once more in the flower garden

She will never get sore if you beg her pardon

(Do re me fa so la si, do si la sol fa mi re do)

Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'

If you get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin'

Once more for a pepper-upper

She will never get sore on her way to supper

(Do re me fa sol la si do, si do)

Now little ol' Sal was a no-gal, as anyone could see

Lookit her now, she's a go-gal, who only goes for me

Squeeze her once when she isn't lookin'

If you get a squeeze back, that's fancy cookin'

Once more for a pepper-upper

She will never get sore on her way to supper

(Do re me fa sol la si do, si do)

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi (The girl who's hard to get)

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi (But you can win her yet)

(Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi, the girl who's hard to get

Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi, but you can win her yet

You can win her yet

Shipoopi)

"Good job. Said the troopers." One trooper was gay and went to do Kahn in his chambers.

Seymour bowed. Mace smiled from the audience. "GUESS KAHN WON'T BE JOINING US?"

"Guess not." Seymore smiled. I don't think it is so wrong to be gay. I mean they smile and hold hands like I want to do with a girl one day just with guy. So it's not very different I don't think?

As they stared Audry two burst in laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" SHe laughed.

"What are you doing here?" Seymore asked.

The Vade stepped out. "While my children are rebeling I need a righthand man, and Mace is the most qualified. But he cannot be distracted by LOVE."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK LOVE PROMOTES FEAR AND EVIL JUST FIIIINE!"

And then Audrey ii lunged at Seymour. "I am here on a favor." He tried to eat him but Mace cut him to peices with his lightsaber. But maybe a vine crawls away?

"There." Vade left.

Mace held Seemore in his arms. He was bleeding and dying! "NO SEMOUR. I LOVE YOU."

Seymour cried but smiled and began to sing.

 _Don't you fret, Master Mace Windu_

 _I don't feel any pain_

 _A little fall of rain_

 _Can hardly hurt me now_

 _You're here, that's all I need to know_

 _And you will keep me safe_

 _And you will keep me close_

 _And rain will make the flowers grow._

MACE

 _BUT YOU WILL LIVE SEYMOUR DEAR GOD ABOVE_

 _IF I COULD HEAL YOUR WOUMBS WITH WORDS OF LOVE_

Seymour laughed.

 _Just hold me now, and let it be._

 _Shelter me, comfort me..._

Mace sang to him more.

 _YOU WOULD LIVE A HUNDRED YEARS_

 _IF I COULD SHOW YOU HOW_

 _I WON'T DESERT YOU NOW_

Seymour

T _he rain can't hurt me now_

 _This rain will wash away what's past_

 _And you will keep me safe_

 _And you will keep me close_

 _I'll sleep in your embrace at last_

 _The rain that brings you here_

 _Is Heaven-blessed!_

 _The skies begin to clear_

 _And I'm at rest_

 _A breath away from where you are_

 _I've come home from so far_

 **They begin to sing in counterpoiunt and I will use the first letters of their firsme to represent each don't get confused.**

 _S: So don't you fret, Masrer Windu_

 _M:HUSH-A-BYI, DEAR SEYMOUR_

 _S: I don't feel any pain_

 _M: YOU WONT FEEL EVIL PAIN_

 _S: A little fall of rain_

 _M: A lLITTLE FALL OF RAIN_

 _S: Can hardly hurt me now_

 _M: CAN HARDLY HURT YOU NOW_

 _M: I'm Here_

 _S: That's all I need to know_

 _S: And you will keep me safe_

 _M:I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE_

 _S: And you will keep me close_

 _M:TTIL YOU ARE SLEEPING_

 _S:And rain_

 _M:AND RAIN_

 _S:Will make the flowers_

 _M:WILL MAKE THE FLOWERS_

Seymour died. Mace let out a quiet, " _GROOOOOOW!"_

He clinched his fish and swore revenge on the dark side. He now hated them more than jedi but also hated jedi. For now he gave Seymour a burrial in a stolen gold casket and sent him off into the stardust. He deserved a better funeral, but Mace gave him what he could.

He went to bed and cried. Vader stood in the doorway. "Your training begins this evening."

That night, the plant's tentacle went up the gay stormtroopers asshole but since he's gay he didn't mind.


	18. Eiteen

**Chapter Eiteen**

Luke, Landor, Han, Fireeyes, Chewy, RD, Susana, and threepio's lifeless bot-y went in the ship to find the hold.

"Rrrrow?" Chewy aksed.

"Wwe'll be there soon friend." Lando batted his back. He turned to Fireeyes "So.. You're Luke's bro?"

"YUnfortunately…" Fireeyes seethed.," And as soon as we defeat this man we're going to be the bitterest of enemies again!"

Susana laughed. "Why do you want to go against the Vade?"

Fireeyes remembered what happened before he left the Enterprise. He saw Vader's plans to serve the dhood man and realized that he wasn't a master but an apprentice. He was serving another man the whole time, when Fireeyes wanted to look up to a master.

"He was week." Fireeyes growled. "He blamed me for eing week but HE'S the one who works for a boss all the time!" He whipped out his saver and beat the ground of the ship. Han held him back. "Easy friend."

Luke noticed how close Han got to Fireeyes. Luke and Han was friends longer but Han was sort of a rebel and Fireeyes understood that. And the other way around too! Chewy didn't like him or Lando. 2D was a ronbot and they don't have opinions but he loved

"Thanks for holding my rage back Solo." Fireeyes said. "I keep sensing desturbers in the force… Like thjat the Plant is still alive, and Seymoure is dead."

"We don't know who that is." Han laughed.

"He was a boyfriend to Mce Windu, but not Mace hates the sith more than the jedis!"

"Maybe he could join us?" Luke said. He didn't say out loud but he sadly thought maybe Mace would replace Han since Han was leaving him for Fireeys apparently.

Luke went to his room and cried. "My friends don't love me anymore!" But then Susana Darkhell walked into the room and laughed at Luke.

"Crying like a little gay baby I see?"

"If I'm a gay baby," shouted Luke," I am the most popular and powerful one!"

"Relax." Susana said. "I come in piese." She was wearing leather shorts and a black jean jacket. Luke noticed her nice looks and was reminded that Fireeyes got all the gils too! He cried more. Susana took his shoulder. "I like Sensetive guys."

Luke felt his light side swim down as he engaged with her. "Okay."

"But why would you cheat on my bro?"

"It's not cheating," Susana laughed, "Your twins and yall have identicle DNA so if I have sex with you I am really just having it with him." So they did it.


	19. Han inside Fireeyes Skywalker

**Chapter Nineteen: Hans Inside of Fireeyes**

Now I bet you are wondering, my readers, what was happening with Han and 2D and Rando and Chewy and Fireeyes, while Luke and Susanna were getting it on. Well, they had a different adventure, and here it iz.

 **The Fantastic Adventure Through the Inside of Fireeyes, Episode One:**

"Fireeyes, what kind of music do you listen to?"

"Not country."

"Hey, me either." said them.

Randor liked country but he was ashamed and didn't speak to them. He went into thu bafthroom for the rest of this adventure.

They listened to hard rock and roll music, lowdly. It could be heard all across space.

 **The Fantastic Adventure Through the Inside of Fireeyes, Episodes Two:**

"

"Fireeyes, where did the key to the engtine room go?"

"Did you leave it in that bag of potato chips?"

"Whut yes!"

"I ate it!"

So meanwhile, Hand and Chwy and 2D decided to shrink themselves and get inaside of Fireeyes to find the key to the egine room.

"I invented a shronk ray." articulated Hands, "I cxan't use it still, because I don't have hands."

"Wut!"

"I've been using magnets to hold my guns."  
And he had been.

Chewy used the Ray and they went into Fireeyes, (Through one of his holes, you don't want to know which one ;) )

They went in and it was all gooey, they lost the submarine in his enyinsines.

 **The Fantasic Adventure Through the Inside of Fireeyes, Episode Three:**

Meanwhile, Carlisian was in the bathroom, and he realized "I have no more toilet paper!"

(The audience laughs)

He's stuck in there with his bad choices and his poop.

"Why is everything ion here on fire?" asked Hans. It was because people are seventy percent water, but Firereyes is seventy nione percent FIRE!

"Hot." said Hands, but he didn't mean to be gay.

Chewy still got jealous though, they climbed up uo his spinal chord, which had skulls on it and bat wings.

"The dark side of the force rules in here." said Hands, abnd there were a bunch of shadowy men who came and fought them "Ah!"

 **The Fantastic Adventure Through the Inside of Fiereyes, Episode For**

"I'm going to starve to death in hear." said Lamdo, he started wondering if he could eat his toilet paper.

"What are at his brian." said Hands, and RD2 nodded, Chewy waas still not in a great mood after the gay thing earlier.

"We must battle Fireeyes fear." said they.

It apeared, standing on his brain, and it looked like . . . dun . . . dun . . . DUN . . . HIS MOM.

"I'm Padam." said Queen Amedala, and she shot electricity at them (Brains are electric. I learned in class."

"I don't have fear." said hands, who was dying with blood coming from his mouth, "I have . . . faith!"

He believed in Jesus a little bit, but not enough to be saved, so he got one of his hands back, he caught the electricity and threw at back at this lady, and she buzzed.

"I will be back."

"No you won't!"

Then he went up to her, and he said "I will satisfy you so you wont need to come back."

Ao they went into one of the wrinkles in the brain and they did it hard. He was about to satisfy her, but then his hand disapeared again, because he had sex before mrariarge, so she was like, "I will be back somedy!"

 **The Fantastic Jouney Inside of Firereyes: Episode 5**

When Luke came back with Sussana, they were all holding ahnds and laughing.

"QWhat were you all doing?" asked Luke, nervous.

"Just getting to know each other." said Hnads and Fireeyes, at the same time! :0

"Me too." said Like, winking at Suvanna.

"You forgot about me!1!" screamed Randor, who had eaten his pants.

(The audience laughs)


	20. Chapter 20

**Cahpter 20**

(Hey! So I knwo the last chapter was experimental but I think it's important to test my boundries as a artist so that is why. I did that. I wanted to see whaty a spae comedy would look like and now I know!)

In Naboo Queen Leah held her nerborn infant. "This is definently a gun gun." What would she tell to Han?!

"Hello Queen!" Jar said. "I have brought you a sheep from the peopler as tribute."

"I'm a person, people don't eat sheep?" she said confused. Jar jar's mermaid wife had thrown him out because she found out about his baby with Leah. He only got to see his kids on weekends unless they were out of town that weekend for like a church camp.

"Leah, I made a mistake… But that mistake now nuzzles at your teet. And it is beuotiful and lovely, even though it is a mistake."

"Thaty's what I'll name you." Leah said smiling at her babye. "Mistake. My firstborn son."

They embraced. "I understand," Jajrjar said, "That you are in love with Ham and only went to me because he wasn't there to fill you. So you can go back to him I won't cry." But he was. Crying.

Leah smiled but sort of a sad smile. "I will never froget you Jar Jar we were on an adventure together and then on our own adventure." They embraced. Jar Jar went to gather the army to fight.

"I will discuise you as a human baby so hAN will think you are his." Leah said to Mistake. And she gave him a wig and lots of makeup so he looked sorta like his uncles Luke and Fireeyes because it brought out the humen in his jeans. "Mistake Solo." Leah breathed.

And they readied to find the enterprise and attack with full gungun force!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twnety One:**

The vade was ill at ease, "My son has left me and I am all alone." he said, looking in the mirror. He had taken his helmet off, his head was like an egg with red eyes, and old.

He took a drink.

"YOU ARENT ALONE YOU STUPID CRACKER!" said Mace,m who was in the bathroom with him "YOU ACTUALLY KILLED MY BOYFRIEND SO THAT I WOULD BE YOUR APRENTICE!"

At Vader was a little bit better, but he took mace with yim to a bar.

So they drank and drank and drank. Vade was sad because he lost his son, and Mace was sad because Seymore was plant food.

They went from bar to bar in a red corvette, and at the last bar they ran into the gay stormtrooper, he was wearing a speedo and serving drinks.

"THIS IS WHERE I GO WHEN I HAVE THE DUMPS." replied Mace Windo.

The vine looked out of the stormtroopers but and observes them.

"They are too weak." said the man in the Hood, watching through the eyes of the plant "My servants are not allowed to have feelings. I will test them."

"Mmmm hmmm," said Audry "Bust them up."

So he pushed a button, and something arose from a dank hole.

"I HAVE FINALLY AWAKENED!" said the new villain, who worked for The Man in the Hood.

"Mr. Deathstar."

It was a deathstar, but it had robot arms and legs, and it could talk with a robot voice.

"Go shoot his ass." said Audry.

"Yes." agreed the Man.

It zoomed through space after them. Meanwhile, Vade and Mace had fallen asleep, in the same bed!

Bit they didn't do anything. It was an accident.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

LUke and his friends and also Fireeyes closed in on the hole. "We're almosy there." said.

"Good!" said Hans. "I need to piss." Brecause he drank a lot of gin and toxics. Cherwiw roared because he was worried about his friends drinking porblem.

Fireeyes listened to that song Thanks for the Memories on his space iphone. He related to it because it reminded him of how his family hated him. Excepy Mom. But she was dead.

"Thanks for the memeories." He muttered bitterly. His breath flyong in the air like turbines. Susans came in and stroked him gfor comfort.

"We wil get threepio back." RT breathed. "And he will be my cousin once more."

"They are coming too fast." said the man in the hood. "We must stop them." So he sent out a billin super batle droids. They attacked the spaceship.

"Oh shit!" said Chewiw. He fired his light saver at them and they died. "Good."

Han said, "We need backup because he knows! We are here." So they called for the gun gun army.

Meanwhile Leah was on the ship wityh her army and her sun Mistake Solo ran into her arms. "Mommy I love you!" said he.

"Good." She told him and hugged him with a great tinderness. "I love you but you shouldn't be on this war ship?"

"Mommy I want to serve!"

"You're a child." So she put him in the daycare unit. "Justl ike his not real adoptive fatjer she said.

And they felw the maliniel fulcan and the warships to Fireeyes shit. "We are here." And they were.

"Help us with an army!" Said Fireyes. So they readied their poton torpedos and fired in the hole.

"Oh shiiiit!" Said the hood. "I will now meet him….. My GOOD side!"

Dun dun duuuuun.

 **AN: Sorry if the spell is not great. My friend Jackson gave me a beer he snuck from his dad. It is my first alchohol besides comunion at grannys church. (She is Catholic and we're not but I don't mind.) I am kinda drunk but not like Han okay?**


	23. Chapter 23: Him inside of ME

**Chapter 23: Him Inside of ME (Chewy's day off)**

Meanwhile. Chewy and Lando where on the ship, preparing. Chewy had an important phone call to make, with a bounty hunter named Largan, who would help them defeat the man in the hood. He and Lando where eating breakfast.

"You put syrup on ur eggs?" demqnded Landor. "That's nasty."

Chewy wrooood, he wanted to pull the man's arms off butt he did not. Then, an acciudent! Chewy stepped on a button, it was a button fpor one of Han's inventions!

"No! Chewster! That's Han's body changing machines!"

There was green electricity and they switched bodies!

The alarms went off and they still had to go to their places.

Chewy's body went to the phone (Which had a screen) to make the phone call. Carlton's body went to the cock-pit to be with his friends fight the Man in the Hood.

"Landor! WHERE THE HELL HAS YOU BEAN?" balled Luke.

Landor said "Wroooooooo!"

Susana rolled her eyes. She was wearing a tight red cat-suit, with ears.

"Fire the missiles." said Hands.

Landor said "Wroooooo!"

WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT YOU GOOF FIRE THE MISSILES

Meanwhile.

"Hey," said Chewy's body on the picture phone.

Largan looked like a big muscular guy in metal underoants, but wiuth a praying mantis head.

"How are you doing, Largan?" repliued Chewy/Lando.

Largan made bug sounds "Squirk, squirks, squellk (I don't understand what you are saying. Why aren't you saying wroo?)")"

"I want to recruit you with republic credists." said Chewdo.

"Squirk, squirk, squellk," said Largan, flexing his pecks (Do you take me for some kind of English speaking fool?)"

Chewdo rolled his eyes "This is gonna be a looong day."

PUSH THE DANGED BUTTON- Hands.

Landy roared and scratched his rear like a bear.

I WILL HURT YOU- Fireeyes.

He's hurting himself- Susanna, corncerned?

Everyone scrambled around waving their arms.

"I know how to finish them," said The Man in the Hood, chortling, then he shot lightning at their ship. It switched their bodies back!

"Here ya go, sucker!" Lando fired the missile and blew a hole in his black hole.

Chewy finished hiring the bounty hunter. A big ship shaped like a big metal bug flew up to help them, but just then, another ship flew over. It had black fire coming out of the enigines.

"I will end you." said the man driving it. Who could it be? It was the Pilot Po Dammit from The Force Awakens, but he was dark now.

"What can we do now?" said Hands.

"Pray." said Luke.

"No." said Fireeyes and Hands at the same time.

TO BE CONTINUDE


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

The Vade hired Generl Greedo to be in his army, but he was only in ity for tyhe money and to revenge on his rival Lagan. "We musty help the man in the hood." He told to him. So he walked alongside Mace Windo, the gay stromtrooper, Kan, and General Greedo. They were his inner sircle.

"Fly the ship to-" They got a crash! They looked outside to see…

….

….

…

…

THE DEATH STAR with legs and arms

"Die." It told them.

"Not today!" Said Kan. He fired his laser at him. And he turned to Mace. "Hey, now that you're single…"

"NOT IN THIS LIFETIME. OR THE NEXT!" Mace ran away.

The Vade sighed. "Why are all my minions fucking homos?" He was only homophic because he is evil I DO NOT THINK ITIS OKAY TO SPEAK THAT WAY but maybe he will learn to be good?

They fought and fought. Children cried and so did women and some sensitive men at seeing this battle because it was grusome. Kan sliced the back of the death star. "Take that!"

"Wait." SaID THE Vade. I own the death star!" So he pushed a button on his mouth and it turned to him.

".aster." It dsaid. Audrey II climbed out of the ass.

"No! It was aposed to killll you!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Mace said. He hit and hit Audrey II until he died… MOSTLY. The gay stromtrooper cheered but Kan was in love with Mace but rejected so he shooks his head while folding his arms.

"Death star… Assist oue mission!" The Vade said. And the Death Star grew big and they all climbed inside. Inclusing the hot nurse.

The man in the hood smiled while warding off the Jedi army. "Help has conquered."


	25. Chapter 25

**Capter 25**

Menahwile they got tacos and had doritios for shells. The hooded man shot moree shit at them.

"Die."

Chjewbaca had sex with a bear, but it was a girl bear.

Theu short lasers. It was great.

The Death Star appeared to help the hooded man., "I am here adoptive father."

\"About heckin time." Said the hooded man. "Cum here so I can abuse you."

The Vade flew out of the Death Star while the hood man got on it. Vade went into a room in the ship where Luke and Fireeyes and Hans were. "Get out Solo!" He said.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Han folded his arms. Vade choked him and he fell down.

"No!" said Luke.

"Sons," the Vade said, "We meet again. Join me."

"We can't! I'm a Christan!" said Luke.

"And I'm tired of you." Said Fireeyes. "You serve the hoode man!"

"There is so much you don't understand," said the Vade. He pulled out his lightsaber.

Luke pulled his out.

Fireeyes held the gun! They gasped.

BACK in space.

Sussana in a bikini shot axes at them. It was blocked.

"Weak." Said the hood man.

Jar Jar broke onto the ship through a window, with the police.

"You are under arrest for multiple transgressions against the people of this galaxy." He said, handing him a form.

He glowed and floated, "Nothing in this universe shall exist, not even youuuuu!" he took his hood off.

"What?"

"goodness!" said Luke.

The Man In The Hood was the dark side if Jar Jar!

Shit.

So Jar Jar knew his own weakness.

"But you don't know your dark side's weakness!" Laughed his evil side in the hood.

"I do!" Jar jar transported them back in time!

TBC


	26. Time Travel Stories - Fireeyes Skywalker

Fireeyes woke up on Tatooeene. "Ugh… My head…" He moaned. He stood up and looked around. "What happened?" Last he remembered he was about to fire his gun at his dad but also Luke! But now he had his gun but no way to shoot it.

He picked up a newspaper and read the date. 1953?! He was in the past!

"Why would Jar Jar take us to the past?" he asked. "Aand why are we scattered?" He went to a place called "Waldo's Parts Shop". "Excuse me, I am a warrior of the future. Can you give a me a time machine? " He had a new plan: he would go into the future and leave all the rest of them in the past, so there would only be Fireeyes and no complicated relatiuonships!

"There's no such thing as a time machine!" Waldo laughed.

"Fine!" Fireeyes sighed. "Then get me a spaceship!" So that he could fly so fast he'd endter the theory of relativety and get to the future real fast.

"Ankian Skywalker!" Waldo yelled to his child slave. "Get this man a ship!"

The little kid saluted and went. Fireeyes gasped. This was his father as a boy!

"Hmm…" Fireeyes thougt… "If I kill him he won't be around to make my life miserable. I wan't have to pine for his love and he won't make me kill people I love anymore." But Anikan was just a kid! How could he kill an innocent children?

"Here's your spaceship." Anikan used the force to move it in front of Fireeyes. He gasped.

"My father was strong in the force then too! I couldn't kill him; he's kill me back." Then Fireeyes thought another plan. "Waldo, can I have dinner here tonight?"

"If you're willing to pay." He smiled. Fireeyes reached in his pockets for republican credits.

So they ate. And Fireeyes said to Anikan's mother, "You look very nice for a slave in plain clothes."

She giggled. "Thanks."

Fireeyes new that if a slave was married, they would be free. And he could marry Anikan's mother, adopt Anikan as his son and raise him not to be dark and to love him when baby Fireeyes is born. Instead of loving Luke. Mayeb he could even tell him if he has two sons to kill one?

"Anikan's mom, would you like to go on a date?"

"Ew gross!" Child Anikan said.

"Sure!" said Anikan's mom. "But you have to pay Waldo more republican credits."

Waldo laughed but Fireeyes shot him. "You are free. Let me raise your son."

"I will!" she said. And Fireeyes took Waldo's shop and adopted his dad as a kid.


	27. Vader and Han: Good and Medivel

**Chapter 27: Good and Medivel**

ARTHURS NOTE: I dont always agree with drinking, but I did last week. I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I was. As they say. Hung over. And my dad grounded me. Domo Arigatto (It means I'm sorry in Japanese) :))) 3

"Where am I?" spouted Swollo

"We are in a dungeoun." said vade, pouting.

They were handcuffed together.

"The better question is wehn you are." said a dwarf outside the dungeoun with a mean face and pointy nose.

"I know how we can get out of this." said Vader to Solo, but he only mouthed it because he didn't want dorf to here.

"Is this just anither one of your tricks?"

"Nah."

Vade fell over, "I'm sick call a doctor."

The dwarf ran in, then vade stood up "It was actually a trap." he force pushed the dwarf against the wall, then he pulled his vocal chord out with his hands. The dwarf fell over withy blood and even if he didn't die he wouldnt be able to eat.

Solo thought it was a little bit cool but he didn't want to admit it, he was also jelous because Vade did it with his hands and he didnt have hands. He said "Whatever."

They snuck out and foundb that they were in medival times! :o

A dragon flew up above them and some knights jousted into each other.

"The hell." said Solo "I don't want to be handcuffed to u."

"You must." said Vade, but he was styill hung over from his trip to the gay bar so he puked out of his vent.

Meanwhile someone was watching. A lady. With orange hair and evil magic. "Where is my dwarf!" she spouted. A minotaur came in and said "he has no assofagus."

"WHAT!?"

Then she waved her hand and turned him into a rock. He mood one last time. The white which said "I will get them!" and she chased after them on a chariot pulled by wolves.

So, the Vade and Solo walked for many days but didn't talk becuase they were salty. Solo remembered how vader had choked him and also blown planets. Vade was still hung over.

Then they ran into some taloking animals.

"We are at war." spouted a tiger with a sword.

"Who with?" asked swolo.

"The Dark Assland."

"The Light Assland has been imprisoned in a cage made out of time, so we have to protect our lands."

"What does any of that mean."

Said Vade and Solo at the same time. Solo blushed because they had thought the same thought again. Vade threw up again, on a moose with pants on.

"STOP THEM!" bellowed the white which who was coming at them on a black horse with dragon wings.

"No! This is our country!" said the moose with throw up on his pants and he ran at her but she stoned him,

Han was like "I don't have time for this I need to get back to princess lay."

Vade frowned deeply "The force has told me that she cheated on you by having sex with . . . . a fish?"

"That's jar jar!"

Solo was so mad that he ran up and PUNCHED the horse in the face and knocked it down.

"Wow." said the which "You have striong arms."

"LETS HAVE CASUAL SEX!" said Solo, who was really salty about Laya anhd the fish doing it.

So they went back to her castle and got into her bed and banged all night long. "You made me hard." he said as a joke because she turns people into rocks.

But while they where doing it, Vader was still there laying next to the bed breathing loudly through his mask and sometimes still throwing up. Then when Solo had enough and felkl asleep Vade and the witch started talking and the wich fell in love with him, because they wrre both really evil.

The next morning Vade and Solo got up "We have to go back to our time now."

So they left, but the witch sat in her window pinning after Vader.

"I'll work together with you to get back to our time." said Solo, who had now shown everything to Vader.

"Fine, but once we get back we will be enemies again."

"Of course." they agreed, and smiled warmly at each other.

The animals watched them leave. "Should we ask them for help with the war?" asked a hippo.

"No, they're not tame lions."

"But what if they never come back?"

"Once a king or queen in narnia always a king or queen in narnia."


	28. R2 and Mistake Solo : Ancient Greece

**Chapter 28**

R2 woke up in a haze next to General Greedo.

"Wow took you long enough." The bounmty hunter said. "I've been up for hours." They were in Ancient Greece. Where the plays happened.

"Fuck off." Said R2D to Greedo.

"Mother?" called out Mistake Solo. "Where are you?"

"Your mother is not here." Said General Greedo. He whiped out four guns for each hand and fired an SOS into the sky. "Guns haven't been invented yet, so with these babies I will be the most powerful in all the land!" And he was.

"I will be more powerful one day," said Mistake, "I shall."

"Kid you're like 15." said Greedo. "I have guns." So General Greedo ran off to be a hero and fight in the Torjan War.

"I must find my mother!" said Mistake. He jumped into the water to swim to a geyser that would shoot him into a space wormhole.

"I'm by myself" said 2D. He rolled into town. Everybody was eatim gyros. (It's spelled like gyro but pronounced like your row! My bro and dad call them heros but they're wrong a greek resturant worker told me so)

There was a king come to town. "I am Edipus Rekt!" he yelled. "And I have killed your king. Crown me."

The people all cheered. But then the Cyclops arose. "You stabed my eye Edipus!"

"No that was my bro Odisseus!" He meant bro like a friend. Not related (Or are they?)

"All you humans look the same to me because I have one eye so I am nearsighted!" He smashed and trashed the city.

2D rememebred how much Threepi0 loved cities. He fired his laser at the cyclops eye. "Take that."

"No!" The cyclops fell. Everyone cheered for 2D.

He beeped sadly. Nothing could make him happy without his cousin. So he rolled away from town, sad.

Why?

In old Tatooine, a year after we last saw Fireeyes he is going into town to buy fish for dinner for his wife and adopted son who would, if u remember, grow up to be his father. And maybe some drinks?

He saw a person who might have been transported back in time. "Jar jar?" he asked.

"Meesa Jar jar Binksa!" said the Gungun. "Meesa sosa happysa tosa seesa you."

"Oh no it's Jar Jar when he was young!" But maybe he could stop Jar Jar from growing a dark side?

Nah didn't seem like his business. "Hey," he told Jar Jar, "If you ever meet someone like me but with blond hair and are on a shiop fasing your evil self, be sure to have a way to travel through time." Because he wanted to have a way to transport back to the battle, but because he gave this advice that was why Jar Ja knew how to put them back in the PAST in the first place!


	29. Chewbaka and Jar Jr: In the Beginning

**Chapter 29: In the Beginning**

GOD created the heavens and the earth, and he created the animals, and the ocean, and lite and darkbnes, and also, JAR JAR AND CHEWY WERE THERE?!

10 A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. 11 The name of the first is the Pishon; it winds through the entire land of Havilah, where there is gold. 12 (The gold of that land is good; aromatic resin and onyx are also there.) 13 The name of the second river is the Gihon; it winds through the entire land of Cush. 14 The name of the third river is the Tigris; it runs along the east side of Ashur. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.

15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die."

"Chewy, we are at the begining of the world." said Jar Jar to Chewyy, who said "Wroooooooo!"

They didn't know what to do.

Jar Jar was down in the dumps because he felt bad about being the father of Mistake Solo, he cried.

Chewy went and found Adam and Eve, but he covered his eyes because they were in the nood. "Wrrrrrrrooooo . . ."

A snake came up to them and told them to eat a fruity. Chewy ran over. No! Don'T!

The snake jumped at him and bit him but he punched it in face and they fought each othetr while Adam and Eve cheered naked.

Meanwhile, Jar Jar went walking in the gardern alone, until he saw a bright light.

 **WHERE ARE YOU JAR JAR** said the Lord.

Jar Jar hid.

 **JAR JAR YOU DO NOT NEED TO HIDE FROM ME**

Then Jar Jar came out, and he was ashamed "Lord, I accepted you into my heart on Diegoba, and I know you can forgive any sin, but what I've done to my friends is hard to forgive, because my mistake is a person, and Han and Lea will never forgive me." He cried, then the light shone down upon him and he had to cover his eyes.

 **I AM THE LORD AND I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU!** He touched Jar Jar's face with his hand, and Jar Jar's face glowed.

 **ALL YOU MUST DO IS TRUST IN ME AND CONTINUE TO LOVE YOUR FRIENDS**

In this farewell

There's no blood

There's no alibi

'Cause I've drawn regret

From the truth

Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I've done

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

Put to rest

What you thought of me

While I clean this slate

With the hands of uncertainty

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I've done

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

For what I've done

I start again

And whatever pain may come

Today this ends

I'm forgiving what I've done!

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done

What I've done

Forgiving what I've done

Meanwhile Chewy was still fighting the serpent, but while he was doing it Adam and Eve got hungry and ate some fruit.

Chewy got bitten by the snake in his butt and he ran away, and while he was running a scinetist saw him "Brilliant!" said Charles Darwin. He saw a hairy man run out of the garden and he came up with the idea of evolution.!

"How will we get out of the garden?" asked Jarr Jar to Chewy later. Then Chewy remembered that he had a folded up spaceship in his pocket. Han had invented it before they all got warped away.

"Now, we must find a way to destroy the man in the hood before he was created." said Jar Jar, with renwed spirit, "He messed up my time travel powers because he is me, and asent us all over the place!"

And they flew up and tried to fly fast enough to go through time. The Lord was pleased that they did not give up.

TO BE CONTINUED


	30. Luke, Leah, and Mace : THe Past Wars

**Chapter 29**

Luke and Leah and Mace landed in the time of ancient jedis and siths. "AW NO." Said Mace. "I WANTED TO GO BACK TO NEW YORK AND SAVE SEEMORE!" he cried.

Luke also cried, because he was about to face the Vade and Fireeyes. "We were yanked away from our talk and now I have no famly!"

Leah put her hand on his soldier. "I'm here brother" They smiled. "But where is my son? And Han?"

Luke looked around. "We must have been transported to different times." He looked at Mace and stood his ground. "You're our enemy, right? "

"I WAS BUT NOW I HATE THE SITH MORE THAN THE JEDI BECAUSE THEY GOT MY BOYFRIEND KILLED."

He looked around and saw the foudners of siths. And Jedi. "I CAN END THEM BOTH. AND NOW PEOPLE WILL BE JUDGED BY INDIVIDUAL MORALS AND MERITS AND NOT WHETHER THEY COULD FOLLOW SOME ARBITRARY CODE."

Luke gasped. "You can't tamper with the past, Mace! It'll ruin the future and create a paradox! It would destroy time, like the Jar-Jar in the hood wants!"

Mace thought. "IF RIGHTING WRONGS IS WRONG I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT BUT I WILL HOLD OFF FOR NOW."

They had to make their way thru a Jedi-Siths fight and killed lots of both groups to get through. "I must find my son!" said Leah.

Luke looked to the sky. It was red and cloudy and no stars. "Brother, Father… I wish we could all be a family and also that Mom was alive."

Leah thought the same. They had to battle lots of Jedi and Sith of the past. Including the Emperor and Dark Plagus the wide.

They kiled them and crawled to a sdesert cave while lightsavers were thrown around them. In the distance.

"WE NEED SLEEP" said Mace.

They all slept ecxept Luke. He looked out to the two moons and thought of tattooing. He wondered if maybe Fireeyes and Vade saw the same.


	31. Lando: The New She-Raff in Town

Chapter 30- The New She-Raf in Town

"This town aint big enough for the 2 of us," said a cowboy in orange with a black hat.

"No, wait, do't shoot." said a woman with a child.

"Too late I'm the best in the west." said the gunner, he pulled out a gun and shot the woman and the child to DEATH.

"That's whatr they get for not paying their taxes."

The people in the wild west all quaked in fear as Assistant Sherif Po Dammit made his kill. "No one will stop me or the Sheriff."

Meanwhile, Lando woke up in a barn with a headache. "Where in star wars am I?"

He heard a weird moaning sound, and he was under a cow. "What."

He was in a barn. The sun was beating in through a windoe. A cowboy drssed in black broke in through the door. "Whoa, slow down there partner." said Lando.

Then someone shot him in the chest. He screemed and fell into cow poop.

"We aren't in star wars times." said a girl dressed up in like a cow-girl outfit that showed her legs and belly button "We are in the west." it was Susanna.

"How long have I been out?" asked Landor.

"For a year put this on." she threw him a cowboy hat, and a six shooter. "We are going to free the west."

They got on a horse and dashed of into the sunset.

"Shouldnt we be on two horses?" asked Lanmdor.

"The other horses needed to rest." said Susana, and Lando thought it was cool that she cared about animals. He put his arm around her shoulder so he wouldn't fall off, like in a friend way and not a sexy way.

They stoped at a cliff, and down at the bottom of the cliff was a hundreds of indians and ewocks.

"Lando I need you to make a speach." said Susanna, winking and bending over. "They will listen to you because you are a man."

"That makes sense."

So he put his hat on, and he spun his spirs "Today we will free the whole wild west from the evil sheriff who came and took all the gold from the indians."

Susanna nodded at him and ran her fingers through her hair.

"SHOOT TO KILL!" he decalred.

And they all road off to town together, waving axes and guns and yodeling.

"My sheriff, what must I do?" Asked Poo.

"Send our cowboys to burn the village down." said the sheriff, hidden in the dark, "If we destroy the village first then they cant rob it."

"Good idea!" sighed Poo Dammet.

So there men went and burned it all down, and killed everyone. It was a dark day.

Then the heroes got to the town, firing and swearing. Lando went after Po, while Sussana fought and evil cowgirl and they slapped each other.

"How could you become this dog?" LANDOR demanded, punching Po with his gun "We were friends."

"Because, the jedi, in there irresponsibility, ran over BB8, and now I must AVENGE!" his eyes glowed purple, Lando new he needed to be saved.

Meanwhile, Sussan knocked the evil cowgirl into a tub of water and dove un after her and they wrestled.

"Thank you," said Po, once he had been healed by the power of the lorde, "But the sheriff is still going to kill us all. He's a real bastard,"

So the two of them ran through armies and armies of evil cowboys and shot them all in the face, filling the streets with blood.

They killed 103.

"What a swell day, huh?" chortled Landor.

"Yeah buddy."

Then they got to the sheriffs hideout, it was the only remaining building in the town that wasn't burned.

The sheriff arose and blotted out the son, it was ! Mister Deathstar! Waving his arms and legs (Because he has those)

"You fool! I can destroy planets! You are nothing but antz to me!"

"You are no match for the power of our friendship!" and they shot there guns together and it made a big bullet that glowed.

"WHAT IMPOSSIBLE!" Shouted the Mister, and at the same time, Sussana threw the evil cowgirl at him, but she was only in underwear now, and the combined attack of the cowgirl and the friendship bullet broke Mister Deathstar's hard shell. He fell to the ground, vibrating, blood leaking from his hole.

"All I ever BUZZ wanted to do was BUZZ please my master. I just BUZZ I'm BUZZ."

"You will be avanged." said landor, taking off his hat, while Sussana took of her jacket. They all bowed down and watched him explode.

It was a sad day.

In the place where the hideout was they found in big glowing hole. "This whole might lead to our time." said Sussana.

Poo sighed "I have done many terrible things. I must stay here and atone by fixing the west."

"Ok." said Lando, and they went back through the hole, all of the indians and ewocks waved goobye, but some of them followed them into the hole because they had become heroes of the west, along with some good cowboys.

While Landor Carislinton where going togetherr in the hole, Lando dropped open a history book. It fell open on a page about the wild west. The title said "The man who saved the west" and it had a picture of Po in black and white. :'(

To BE CONTINUED


	32. The Forming of General Greedo

Chapter 32

AN: Okay guys the play is almosy over so I'll have more time to write! I really like it and might audition next year! My friend Jennifer is doin tech which is robotiocs with lights. That will help my writin even more becauyse I will be in a creative area like a real actor!

 **The Forming of General Greed**

In the times of Greivous, back wehn Anigan was still a jedi, and Mace was also, Greivous exploded from explosion!

"No! My head!" He cried out. He dropped all his lightsavers. But his robot body was put in a musesum as was his BRAIN!

Years and years later, Greedo delivered a mmessage to Han. [WRITE SCENE FROM THE MOVIE HERE WHEN ITS YOUR TURN TO RENT ONE]

Han shot Greedo after Greedo shot at him. Then he left and the bar owner and the two guys whop harased luke lifted his body.

They brought them to Java. "Greedo, my greatest warrior after the Fetts." But Boba was recently eaten by a rancore and he needed a new right hand hunter. "You were too weak to beat Solo so you have to become better!" And he invaded a museum to get robot bodys.

"This one is good." he said as he saw Greevos. "I will make you."

And he tried to but the armor on Gredo's body but it crumpled to dust except his head. "Darnit!" said the hot. He opened the Greedo's brains and put in Greevus's much larger brain. He morphed them together and also some of his dnA got on it?

He closed Gredo's head and rebuilt all of Grevus body. He then put the head. On it.

"My new warrior!" he said. "Now I will make a lot of money from people afraid of weaspons! Arise my love!"

General Greedo arose. He was confused because he had two minds. "Wait!" He said.

"Why am I a green alien?"

"Why am I a robot?"

"Quit talking to yourself," said Java. "That is not your job!"

"But we are two different people?"

"In one bod!"

"Ew! Why are you thinking about sex you disgusting

"Because I am human but WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A PART?"

"I have plenty of parts!"

"You know what part I mean!" (Greedo used to have a lot of women he liked but not much luck so IDK why he's complaining he never got to use his peni anyway.)

"Shut up!" Said Jaca. "You only had relationships because you had to do it to get money from people. You're not supposed to like it, it's a punishment!"

Greedo grumbled. Grevous had never met these two except in passing. So what the freak?

"You must learn to work together, and to become a macheen."

"We need something we have in common.""

"Ok." So they fouynd something. They both craved death. (Of others not themselfs)

They flew to a bunch of planets to collect bounties who didn't pay their gangster tax to Java.

They went to Vulcan to get money.

"That is illogical!" said the Vulcans. But it was Ron Par so they were angry and not as logical. So General Greedo had to fight. He kicked their butts. All 2000 of the Bulccan army.

"Good!" said Java. "Give me that money!"

"No, we are too powerful for you… I am too powerful for you!"

"But. But. But…."

General Greedo gave him the finger and flew away to work alone. And that is why he never wants to be a minion, only works temporary for cash. And now he is a Greek warrior?


	33. Kan, Nurse, and Stortrooper : In Japan

MEANWHILE

Between the white witches legs. Something crawled out.

She took her new baby and lifted him up above a crowd of monster "This is my new son! I will name him Han Solo after his father!"

AND THAT IS HOW HAN SOLO WAS BORN

Meanwhile

In ancient japan. Kan was being aproached by a gaysha. She wanted ti seduce him, but he was a homosex, so he vommited. "Come back when you are a man."

He was walking through a japanese samurai castle when he found a model of a small city built by an artist. He didn't notuce it so he walked on it.

Some guy yelled "GODZILLA!"

"You have offened the emperor!" said a ninja, cuming behind him.

"You FOOL I rule all!" he fought the ninja for twenty nine minutes.

"You are a great fighter." said the ninja.

"Yes." said Kan "Yes I am."

Then they both jumped into the air and got yellow spikey hair and shot lasers at each other (This is a parody of japanese cartoons. If you don't know about japanese cartoons you wont get it. Its over 9000!)

Then they both landed and agreed to stop fight "You are not as good as me, but you are pretty good" said Kan, crossing his arms over his ripped open shirt "Who are you?"

Then the ninja took off its hood and it was the nurse that Fireeyes had slept with.

"You're a girl!?" he scoffed.

"Yes, I am." and he was impressed but not sexually.

They both agreed to go to meet the emperor, of japan.

"Why its you." saod Kan once he saw the emperor. Who was it, you might ask?

THE GAY STORMTROOPER

"Hi guys." said Robert (Because that was his name) he was dressed like a samurai emperor but still with the stormtrooper helmet. He had fired all of the gayshas because he was a homesex.

Together they built a giant robot with all of the money of japan and flew it into spave to find a time hole (Sorry I couldnt think of anything for them to fight in this chapter. My dad is mad at me and wants me to get off the computer)

TO BE CONT


	34. Boss Nass and Largan : 10 Minutes Before

Chapter 24

TEN MINUTES BEFORE THE FIGHT

Boss Nass's head woked up. "Where am I? He asdked.

"Buzz blorp sting." said Largon. (Jar Jar send us thru time. We were transported 10 minutes before the the bog showdown with the man in the hood.)

"So what do we do now?"

"Buzzzzzzz?" (We wait for them to show up, then they will go back in time, and then reappear. And we will fight?"

"Chill." Said Boss ass. It was relaxed.


	35. Chapter 35: Tatooine Escape

In Tatooine in the past, Fireeyes came home to his wife. "I love you." He lied.

"I love you too baby." She told the truth. "How was work?

Fireeyes grew tired of this mundain, boring desert life. He missed causing pain and the jou and thrill of clashing swords. Of light. But he had to raise his son who was actually his dad if you remember.

"Son get in here!" he said. And Aniken did so. He was teenager. "You are so obedient da- I mean, son."

"Thank you father."

Fireeyes held up a hood. "Never work for a man who wears these. They are shit."

Anikan nodded. "Yes, dad."

Fireeyes took his "son" outside to show him the planet. "One day you will leave here. Do not become a Jedi or go the dark side."

"But father, I want to be important! And strong."

Fireeyes clenched his fists. "No wonder he loves Luke." He thought. "He was just like him as a kid. Wanting to be powerful without nowing the cost."

"SON PAY ATTENTION!" Fireeyes yelled to him. "Don't fail."

But Anikan was enamored with a new girl. She was a former Queen until her planet got democracy, so she moved here and he saw her around. She was named Padmay. "Dad, may I go court that woman?"

"No! Our kind doesn't need women!"

"But you're married to my mom."

Fireeyes thought, I do a lot of things with a lot of women. But he couldn't say that out loud, so he just recited the Jedi and Sith codes. Neither allowed sex and both were the most powerful. But Fireeyes was lying; he knew the truth. Sex is power.

Then a man appeard. He had a green lifesaver. "Hi. I am Kwi Gon Jim. I sensed the force here. Who has it?"

They looked at each other. They weren't sure if they trusted this man. "Whoever has it gets free tuishun at the Jedi academy!"

Fireeyes's eyes glowed and his teeth . He remembered a memory that is tech in the future but for him the past.

"I've been spying on Luke." Vade told his unfavorite son. "He may be on the wrong side, but he is powerful. All the jedi academies want him. You need to step up your skills."

"I'M TRYING!" Said Fireeyes. "My skills are deeper than his, like force choking and lightning and my eyes glowing."

"If your skills were good, you would have got letters."

"Father, I'm trying! I try all the time!"

"Try harder at your abilitys," said Vader, "Because they are shit."

The flashback ended. Fireeyes was so mad he almost went super sayan (not literllyy but it was that sort of feeling if it was anime?) He pulled out his sord to fight.

"I don't wish to fight!" said Kwi Gon Jim. "I just want to put your son in the Jedi academy!"

"No! If you do that he'll turn to the dark side and start kissing a gunguns ass!" He charged and the two laser battled.

"Dad no!" said Fireeyes.

"I'm not your dad, you're mine!"

"WHAT?!" Anikan looked within himself for a practical answer. There was none. _This_ was shit

Fireeyes stabbed the Jedi. "Now you're Kwi GONE Jim!" he said.

Anikan witnessed Fireeyes killing a man who might have helped him. Maybe this is what starts his path of dark side, but we do not know?

"What are you boys doing why is there a dead man?!" said Anikan's mom.

"Well my cover is blown." Said Fireeyes. He needed some way BACK TO THE FUTURE but did not know.

Then a spaceship like thing! One of Hans' inventions?

It opened up and was Jar Jar and Chewy!

"Not quite there yet," said Jar Ja," But we're closer."

"That is good."

"You!" Fireeyes creamed. "Your dark side did this!" He tried to beat him but Chewie and ANikan stepped in to stop them.

"I know! And I must beat him! So don't kill me"

Fireyes backed off. He climbed into the ship when he heard sirens. "Go, go! Go! I'm about to be arrested."

Anikan sighed. "Take me with you. I may hate you for lying to me, but I need to see what is out there, not be trapped on this rock forever."

Anikan and Fireeyes got into the ship, but not before a familllier face walked up. "Hey, it's me!" Said Jar Jar.

"Meesa gladsa to seesa yousa!" said Past Jar while flailing around like dumb.

"I was so immater." Said current Jar while everyone laughed. "Let's high tail it out!"

Jar Past gave Jar Present a special box. "Maybe this will help stop our dark side?"

They flew to the future again to rejoin the fight.


	36. His People and my people!

Chapter 36: His People and my people!

(I know the time travel story is confusing, but sometimes hard things are fun. You will have to bear with me, I promise it won't be grizzly, (Wrroooooooooo ;)

"We're are we going, gun gun." Demanded Fireeyes.

"I know how to find The Man's weakness." Said Jarjar solemnly, his eyes sparkling.

"I won't trust a gungun to lead us!" growled Fiereyes. Anakin tried to stop him, but he couldn't find the words to say.

Wookie said, "Wroooooooooooo!"

"yeah, he's right man." Said jar Jar "Just because I'm gunjun doesn't mean I'm the enemy."

"The man in the hood is such a dork. Hes the worst man." Said Fiereyes,

(NOTE: I am not a racist)

Fireeyes walked away angry stomping and fuming and hating. Anakin felt bad that his father was trapped in an old fashioned way of thinking. He reached out his arm and tried to say something to him, but he couldn't think of anything at all.

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'll be the one, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small

It was over my head

I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

Anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere, I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something...

"Hey, he'll come around." Said the ship's computer.

And Jar jar watched as Anakin began to grow up before his eyes, not on the outside but on the inside.

"We are almost there." Said Jar Jar.

Chewie said "Wrooooo" but it meant "Were"

"The place where the Man in the Hood was created."

Fireeyes sat alone in his room thinking dark thoughts, and the others thought "He will never change."

THE END


	37. THE JAPANESE MECH AND TRUE FRIENDZ!

Mace, Luke, and Leah made a camp on the former battle grounds. They ate beans.

"I miss Han." Said Leigha.

"I MISS SEYMOR" Said Mace.

"I miss them all." Said Luke.

They sat and and sat and sat and stared at the sky. Maybe something would save them?

"No!" decided Leigha." We must save ourselves!"

Luke and Mace took the motivation and built a boat. "If we build a boat," said Luke, "We can gradually build up to other tech. And eventually a time macheen!"

"YEAH WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM." Mace smiled.

Luke frowned. Mace worked for the Vade and the Hooded Man. Transporting him back would help the evil sid, but leaving him behind would be betrayal. He prayed to God. He didn't hear anything.

"It is a dark night but that does not mean God isn't with me." And it didn't.

"Hey, boys! This plan won't work." Said Leigha.

"Why not?" asked Luke.

"Because, it will take you so long to make it to a time masheen that by the time you build it it will be way past when we got here and it will take us to the far future instead."

"DANGIT." Shouted Mace. He threw the wood and crouched in a corner.

"We can't just stay here!" Luke insested. "They need us! Fireeyes needs us! Our father might turn goo-"

"That will never happen." Laya stared at him. Luke cried.

Then a Japanese mecha flew in! It landed.

"Good thing we found the time travel button!" said Emperor Robert.

"Mace!" shouted the Nurse Ninja, "Get your sexy ass in here!"

Mace looked to them, then to Luke and Leiah. "CAN THEY COME TOO?"

"They're the enemy you idiot!" shouted Kahn. "They will kill us!"

"No we won't scouts honor!" Luek saluted them.

"His sister is a whore," said Kahn, "She cheated on her man!"

"I WAS GIVEN FORGIVENESS1" She yelled.

"That is not relefant." Said Emperor Robert, "I don't care what you do but you're for the other side and helping you get back would be helping them win!"

"So you admit we can beat you?" Leigha smugged.

"NO YOU LIE!" Said Mace. "I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT VOUCHING FOR U YOU THOT!"

"Mace." Luke grabbed Mace's hand and looked into his eyes. Mace saw a true friend, in a world where there are not many.

"I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE MAN IN THE HOOD!" Said Mace. "HE SENT DEATH TO SEMOUR AND I HATE HIM! I ONLY CONTUNEE TO WORK WITH THAT CORNY MOTHERFUCKER VADER BECAUSE HE SAID HE COULD DESTROY THE JEDI, BUT AT THIS POINT I HATE THE SITH MORE! YOU CAN SHOVE YOUR SHIT UP YOUR ASS FREAKS!"

Kahn laughed. "No reason to get so emotional buddy."

"Wait! I have a plan!" said Luke. He jumped into the air and kicked all three of them unconshus. He took the wheel of the mech and bent it down. Mace and Leigha got in.

"They should forget your betrayl from their concushuns." Said Like.

"COOL! I CAN REJOIN AND FIGHT YOU FOR A BIT BUT WHEN HE GETS CLOSE ENOUGH KILL THE HOODED M!"

"I trust you now". Said Lei.

They all laughed and flew into space.


	38. Video Power

38: Video Power!

Five years after their Narnia adventure, (Read that chapter to know what happened if u forgot it was called "Good and Mideval" ;) ) Han and the Vade were in a forest outside of ancient Italy.

"I'm so bored!" said Vade. He was getting over his hangover because it was really bad. Also he cant handle his licker because he has so little biological parts. "When are you going to be done, Hans?"

"I'm working on it!" said Han as he invented out of the italian sticks a time or space machine to leave this place.

"We should go back to Narnia." said Vade. "That lady was nice."

"Eh, she was all right." said Hans, not knowing he was speaking of his own mother. He tinkered and twiddled the peices for the ship. "I wish Einstein could exist back in this time so he could help!"

"Yes."

Then something covered in sticky tree goo and leaves approached them.

"What is that?" asked Vade. "A knome?"

"No, it's a forest monster!" said Han. He reached for a stick but had no hands. Tough break!

The Vade's lightsaber was out of charge so he tried to use force choke. It lifted the monster, but the monster shot lasers?!

"How! Lasers aren't even invented yet!" said Dark Vader cryptically.

Vade dropped the thing and screeched. It flew at them and they for sure thought it was the end. Han's life flashed before his eyes… His Leigha. His son Mistake. His friends. Lamndo, Luke, Fireeyes. Chewie, his bff. Even The Vade who had become a sort of aponent friend. And the LORD… Maybe God was real? He did, after all, grow hands back when he believed. But also, would God really love somebody like him? He acted all tough and cool but on the inside he felt like he didn't matter to the people around him and that was why he acted mean sometimes. And now nobody would kow that side of him. Because the swamp monster was closing in!

"Not today !" said The Vade, and he wacked it. A backhand. Damn!

The forest things came off of the thing.

"Beep boop?"

"R2?"

"Yes it was me." said the droid. "I have wandered from pre historic Greek eating gyros to medieval Italy where I ate wine?"

"Woww! You must have had a lot of adventures!" said Han.

"Yes but there is no time to say now we must go. Hook my robotic parts to your machine."

"That is what I was missing!" said Ham. "I hav the structure but not the robotic power!"

R2 plugged his pluggy thingy from the movies into the wood. It was a little gunky because he hadn't pulled it out in hundreds.

They climbed onto it. It looked like a pirate ship. "And awaaaay we go!" said Vade.

They blasted off into spacetime.

But R2 wasn't going back to the fight until he coudl go to the end of time and find threepi.

(an: I've been learning a lot in school and aparently Italy and Greek are the same city in different times?! So I guess Narnia could be anywhere so why not next to it? It's cool when you can mix real life and your story together because it helps it be a beleiavble thing happened but it didn't because it's in your mind so it's not a lie about it but you can use true facts and I wroteit)


	39. Giving up on u

Chapter 49: Giving up on you

Luke and Leia and Mace floated on in the vast abys.

Leia had a sick stomach after all the fighting. "I wish i didnt have to be like this."

"I DOES THOUGH." said Mace, softly.

"I wonder if Fireeyes and the others have found each other." said Leia.

"Why are we always talking about Fireeyes! Gah!" said Luke, rasinging his hands.

Because he is our friend.

"He's not my friend." said Luke "He's my evil brother. Everyone won't stop focusing on him." Luke also missed making love with Sussana, but he wouldn't admit that.

"I'm going to bed." he said and went to his room, while Leia watched on but Mace was flying the robot.

MENAWHILE

Something sinister floated through space.

"I have come!" said Count Duuku.

Fireeyes in his ship had just woken up, "What's for breakfast?" he jabbed.

"Eggs I made." -Anakin.

Jar Jar ate some of them with his tongue, but Fireeyes grabbed the tongue and said "Don't do that."

Chewie was wearing an apron with hearts on it. "WRoooooooo!"

Then the spaceship shook. "What in the ass was that." said Anakin.

Chewie went and got the door. Outside was standing Count Dooku (His spaceship was connected to there's so he wasn't just standing in space I know you cant do that)

"The Man in the Hood has a message for you-" said Count Dooku, " **DIE!"**

And the count shot purple lighting out of his fingernails and eyes and mouth.

Nooooooooooo- said someone

Everything happened so fast, and blurry.

"My work here is done." said Count Dukeew, putting on a tophat and going back into his ship "Ta ta"

Jar Jar searched himself "I'm okay. Who did he hit?"

Chewie said "WroooOOooo" which meant he was fine and rarin' to go.

Fireeye . . . held Anakin weeping and covered in blood. "Take my son to the sickbay!"

They took him to the sickbay and a robot did surgery on him . . . he . . . was okay!

Fireeyes was glad, but his heart was filled with darkness. He sat at the window starring into the infinite abyss of space. Jar Jar aproached him.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to . . ." Fireeyes didn't want to say, but Jar Jar saw him hiding something in his sleeve.

"Fireeyes, don't do this."

"I have to." said Fiereyes, stroking the shaft of THE GUN.

He rose and walked away, darkly. Fireeyes knew that the gun was his, and that he had to use the gun to kill his enemy. That's what guns are for, after all.

He walked past Anakin who saw the gun, "Daddy, where are you going?"

Fiereyes grinned, "To put lead in a man."

It was not a thing Anakin would ever forget. Jar Jar followed, "No! If you do this you will be just the same as him!"

But he didn't listen. Fireeyes left the room, and then there was a sound of gunfire. Anakin sobbed.

"It wasn't a big deal." said Fireyes to himself, later that night, "People die. I just helped." he smoked a cigarette and tried not to think about the pain in his heart.

"None of it's a big deal." said Luke, sitting alone in his room too. And they were all alone.

(NOTE: I do not want this to be about polotics. I don't care about gun control)

Jar Jar Binx knew that the gun was pure evil, and that would day it would cause the universe great harm.


	40. MILESTONE MUSICAL!

Chapter 40: MILESTONE!

I have forty chapters! To thank you all for reading, I will write a song from the characters to you!

Fireeyes sat in the mech ship. He stared out the widow.

FIREEYES

Here in space

In the dark abyss of my mind

I find

There's nothing I could to end the pain

Here in space…

Luke also stared out the window to the stars. His voice is a tenner. (That means high)

LUKE

Here in spaaaaaaaace,

I wish that my family would get along,

That's why I sing this songg. Up here in space!

LEIGHA

(Here in space!)

Vade and Han and R2 rowed their time space boat to the future.

VADER

The dark side has pulled me,

People have fooled me

But I will come out on top, I will!

I only wish that my sons would disover how to bend to my will!

HAN

And I'm ready to kick some ass!

R2

Beep boop

Put them on blast!

VADER AND HAN

Our alliance ends as soon as we get baaaaack!

Mistake Solo shot up on the geyser. He vocalized as he rose. This provides the background music for some of the other lines.

Then we see Lando and Susana leading the cowboys, Indians, and Ewoks in a dance.

THEM

Now you know that you may die,

Or get your guts pulled out!

But when you want to cry,

Do a happy shout! For it' is a pain

You know it's a disgrace

If they can hear you scream in space!

FIREEYES

Here in space

I will face you, man I will!

Cut to Mace.

MACE

CUT TO MACE

YES, IT'S MY TIME TO KILL!

I'LL AVENGE YOU LOVE

AND I'LL PISS ON THEIR FACE

AND THEIR ASHES WILL FLOAT

AWAY IN SPACE

Audrey 2 looked into the man in the hoods crystal ball and saw him.

AUDREY 2

Just you wait!

Jar Jar and the man in the hood both sing from where they are.

JAR JAR

How could I have let it come to this?

You're good and peaceful, but something goes amiss

You burry that side of yourself deep down

It's the way that this world makes you get around…

THE MAN IN THE HOOD

But then it overcomes you and you must obey…

JAR JAR AND THE MAN IN THE HOOD

And that story is even darker

Than open space!

Kan, the Nurse, and Robert did an interpretive dance. (They are awake in the mech now but Luke and co. hide behind walls and stuff when they come around)

Largan and Boss Ass wait in space.

BOSS NASS AND LARGAN

Well, it's been about a minute

And we're still floating here.

It's getting kinda boring,

And I could use a beer

I'm sure they have adventures that they would like to take

But they need to hurry up,

Cuz as for us we're stuck in space!

Boba Fett got shot down by a clo trooper.

BOBA

Why do I always get shot?

In space?

GENERAL GREEDO

I'm not in space!

I'm killing these Greeks!

Their innards paint the feilds,

With the gyros from their meals!

FIREEYES

Right now it's a reflection, but soon it's YOU I face…

LUKE

And after that meeting,

VADE

I think we will all need some…

ALL

Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

R2

Beep boot.

(AN: I wanted to write my own song since I quote a lot of them for comedy and also drama. But I thought it would be cool for me to experiment with that I'm glad i did but maybe not for a while. It was hard. I will write a musical one day though! Come see me on Brodway! Thats the company that makes musicals)


	41. Who Will Save Us From Hell?

Chapter 41: Who Will Save Us From Hell

Han: In the fourth day of my journey across the cosmos, I fell into a deep sleep, and I had a dream, and in the dream I was in a vast wasteland all alone, and I walked and walked for many days and many weeks, until I saw a light, and at first I avoided that light because I didn't want to see what I had become. Was I still a man? Was i a robot now? A mnonster? Vader? Zargox?

I cried out for Landor but he didn't hear me, so eventually I walked into the light. I looked down at my hands and saw that they were still not there, so I wept.

Then I saw a glowing person standing before me I couldn't tell wether it was a man or a woman, but it had a ring around it's head and two vast shimmering wings.

"Han Han it is hard to kick against the goat."

"Who are you?" I cried out.

"The angel of the Lorde, and I have come to you that you might be light and slavation to the people of space."

I scoffed, "Tsshk, what about Luke. He's mr. Dandy Hero guy."

"You have been chosen by the lord. Do not doubt him."

"I do." said I, still scoffing, "Have you ever heard of science? Charles Darwin? Albert Einstein?"

The angel touched me on the hand. I looked into it's eyes and they where safires, "I AM GABRIEL! I STAND BEFORE GOD! I HAVE COME TO GIVE YOU THIS MESSAGE!"

Then the angel handed me a sword. "It is called 'Autumn' and you will know when to use it." I touched it and I heard a choir singing in me hed, "I should remember not to do that."

It was brown.

Then I woke up!

"What a fucking stupid dream." I said, but then I felt, and the sword was in my pants.

16 F _or God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life._


	42. Just Like Football (Guest Writer: Jennif

Chapter 42: Just Like Football.

(AN: My friend Jennifer wanted to writ a chap so I decided to let a amature writer try give her a chance)

One day the universe will end, in both time and where it stretches out. This is a scary thought for many of us, but for one man and his companion, it was a reality.

It was like a night sky with a glass floor, a black wall to back into. He could see everything and nothing at the same time. The Man in the Hood watched as the world existed at once. He could see, but not control - and this infuriated him. "It was the side of me who should have died that did this!"

The plant observed him. Audrey 2 hated this fate; nothing left meant nothing to eat. And he was hungy. Avarice was the only emotion he felt, but what more could one expect? He hated the fate, but he couldn't help but chuckle at his master's frustration. "C'mon, man! If I know those Skywalkers, I know they'll be back to get you. Then you have yo revenge!"

The Man turned around, snarling at the chloroform beast. "It's not them I need to gain ultimate power!" He turned back around. As long as his "good" side existed, he couldn't control anything, other than the weak minds of those who followed him. Once Binks was destroyed, he could tear down the boundaries of time and see the world at its fullest. He could rule the world at its fullest.

There was that knocking noise again. Two droids somehow floated to the end of space and time. They were noisy and annoying, but intangible to the man in the hood. At least, they would be until Binks arrived.

Once time was broken, the Man in the Hood would send the plant to destroy those of any time who would not bow to him. He could escape this strange concept of an "ending", because a permanent end with nowhere else to go? That is the scariest thing of all.

(AN Okay I think she did pretty good! Maybe I'll give her some edits but its good for a riter to make a uneditied post and get critiqued honestyl! Just me nice she is bmy friend and the Nurse is her!)


	43. Man in the Hood ORIGANS

**Chapter 42: The Man in the Hood (Origins)**

 _Every person comes from somewhere. Even THE MAN IN THE HOOD, he sleeps, eats, shits and wAs born, just like all of us. This is how he was born._

"Binks you retard. You don't have to talk in italics like that." said Fireeyes, scoffing.

They sat in a wet house in the gungun city. It was dark and gloomy.

 _If we want to defeet him, we must prevent him froim being born._

Jar Jar came into view, but he was a child. He had big fishy eyes.

Then Boss Nass came into view.

"Binks. What is yussa doing?"

Jar Jar did several pushups "Misa tryna be da best gungun!"

Nass scoffed.

THats your brother

"Wait! Boss Nass is your daddy.!" said Anikin.

"Yeah I'm the prince oif the mermen." said older Jar

"This is retarded." said Fireeyes.

Then came into view, that one gungun from Starwards Episdoe one, who was the general gungun. Surpise surprise he's Jar's BROOO (I dont know his name, so ill call him Raj Raj Kinbs)

"Is that Raj Raj Kinbs?" said Fireeyes.

Shut up and watch.

Baby Jar did several situps "Am meeesa da best gungun." he asked, innocently.

NO~!

Said Boooss Nass "That is your BRO!"

Raj Raj apluaded.

Then Boss Nasa gave Raj Raj a big golden trophy that had a naked golden gungun on it and said "Number One-sa Gungun"

 _ **THIS IS HOW HE WAS BORN**_

Thunder struck. Baby Jar went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

 _I am so sooo tired of everything, of victory, of loss, of sleeping, of eating, of shitting, all the time._

Someone stood behind him in his reflection. He wore a HOOD

 _I am tired. Of. TIME._

Chewie said "WROOOOOOOO"

"Quick." said Jar "Get it!"

Fireeyes ran in and took the gungun trophy.

"And this will destroy him?" said Fire

"Yes. This will destroy. Me."

TO BE CONTINUED


	44. Chapter 44

**_Chapter 44_**

In the robot mech Luke laya and Mace hid in the crawlspsce. "It's cramped in here." said Laya.

"Move Mace!" said Luke. "You don't have to hide."

"I'M TIRED OF THAT SQUAD THEY'RE ANNOYING."

"Ugh. Our asses are touching." said Luke to his sis.

"Hey what in the sam hill is under there?!" asked Kan.

"JUST ME! HABING ALONE TIME!" said Mace.

"Wanna have with me time?" asked Kan.

"NO"

They passed Flash Gordon's ship and then a large meliminum falcon type thing. It was… LANDO AND SUSANA?!

"Hey! It's our enemys!" said Robert.

"Shoot them." said the nurse.

Landor and Susana had their whole army of cowboys and endians and ewoks and also all the armies who went back in time but not the droids or storm because they worked for Hood.

"Don't shoot us! We're shoot back!" laughed Sus.

"Well, we're at a standstill."

Luke and Laya got up. "We'll go over to the other ship." And they did.

"Let's just go!" they said. "We'll foight there."

And all the group will meet up in the nxt chapter!

AN: Te storm and droid arms will just be there from their own adventure… That YOU can writr.


	45. IT BEGINS (EXPLICIT)

Chapter 45: IT BEGAN

And finally Cheiw and Jar and Fire and Annie got to the end of the universe (Of time) and they saw a great glowing light.

They weren't at the place where the man with The Hood was yet. "This isn't where the man in the hood is." said Fire, balking and scoffing,

They saw a great glowing light.

Chewie apraoched Fire and putr his hand on his shouldeer, "You no." he said. "It isn't nice to say retarded. Retarded people will find it to be mean."

But fire shook him off and said Fuck that's retarded.

There was a great glowing light. They went unto it.

"Come closer." said a british sounding voice.

"I'm already as close as I can be, bitch." said an angry loud voice.

"What the hell." said Anakin.

And when they got closer to the light, they perceived two figures, both glisteniung with sweet and metal and wrapped in each other like tentacles.

"Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh good!" they both exclaimed.

Fire covered Annies eyes.

"What are you up to, you scoundril?" said Chewie to the two.

What was in this light was this, 3PO, and he was having sex with The Black Robot from before.

"Good job gays." said Jar Jar.

They were all happy to find there friend after all of there searching. They all hugged him and cried, and I guess they probably liked the black robot now because he was threepios BF.

"We have been slamming the metal together since we both died." said they both.

The quest to find threepios soul was now complete.

"Now we just have to kill that bastard with the hewd." said Annie.

Meanwhile, Audry 2 was watching. He winced and growled. "I can't believe these two have stopped slapping it." he had been drawing art work of them doing the junk and posting it on deviantart. He was deviantart famous.

"I'll kill them for this, and eat!" the shit out of them.

The oil from their reproductions scattered across time and space, and it was how the first robot were born. Little did threepio and the black know that they were the fisrt robot gods!

TO BE CONTNT

AN: I know it upsets people when u say the r word, retarded. It's an awful thing to say. but Fireeyes is kind of a bad guy and I needed a bad thing for him to do that was more like a real life bully so hes relateble to our lives. He's not pure evil hes just relly confused.

Also thank for all the revews! And the mesages! you arre a great and sexy fan group.


	46. The Great Paralel

AUTHERS NOTE: I really love all the reviews that I get from the fans! I like that u all like the comedy as well as the drama. When I first started the story I knew that Jar Jar needed to be in it because he was the comic relief even tohugh the story is serious. While all the star wars are good when he started to have smaller roll and then disappear completely there wasn't as much comic relief and it wasn't as good. The reason things got a little more sily in later chapters is that I realized in my story Jar is a serious guy so he couln't be comic releif like in the movies. So I added more jokes in later chapters but things can still be serious!

Also thank you to Port town for being supportive of my story I will try to write more based on wjat u said u liked!

Susana Darkhell smirked at the stars in her pink tank top and black booty shirts that her cheeks peeked out from the bootom. She sighed. "Are we there yet Lando?"

"No, I told you to be patient!" he said as he polited the ship. He dodged ass droids like the cowby he is. Susuana rolled her eyes.

"I need to get to Fireeyes so we can do it!" she said as she imagined his darkness entering hers. She licked her lips. There was a fork in her tong like on a snake.

"We don't even know what time Fireyes went to.

Susana went to the hallway past the hospital room wjeere Leah was healing the wounded stormtroops and Indians. She rolled her eeyes at such goodness. She walked into a room she thought was hers but it was Luke crying.

"Luke?" She asked comfortingly. "Why are you being a little bitch?"

Sniffle. "I thought I was ready to face my father, but now that weve been hurled back in time and have to get to the fight ive had time to think. He is my dad, and in the Bible it says I ned to obey my daddy. But it also says to fight the ungodly and Darth Vade is an. Ungodly. Man." Luke cried more. Susana sat on his lap, and she was only in her underwear. She had a black g-string and purple d-cups for her chests. "It's jst so. Hard." Luke cried.

"I can make it hard." Susana laughed, "If you want." She kissed Luke all over.

"No, Susy I can't! Fireeyes is my brother and you're his girl!"

"Fireeyes may be lost in time for all I know! And because we've time traveled all the way from the front teer times I haven't had a cock in thousands of decades technically!"

"But in the machin its only been a few hours."

"EVEN THAT IS TOO MUCH!" Her bra slipped and she acted like tit was an accident but it wasn't. "Fireeyes is probably never coming." Back

Luke slapped Susana and hse fell to the ground. He realized what he had done and looked at his hands. "I'MS OSSRY I JUST get so passionate about my family and I will not let anybody say my brothen is dead!"

Susana liked the slap though. She stood up and pushed Luk on his bed. "Do it to me right now Sky Boy!"

And Luke violagted his bro's trust yet again. L

Somewhere out there, Mistake sprung up into the end of time.

The co ordinates on Han's shiu showed "ALMOST THERE."

"Well, Solo…" Dark Vade said, "It lookdlike we're about to be enemies again."

"Yeah. It was nice to get to know you though!" Han said. He didn't tell Vade about the sword because they were about tpo be enemies again and maybe he coulduse it as a snak attack.

"Wait why are we going to the end of time?" The Vade asked.

"Because," said RD2, "That's where Threpios's soul is!"

The Vade force choked R2. "You are shit!"

"Hey don't hurt the doid!" Han yelled.

Vade said, "His incompetence will ruin my master;s plans. I need to get baclk to the battle site, not the end of time! I've wasted enough!"

"I wasted years"! said R2. "I need my BFF!"

"And why are you such a puss?" asked Han.

"I'm not a puss I am the Vade!"

"Well, you sure do take orders like you're the man in the hood's ho."

R2 said "OOOOOOOHHHH!"

"Listen here, Solo… I will not switch to your side! "

"Good I don't want you to! People shoiuld be true to himself and don't try to conform into already set patterns of moralicy."

They hit a bump. "Guess that's the end of the world."

Vade and Han and R2-D2 got out of the space time thing and saw the empty void of space. Then he saw… a gungun? "Jar Jar?" Han asked.

Jar Jar was nervous to interact with Jan because of Mistake but they couldn't worry about that now. Vade, Solo, and the droid met up with the other group.

"Threeepio you're alive!"

"Yes I am Mustard R2. I birthed every ronbot as well!"

"I'm here too. " Said Black.

"Good to see you friend." Said Fireeyes. "I had to ride through time with them."

"Hey," Han said, "Chewie is my beary best friend! (AN GET IT) and Anikin grows up to be Vade wo while he's a bad father and a enemy he's a good drinking buddy. Jar , wel…" It wasn't time for that personal squallbe yet.

Han and Chewie hugged. Jar Jar hugged himself.

Vade looked at the crew, all on the opposint side. "Well, looks like I am outnumbered." He chuckled. They chuckled back.

"We don't have to start fighting until I find the Man in the Hood said Jare Jar."

"I found you!" said Hood. They turned around There was the man in front of the void.

Vade moved to his side and drew the light saver.

Mistake found the group from shooting up the geyser and stood BETWEEN SOLO AND JAR JAR.

"You're outnumbered, asshole!" said Fireeyes.

"Son," said Vade, "Come back to the Dark Side. I will make you king of Mustafar."

"Kings are gay!" Fireeyes screamed.

"You are a disapoiuntment child. I wish Luke was the dark one so he could come over." He looked to ANikan. "You are me. Join the dark side now?"

Anikan looked at Fireeyes, then to Jar Jar. "Not yet."

"You're outmatched," Jar Jar said, Prepare for –

THEN the Japanese mech arose, being piloted by Mace Windu, Kahn, Robert, and the Nurse. Audrey II also rose up, bigger and meaner and greener than you'd ever seen.

"I've been eating the leftover oil from you two," said the plant, "And it is indestructible."

"If you want to get to me," The Hood said, "You have to go through them.

Han Solo reached for his sword.

OOOOOOH CLIFFHNGER! BETCHA DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE CUMIN! :D


	47. Hood in THE HOOD!

Chapter 47: Hood in THE HOOD?!

In the end of time, in the greet nothingness it looked like deep space, but with big broken clocks everwhere like that painting.

Luck's ship crashed with all of everyone in it while Mace Shouted "fuck"

It crashed against a big broken clock the size of half a planets and everybody rolled on out. "Time to fight the hood, said Landor.

The hood man stood on a tower of wreckage, taunting them and scoffing. "Bite me." he said, maliciously, his cold lips curling into a putrid smile.

The first one to run at him was Luke, "I'm going to bring you down you sinful jerk!" he shouted rightously, but just then he slipped and tripped over a broken clock and sprained his ankle!

"Ow! I can't fight like this." Luke sobbed.

"Catch me you hoes." said the man in the hood, drifting backwards like a ghost.

Vade ran after him to be his helper.

"Annie, you stay here." said Fireeyes to Anikin.

"You aren't my father." said the younger seed of Vade.

"No, but you are my son." said Fireeyes, and his eyes were filled with fire, but it was a warm fire and Anenken felt warm inside and sat down peacefully, then Firey ran after the hood.

2D, Threepio and the Black Robot all got rockets and zoomed after Hood, questing for bloody revenge.

"I will shoot that dick." said Landor, smiling and running off. Sussana went after him, but Luke cried out "Wait! Someone don't leave me alone! I'm really sad :("

Sussana said "Grow a pear." and went off with Landor Carlasingington.

Leia sighed, "Fine," and she stayed with Luke to try and help him feel better about his sprain.

Chewie got on motorcycle that Han had built him that could fly and he pursued.

Mace and Han were both distracted by the plant, who now was singing.

Jar walked confindently toward his evil side, taking him time.

"You'll never get me in here!" said Hood, opoening a dark portal and everyone who was following him went in,.

Round 2: In the dark hole

"I want a piece of his ass first!" said Sussana, who was wearing a skintight black catsuit with a tail, "I'm a woman and I'm mad!"

"Whoa, calm down there," said Landor, smiling, "Didn't we kill you enough cowboys?"

But deep down both of them remembered Mr. Deathstar and how sad his life was and it made them want to kill hood a lot.

"Did you forget about us?" said the Nurse, seeming to apear out of nowhere, also wearing a skintight catsuit, she played with her tail mockingly, "We aren't going to let you touch our dark master."

Sussana growled, all around them was a vast void of purple lightning.

"Hey there big guy." said Robert, coming up in his samurai armor, talking behind Lando, "I think I need some chocolate in my diet." he said, gayly.

"Nobody eats or has sex with anything until The Man in the Hood has destroyed time, got it?" mocked Kan, also coming out from behind, holding two samurai swords.

Everyone who was chasing hood stopped.

"Go on guys," said Landor, "We'll take care of these chumps!"

Everyone ran past them.

"I could use some excercise, I think." said the nurse, stretching and showing off her figure.

"I'm going to rip all the hairs off your head!" shouted Sussana, takcling her and falling into her chest, and they began to wrestle each other.

Landor fought off the two evil gay men with his gun, one laser gun and one six-shooter. He fought each of them with a different gun.

Round 3: In the Hood?!

Suddenly everyone but the ones having that fight we talked about found themelves in the streets of L.A in the year 2005!

"Oh dear, is anyone else sick of time Travel?" said threepio.

"Beep Boop." said 2D

"I certainly am," said mistake, who borrowed a machine gun from a gangster. He started firing at The Man in the Hood, but a gang of thugs with bling started shooting back at him shouting "We're gonna pop your ass, bitch!"

"Marvelous," said the man in the hood, now he was disrobed, a fish like mutant covered in scales, but still wearing his head over his face. He was now wearing gold chains with glimmered with lightning.

Everyone fought through the gangaster. Blood was everywhere.

A line of gangsters with gats opened fire on them and Mistake mowed them down with his bullets.

Yo Yo that;s wack!

One came up behind chewie and sucked in cocain into his nose and shot it at chewie. It got into chewie's mouth and he got high! But 2D cut the man in half with a saw blade while he shouted "Say hello to my little friend!"

Chewie stumbled away into a strip club and vommited all over a naked prostitute. "What's the jig hommie?" said a ganagster who wasn't evil. He got chewie a cup of cold water and put a blanket on his.

MEANWHILE

Everyone else covered their mouths and ran after hood, who was still floating backwards.

Hood shot lighting bolts at them.

Mistake said, "I don't know if you are an evil version of my father, I'm confused now." he sat down and thought.

Threepio got up to the hood, but then suddenly Vade apeared, and he cut off all of the robots legs. THIS SUCKS they all said at the same time.

MEANWHILE

Landso Carliton and Sussan were continuing to fight the evil gays and the nurse. Sususuna's clothes were ripped and she fell over and grabbed the nurse in her chest and both screamed.

"Landor I just want to say something." said susan.

"Now ain't a good tiome." said lando, sooting Kan in the foot :0

"I just want to say I'm glad we became friends, and after this I hope we don't have to fight. I like you."

Lando spun and so did Sussana and for a seciond they faced each other. Landor said, " **I know**."

Round 4: Father and Son

"Stay away from him." said the Vade, as The Man in the Hood crackled behind him, "He's my boss. He gives me my paycheck."

"And I'm your son!" shouted Fireeyes, "What about me."

The two stared at each other intently for mere moments, before Vade announced, "Go to your room."

"YOU BITCH!" howled Fireeyes and he came down on Vade and they crossed sabers. "He's using you you ignoramus!"

"You don't understand anything about being a grownup." said Vade, clashing and slashing. They both fought each other into time square and a crowd watched them cheering.

"You don't have to pay bills, or feed a family, or own a car. You should be happy with the life I'm providing for you."

"I don't want a life working for that **penis** !" said Fire, pointing at The Man in the Hood.

They fought their way to the top of the fountain.

They both slapped it together hundreds of times, shooting out sparks and setting cars on fire.

"I have to be myself." said Fireeyes, softly while they were both panting.

Vade said, "They never let me. Why should you get a chance."

Then there was a silence. While they both thought.

Suddenly the Man in the Hood was on top of the fountain, blasting electric attacks. They went through Fireeyes and made him fall to his knees. "Kneel before the power of nothing ness!" he said, quivering with evil thoughts.

"Yes, learn your place, son." said Vade, crossing his arms, trying not to look.

"I will turn you into nothing." said Hood, chuckling and giggling.

"Yes." said Vader.

"I will wipe you from history you ass." he continued to electrocute Firey.

"Now!" said The Man in the Hood, lifting Fireeyes with his mind, "Go to your room!"

And suddenly, there was a small fire in Vade's own eyes. He glared up at The Man in the Hood, "YOU CAN'T SEND HIM TO HIS ROOM. I AM HIS FATHER."

The man in the hood said "Wot?!"

"You . . ." said Vade, going at the man in the hood and lifting him up, "YOU ARE SHIT."

And he threw the man down into the founatin. The whole thing buzzed with electricity because the man in the hood had been shooting lighting. It buzzed, then stopped.

Was he dead?

TO BE CONTINUED


	48. Mace's Vengeance and Solos's Destineen

Vengeance!

Meanwhile Haqn and Mace faced Audrey II who laughed.

"You cannot beat me, Han Solo… Or should I say NO HAND SOLO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Very funny…" mumbled Hand. But sarcastic

"I don't want to wastee my energee on this punk… Mace, take him out."

"NO!" Mace said. "I ONLY STUCK WITH THAT FOOL VADER AND THOSE WEIRD DUDES FROM JAPAN BECAUSE I AWANTED A CHANCE TO GET BACK TO YOU! I WILL KIIIIIIIIIIL YOU YOU GREEN FUCNK!"!

"That's racist." Said Plant. Maace nodded to Han and pulled out his lightsaver and went to town but every time he cut or stabbed the plant it grew its vine back. And laughed.

"You can't stup me! Only one sword can, and it has been gone forever!"

Han sgaped. The sword?

"Here! Han said. " Use this!"

Mace took the sword out of Han's pocket and fite the plant. He charged as Han ducked and hid from the vines.

The plant smiled as its flowers budded. In one flower was Seemore's face.

Mace stopped. "SEEMORE? IS THAT REALLY YOU?"

His face smiled. "Oh, Mace! You're here! I missed you. It is so lonely in this planyt."

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STILL ALIVE! LET ME CUT YOU OUT!"

"No, Window! YUou can't or I'll die. I have to only be alive in the plant so if you want to see me know killing."

"MACE NO IT'S A TRAP!" Han screamed.

But Mace was already hypnotized by the plant. He dropped the sord and leaned in to kiss "SEYMOUR".

bUT Seemore made an evil face and laughed in the plan'ts voice. It was a decoy! copy

The plant reached his mouth to eat Mace and spat him on the ground. "I like you," he said tauntingly." I will eat you and sit you out for ETERNITY!"

"EW GROSS!" Mace yelled. He welded his sword but the plant grabbed it.

Han jumped in front of Mace and helped him up. They stood back to back but the plant joose made Mace week. So he had to leen. They both cut the vines but they kept growing back!

"Mace, u caqn't fight him!"

"I MUST!" Mace said "THIS AINT YOUR FITE SOLO!"

Solo looked Mase in the eyes. "Killing the plant won't bring him back/." He said.

Mace screamed and fell. "HELP ME UP MOTHER FUCKER HELP ME UP!"

"I'm sorry." Han said. "I can't let any more people die even though I don't know you that wlel you seem nice. I will kill it for you."

Han tried to weild his sod but he could not grip. It. The plant laffed.

"You handicapped full! You can't even weild a swod!" He sung a song.

"I am a badass

And you are just Han

No-hand Han

Who can't fire any gun!

And now I put mAce INTO my face!

But I'll just crush you cuz I don't want to taste

No-Hand Han!" He cackled.

"I've been watching you all, kiddo!" he continued. "You're a failure and you make all the wrong choices! Even when u r good to ppl they betray you because you are a handless and worthless! "

The plant is just taunting me. Han thought. I'm not useless!

The plant said, "Also you were right about your dream. A dream where you're actually helpful to ANYBODY?!" He laughed. "That IS fucking stupid!"

Han went to the dark wrinkles of his mind as the plant beat and crushed and drilled him. In there he remembered everyting. How when he and Chewie were teenagers they smoked drugs and only looked out for themselves. He saw himself meeting his best human friends, Luke and Lando, and Luke's brother and father ho he also loved as friends.

SMACK from the plant who yelled.

hE SAW all the times he made fun of them or they made fun of him. And his inventchuns; whevener one of his close friends was sad instead of helping out or talking he would go build things. "Technolgy won't hurt your feelings and you wont hurt its feelings."

SLASH.

Then he sawLeah. His beautiful woman who was also related to Luke. He tried to be gud to her but felt like he couldn't give emotion back like she gave to him so sometimes he ignored her. No wonder she came to the gun gun. He cheated with the White Witch to so he couldn't judge her; he was just so hurt.

Mistake. His son. He loved him, even though it was not bio. Even though that baby was Jar Jar's he treated him like a Solor and loved him. Also his other son Kylo Ren. But he was never there for them because he was always cought up in fights and travel tosave the galevy.

"I am Han Swolo." He siged. "Everyone leaves me and I cant be anger because I deserve it. I had a chance to accept the LORD and I didn't so no hands… And whatever the God would give to make me better? He won't becdause I can't believe.u "

"Mmm, you shud believe!" Han looked forward and saw a hologram of Yoda. "God loves you. Still."

Han looked to the sky and prayed.

"PRAYER WON'T HELP YOU NOW SPIT SOLO!" The plant yawned.

Han prayed. "Dear God. I feel such a falure. I am useless and worth less but I will try to believe."

"My son," said God, "I made you. You have sins but they can be washed away. I gave you a talent for inventing and fight skills and now… FAITH. I love you now go help your friends."

Han looked up. He looked to the plant who kept beating him.

He grabbed its vine. WITH TWO HANDS.

"I walk with God!" Han said. The instruments of Sudden ly Seymore played.

"You still cant stop me!"

Han grabbed the sword. "I will give you a chanse to surrender and stop cruelness! If not die!"

"{HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA I AM MANDE OF EVAL!"

Han said, "No. We hall have a choice. You chosew wrong!

Han chared forward with the sword. The plant tried to stop him but couldn't. "OH SHIT!" it yelled. Han cut it down into tiny shards. He cut those into more and took out all his riteous rage and fury. One tried to crawl away but he ate it.

Ironic!

Han stabbed the final piece an looked to Mace. He started to wake up.  
Han helped him him up. "You okay buddy?"

"I GOT SO DISTRACTED BY REVONGE… I FORGOT THAT SOMETIMES THE BAD GUYLIES!"

"It's okay, Mace." Han smiled at his new friend. "Are you still revenging the Jedis? Or siths?"

"NO I'M DONE WITH MOTHERFUCKING REVENGE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW THO."

Han Solo grinned and tooked to the sky. "Have you heard about Jesus?" He asked.


	49. The Ending of All Things

**Chapter 49: The END of all Things (OVERTIME)**

Bullet after bulet plummted into Robert's exposed chest, then Landor moved on to Kahn. Both gay men fell onto the glowing purpole ground and spewed blood and stopped moving. "Don't worry." saiod Laindor, "I avoided the vitals."

"Me too!" said Sussana, as she seized the mostly naked nurse, struggling, and turned her neck her with a snap.

Landor helped Sussana to her feet.

They both looked over all the blood of the battle they one. They were both covered in blood.

"Thanks," said Susan "For being my friend and not a man."

He nodded, "Sure thing, babe." and the vibes were platonic. ! Score!

Mistake sat in a puddle full of cigarette butts, thinking to himself, "I don't know what I have to do with this plot. I shud matter because Jar is my dad, but do I?"

He imagined Jar with a man look in his face, coming after Leia as she screamed. Then in his mind he saw the man in the Hood, destroying and burning everything.

Darkness and Fire!

Both Jar and Hood were part of the asame hole, both one man, one fish. Mitsake began to cry.

Suddenly 2D came over. The puddle washed the blood off his treads. He was dragging the now lame threepio.

"He may be your father," said 2D, "But he ain't your daddy."

Then Mistake thought of Han, how he was shy but also good and brave and godly, and he cried and thanked god.

"I should get me some wheels." said Threepio, and The Black Robot carried his gay boyfriend on his shoulder around.

Chewie was lead out by the nice gangster and nice strippers and he was smoking a regular cigar, not a weed cigar, and everyone sat in the street, talking about theirt childhoods and starring at the glowing purplle sky; where they knew gods were fighting over time.

"Oh geez oh geez," said Vade, his voice getting shriller, "Am I fired?"

"If you are, then good." said Fire, smiling hotly.

The fountains exploded, and all three of them flew up into the sky, standing on clouds.

"I thought we killed you!" said Fireeyes.

YOU FOOLS

YOU IGNORANT PUSSYS

The voice came from somewhere, but they couldn't tell where.

I HAVE BEEN AROWND SINCE BEFORE THE BEGINING OF TIME, I, THE GREAT NOTHING, THE DEMON HOOD YOU CAN't KILL ME BY THROWING ME IN PISS

The small form of hood levitated and changed, getting bigger and he grew wings, and he was shaped like a whale now.

THIS IS MY FINAL FORM

Said the whale with wings THE EATER OF TIME

"Oh hell." said Vade and Fireeyes at the same time.

The whale smiled, "Been there, done that." He opned his gargantun mouth and spit lighting at them , but they just barely dodged. He did it agant and they deflected it with their sabers.

This went on for at least 23 minutes. It was long. And desperate.

Suddenly someone else came.

"Hold it, big boy." said the voice.

I HOLD NOTHING BUT INFINITE POWER said The Eater of Time

"I know how you feel." said Jar, riding on a small white cloud, "I have always known how you feel."

"Fool." The Eater of Time turned back into The Man in the Hood "No one can feel me."

"I feel you, bro."

"I said no one can!"

He shot lightning at Jar, but Jar took it and kept walking.

"What? Are you a suicide?!" said Vade.

Fireeyes took him aside, "Stay off it. It;s a gungun thing."

Jar kept walking forward.

STOP

He kept walking

COME ON

He continued, bleeding

YOU IGNORAMUS

Jar reached The Man In The Hood and handed him something. It glistened and glowed in his palm.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS TRASH

What he had given him was this: The Number One Gungun Trophy from his childhood, the one that Boss Nass had given to Jar's brother back in chapter 42 (Go back and read of you forget).

Hood foze there, unable to deal with the shock. He suddenly had everything he wanted as a child. He smiled, then he glanced around at the devistation and his smile fell and faded.

I'm still not happy.

He dropped the trophy to the ground. Jar hugged him.

After all this there is still a void inside of me that nothing can fill.

Not even Jesus.

Jar hugged him and they were both sad.

I hurt myself today

To see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar sting

Try to kill it all away

But I remember everything

What have I become

My sweetest friend

Everyone I know goes away

In the end

And you could have it all

My empire of dirt

I will let you down

I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns

Upon my liar's chair

Full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time

The feelings disappear

You are someone else

I am still right here

Everyone everwhere in time stopped fighting. It started raining.

Mistake and Threepio watched the cloud rain down and fade, "Is it over?"

Jar and Hood landed slowly, still hugging.

"It's okay to be sad, but it's not okay to hurt people to try and be happy."

Hood cried.

"It's okay to be who you are. Who you are is me."

Vade and Fireeyes stood by watching this exchange. Fire said, "This is fruity."

Then time began to heal. The man's tears flowed through the cracks and melted them together liek hot glue. He floated and glowed.

Jar smiled.

The sun came out.

Vade smiled too, under his helmet.

Time began to be repaired, the damage he did to time repaired.

"I am you." said Hood, "And I am you." said Jar.

He sparkled and went into him, warming him.

The three friends walked back through LA, toward the rest of the group, who embarced them with open arms, and they all told stories as they went back to the portal.

"Man In The Mirror"

I'm Gonna Make A Change,

For Once In My Life

It's Gonna Feel Real Good,

Gonna Make A Difference

Gonna Make It Right . . .

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My

Favourite Winter Coat

This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind

I See The Kids In The Street,

With Not Enough To Eat

Who Am I, To Be Blind?

Pretending Not To See

Their Needs

A Summer's Disregard,

A Broken Bottle Top

And A One Man's Soul

They Follow Each Other On

The Wind Ya' Know

'Cause They Got Nowhere

To Go

That's Why I Want You To

Know

I'm Starting With The Man In

The Mirror

I'm Asking Him To Change

His Ways

And No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

(If You Wanna Make The

World A Better Place)

Take A Look At Yourself, And

Then Make A Change

(Take A Look At Yourself, And

Then Make A Change)

(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,

Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish

Kind Of Love

It's Time That I Realize

That There Are Some With No

Home, Not A Nickel To Loan

Could It Be Really Me,

Pretending That They're Not

Alone?

A Widow Deeply Scarred,

Somebody's Broken Heart

And A Washed-Out Dream

(Washed-Out Dream)

They Follow The Pattern Of

The Wind, Ya' See

Cause They Got No Place

To Be

That's Why I'm Starting With

Me

(Starting With Me!)

I'm Starting With The Man In

The Mirror

(Ooh!)

I'm Asking Him To Change

His Ways

(Ooh!)

And No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

(If You Wanna Make The

World A Better Place)

Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make A Change

(Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make A Change)

I'm Starting With The Man In

The Mirror

(Ooh!)

I'm Asking Him To Change His

Ways

(Change His Ways-Ooh!)

And No Message Could've

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

(If You Wanna Make The

World A Better Place)

Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make That . . .

(Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make That . . .)

Change!

I'm Starting With The Man In

The Mirror,

(Man In The Mirror-Oh

Yeah!)

I'm Asking Him To Change

His Ways

(Better Change!)

No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

(If You Wanna Make The

World A Better Place)

(Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make The Change)

(You Gotta Get It Right, While

You Got The Time)

('Cause When You Close Your

Heart)

You Can't Close Your . . .Your

Mind!

(Then You Close Your . . .

Mind!)

That Man, That Man, That

Man, That Man

With That Man In The Mirror

(Man In The Mirror, Oh Yeah!)

That Man, That Man, That Man

I'm Asking Him To Change

His Ways

(Better Change!)

You Know . . .That Man

No Message Could Have

Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World

A Better Place

(If You Wanna Make The

World A Better Place)

Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make A Change

(Take A Look At Yourself And

Then Make A Change)

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,

Na Nah

(Oh Yeah!)

Gonna Feel Real Good Now!

Yeah Yeah! Yeah Yeah!

Yeah Yeah!

Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,

Na Nah

(Ooooh . . .)

Oh No, No No . . .

I'm Gonna Make A Change

It's Gonna Feel Real Good!

Come On!

(Change . . .)

Just Lift Yourself

You Know

You've Got To Stop It.

Yourself!

(Yeah!-Make That Change!)

I've Got To Make That Change,

Today!

Hoo!

(Man In The Mirror)

You Got To

You Got To Not Let Yourself . . .

Brother . . .

Hoo!

(Yeah!-Make That Change!)

You Know-I've Got To Get

That Man, That Man . . .

(Man In The Mirror)

You've Got To

You've Got To Move! Come

On! Come On!

You Got To . . .

Stand Up! Stand Up!

Stand Up!

(Yeah-Make That Change)

Stand Up And Lift

Yourself, Now!

(Man In The Mirror)

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Aaow!

(Yeah-Make That Change)

Gonna Make That Change . . .

Come On!

(Man In The Mirror)

You Know It!

You Know It!

You Know It!

You Know . . .

(Change . . .)

Make That Change.

The Man in the Hood was dead, and the world was saved.


	50. Chapter 50

p class="MsoNormal"A time portal in LA began to close now that the Hood was defeated. Han stepped thru the portal from the end of time. br / br / "If my calculations are completed, " said Hans, who was carrying Mace on his back, "this portal should take us back to the original fight in space!" br / br / They stepped from the 90s. The good gangster and his hose patted Chewie on the back. br / br / "Yo yo let us com wit u homie!" He threw gang signs. Chewie roared. br / br / They met up with Lando and Susana next to the passed out gays and nurse. br / br / Susana kisses Fireeyes. "I missed you, you crazy animal." br / br / "Why do you taste like my brother?" Asked Fireeyes. br / br / Susana had to make a lie so that he wouldn't think she cheated. "I... had sex with your sister." br / br / Fireeyes shrugged "ok" br / br / They used teh force to carry the three unconshus people to the other place. They saw Laya next to Luke. br / br / "I can't walk!" He cried. br / br / Fireeyes laughed. Vade shook his head and stepped forward. "Luke... I am proud of you, my son. I am apologizing for the evil man I worked for. Lbr / Jar Jar nodded in a gree meant. "I should not have become him." br / br / So they all went back to the fight, where they ended up in the minimum falcon. Largon and Boss Nas S were there. br / br / Boss Nass: It's about time! br / br / All the droids, cowboys, ewoks, indeans, storm and clone troopers, and gun guns cheered because they were back in the right time. They just punched a clock and were not about that fighting life. br / br / Han Solo put Mace down in sick bar. "Hey, buddy... remember to read that Bible okay?" br / br / "OK THANK U HAN." br / br / Han similed and walked to Laya. They stared at each other for a moment. br / br / Mistake looked on at his parents, worried about what would happen. br / br / "Han, I am so sorry for all I've done." Leigh's said. br / br / "I am too." Said Han. "I love you, and our son, and I've done things that I shouldn't. But I'm saved now!" br / br / He shows her his hands and she cheered. "I'm so happy you are saved! Also your hands are back, which means we can have a lot of fun together again. !- [if gte vml 1]v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75"  
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/v:shape![endif]-!- [if !vml]-!-[endif]-" br / br / So Han and Leigh's went to play with Han'd hands. It was holesome. br / br / Mistake sighed in relief. Anikan approached him. "Hey... you're Han and Layla's kid right?" br / br / "Yep! And you're Fireeyes adopted son and also the Vade in the past guess we're cousins." br / br / "Yep!" And they explored the falcon together. br / br / Vade approached Luke in the sick bay. He was in a wheelchair now. "My son... now that my boss is Jar, he has stepped down and made me the boss I own all these planets. Help me by being my vp." br / br / WHAT WILL LUKE SAY?!/p 


	51. Chapter 51 : Hope for the future?

Chapter Fiftyone: Hope for The Future?

Hand Solo took a long sip of his coffee. He smiled into it, "Boy, has my life changed. Hasn't itChew?"

Chewy, who couldn't talk human, said "Wroooo!" but Han knew that meant (It really has. All pof our lives have changed since we defeated The Hood and accepted the Lord)

Landor ate a chicken wing "I heard that chewybaka."

The three friends toasted each other, over, and over again.

There was a news report on the TV "The world is now at piece, since the Dark Lord has been defeated, the war is over. Although space-ship oil prices are up, the univeres is doing fine."

The three friends smiled warmly at each other.

"I can't wait to see lay again." said Han.

Lando sipped, "He mean he can't wait to get laid again!" he slapped his knee.

All three hugged and prayed, "I guess this is where we walk off into the sunset."


	52. The Green WEdding

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update! It has been a busy summer my dad made me sign up for a church basketball team and it's fun to go to parties and hang out with the team but the game is hard and he is hard on me. I just want to go back to school and do theater.

Anyway here is another chapter! Hopefully u like

\Two weelks later there was a big party to celebrate the saving of Time, on the Meluminum Falcon. Because Vade no longer served the enemy, the sides were not different anymore there was no light side, or dark side, or middle side; just friends and family having a banging good time.

Everybody from both armies showed up. Even General Greedo and Bob Fett made it! They boogied their asses

Luke, Han, Leah, Chewie, Lando, Mace, and the three robot dances in a circle. Luke still was in a wheelchair.

"Are you going to talk to Dad and Fireeyes?" Leah asked her bro. "You habve been avoiding them for some time."

Luke looked over to see Fireeyes in a corner and Vade talking to Robert abouthis plans to build another death star. "I am not avoiding them. I've just been healing all week." But leah new threw the force that her brothor was avoiding closure.

Fireeyes stared at the partying fools as he ate party snacks and felt the shape of the gun in his back pocket. "Ignoramouses." He said. "They're either dancing or talking about work."

Susana danced over to her boyfriend. She wore a neon crop top and cut off jeans that showed her but. "Whoo hoo!" She said as she twerked on Fireeyes.

"Not now Susana." He said to her." I am contemplating."

"Aw, come on!" she said. "Don't be a bore."

"I don't know what to do now." He sighed. "My dad has no plans now that the man in the hood is gone. He only has the teritorys of the galaxy that he had before. And I have the gun but nothing to show for it. Plus he's still allied with my lame ass brother Luke."

"Luke's ass isn't lame, it's firm and good to grope." Said Susana.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Mistake and Anakin were underage so they couldn't drink. They sat down and talked to each other.

"Adults are so weird." Said Mistake Soloo. "They fight and fight and fight and talk about each other behind theyre backs but then act like friends."

Kahn approached Mace. "Hey, Mace… Now that this is all over want to. You know?"

"NO I DO NOT I WILL NOT BE DATING FOR A LONG TIME. BUT I AM NOT RAGEFUL ANYMORE SO I AM REJEGTING YOU POLITELY NOW."

Han put a hand on Mace. "That is good."

"THANK YOU FOR BEING MY ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER IN THIS CHRISTIAN WALK." Said Mace ot Hand, his accountability partner.

Han nodded. Chewie roared.

The nice gangster pulled Chewie into a new dance with the ewoks. "Yo yoyo put em up and by that I mean your hands! "

"I can do that again!" said Han. He walked to Leah while waving his hands in the air like a total party boy. ;)

"Hey, Han." She smiled drearily. "I've enjoyed being back in bed together."

"Me too. I missed you while we were apart." He said. "Now that Vade is not teroring the Galaxy anymore, I may take a job with him. He is a good friend after all. Also your dad."

Laeya laughed. "After all the wrong I've done you, you can take whatever path you want. I don't deserve you."

Han shook his head. "I screwed up too. A lot. You know all I've done.. The LORD convicted me of it. But I'm here for you, and for our son, one-hundred-percent."

They hugged nd kissed and Leigha was excited because now that he had his hands back he could use them for special times.

"I'm so glad for Han!" said Landor to Luke. "He is becoming an important emotional supporter for people."

Luke stared. "Yeah" But he was not smiling… He was JEALPUS that Hands got all that atentin. "I'm supposed to be the hero." He thought in his chair that rolled and also turned.

Lando walked to Susana and they danced platonically. Fireeyes didn't care.

"Son." Said Vade. "I will now be the boss, and not work for a penis. The territorys in the galaxy aare mine and I am free to buy and sell them. Will you work for me?"

"I will sleep on it." Said Fireeyes. Vade nodded and talked to Luke. "How about you? What do you think of the offer I made to be VP and take over wehn I retire."

"I havethought about it!" Luke gushed. But he remembered that he couldn't let worledly attatchements get in his way, and also that Vade had done awful things even without working for the Hodd man. "I am a Jedi and Christian first."

"When will you come to your senses, Luke?" Vade sighed.

"Hey!" said Fireeyes. "Why did not you give me VP job?"

"Because you are unpredictabvle and complain on the job. I promote based on merit, kid."

Fireeyes grumbled.

"But Dad," said Lukee, "I am glad you are not working to end time anymore."

"Me too, son."

Largan approached Robert, t e Nurse, and Kahn. "Squikity suielk?" [Hey, sexy crew] he pointed to them. "Squelky." He flexed his muscles and they all three blushed. He had a tight booty in his speedo and tan tan skin. It was clear he was having a four way tonight.

Jar Jar hung on the fringe of the party. Even tho they all knew he was not the same as his dark side he still felt guilt. Raj raj, his bro, danced with some gun guns and battel doids.

"Heysa, Jar Jar." Said Raj Raj.

"Hey brother." He smiled. "I am sorry for stealing your trophy."

"It's fine! It's just a trophy, and it helped save the time." He laughed. "I'msa sorry I'm so awkwadsa."

"It's okay! I am too."

They held hands.

Everybody was content and happy. Time was restored. The sides dissolved.

Then a laser gun busted the room. Everybody turned around. They reached for their weapons, but they didn't bring any because they thought it would be a peaceful party!

The ysaw smoke in the door and a few more lasers that killed storm troopers and cowboys and Indians. The person laughed as he stepped out of the smoke.

One laser hit Raj Raj. "Raj Raj!" said Jar Jar. He helt his brother. Boss Nass's head saw from across the room but could not walk over because he is just a head.

"None of you idiots brought your guns?!" Fireeyes asked. "You ignoramouses!" He pulled out his gun and cocked it. "Come out dick."

The laughing man walked out. He was green, had a muscular upper body but tinyy legs. He had a long chin and a cape. He smiled deviously. "I heard the greatest protectors of this world gathered without their weapons." He laughed. "Bad idea!"

Fireyes aimed his gun.

"No Fireeyes!" said Han. "You can't shoot him, or you will be just like him!"

"And why did you bring a gun to the party?" demanded Luke. "That is a breech of trust, Mister!"

"Shut the fuck up Im saving your asses!"

"Are you saving ours," said Han, "Or dooming yours."

Fireeyes stared forward ot the Green Man, then looked into Han's Christian eyes. Maybe if he humbled himsaelf like Han, he too could finally find peace. He lowered the gun.

Everyone in the room clapped.

Then Han fell.

The green man in the cloak laughed. "Shouldn't have listened to your friend, you child!" He continued to fire and everyone ducked and covered. General Greedo got his arms shot off. Many clone troopers and stuff died.

Some tried to find the exit but it was sealed shut. The only way out was thru the hole in the wall, and the man blocked that.

Leigha, Luke, Vade, Chewiw, Lando and Mace ran beside Fireeyes and over Han's body.

There was a huge hole through his head that continued to grow as his flesh rotted.

Mistake saw from a distance. "Dad!"

The group cried. "Just when things was going good." Lando hung his head. Leigha hugged him and sobbed.

Fireeyes clenched his fist and picked up the gun.

The man ran further in, fireing every which way and cackling. "You can take the exit, but I'll still have most of you pussies dead! BUZZ! DELET!"

Two tiny robots, one was a circle and the other was thin, walked in with their own guns. They were sobbing.

"Help me kill these people so we can take over space, you DUNCEBUCKETS!"

"Please don't make us do this." Sobbed Deletee. "Please, father!"

He turned to them and his smile faded. It was a scowl. He reached over to slap them both. "You will do as I say!"

They both cried as they killed myriad people.  
Fireeyes aimed it and pulled the trigger. He would either kill this awful man, or save his abused sons from their offul lives.

Buzz of them killed the nice gangster. "I am sorry." He cried.

The nice gangster took him by the face. "You are better than you think." And died. The strippers cried.

The man stepped out of the way and Fireeyes shot somebody…

… Lando!

"No!"

Susana ran over and held onto Lando. "How could you?!"

Fireeyes stammered. "I… I'm sorry! He tricked me!"

"This is why you don't use guns!" screamed Luke. "They go out of control when YOU can't CONTROL YOURSELF!"

"I'm thje only sane one here!" he looked to Vade. "Even you didn't bring a eweapon.

Vade was silent.

Luke stood up and walked to Fireyes. They all gasped.

"Yes I faked my inury, or the severity of it! So wha? Nothing is real anyway." He grabbed Fireeyes collar. "You are the true ignoramous!"

"That's it!" Fireeyes droped his gun and he and Luke fought.

The green man looked on and clapped. "Oooh, so delicious! I think I have killed enough… I will let this family destroy itself from the inside! For a house divided cannot stand. Come, duncebuckets… Let us away to to the edges of the galaxy and plot our plan!"

The sobbing robots followed their father. He slapped them again and they cried harder.

Vade force pushed his sons apart. "Stop being shit!"

"No, Dad!" Fireeyes screamed. "It's not my fault that I got distracted, or that maybe my aim is not so good sometimes! I have talents you can only dream of having!"

Luke looked over and saw Jar Jar cradling Raj Raj. He knew from their conversations that the two did not always get along 24/7 but they were always there for each other. Raj Raj was dying but he smiled because he got to spend his last moments with his brother. His dad's head was also there at this point. Luke cried because he wondered, "What if I had been killed? Fireeyes would not even look to me."


	53. Empty Chars at Empt Tables

Later the room was cleared out. Some people went back home, others stayed in other rooms on the shi[p. They prepared the bodies for all those lost and had a funeral Vade tried to track down that evil, evil man, but he had vanished. "He thinks he is bad, but I am worse. And I will desttoy him."

Luke walked into the room and saw the tables and chairs knocked over and the blood and guts and dead bodies. He remembered Han and Lando and Raj Raj and the good gamgster and alll the others who bravely gave their lives when the door was locked. How could he deal with this? what could he say?

He imagined them lauing andsmiling around the table and Hand joking around with him. But all he could do whas imagine. He sang.

"There's a grief that can't be spoken.

There's a pain goes on and on.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Now my friends are dead and gone.

Here they talked of revolution.  
Here it was they lit the flame.  
Here they sang about tomorrow  
And tomorrow never came.

From the table in the corner  
They could see a world reborn  
And they rose with voices ringing  
And I can hear them now!  
The very words that they had sung  
Became their last communion  
On this lonely barricade at dawn.

Oh my friends, my friends forgive me  
That I live and you are gone.  
There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.

Phantom faces at the windows.  
Phantom shadows on the floor.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will meet no more.

Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me  
What your sacrifice was for  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will sing no mor"

Luke cried.


	54. Vade is the Bigass Man?

**Chatper 54: Vade is the Bigass Man?**

Only one thing matters now" barked Vader, "We must track down and kil that man. He aposes a threat to all of us, me, my sons, the Empire, everyithing we've built."

He took a long drag through his vent, of a cigar. The poison fumesfilled his helmet. Seeded lunge cancer (Don't, smoke kids :0)

He spoke at himself in a mirror, then he stepped out onto the top floor of his sky scarpper, which he had built on top of the death star.

"Robert!" he said, to Robert, the gay stormtrooper, "I want those reports on my desk by Monday."

Robert closed a program on his computer that downloaded gay pornography adn said "yes"

"Nurse! Call the galactic federation." he said to the nurse, who was in a pantsuit that fit all of her curves.

"My name isn't nurse but okay" said the Nurse.

"Kahn! Find me a planet rich in resources!"

kAHN crossed his arms "HA! Noone tells me what to do."

"If you do this . . ." he blew smoke in Kahn's face, giving him a small percentage of lung cancer, "I will gave you Maces phone number."

Kahn pouted but then he went and did it.

"We are going to built a corperation and then buy and army to kill the man who shot at us. It begins now!"

"What is weesa selling?" asked the head of Boss Nass, because he he worked for Vade now. He was mad with grief over Raj Raj and he needed a job, since for most jobs you need a body (Lol)

"Oil!" said Vade, pouring a cup of dark coffee through his hot vent.


	55. Strand By Me

**Chapter 55: Standby Me**

Although many of the people were very sad over the recent killings, no one was as sad as Chewy, he flew around in the Millenium Falcon, sobbing into his fur, going "Wrooooo"

He had lost all of his best friends, Landor, the good Gangster, and most importantly the most beloved figure of his life, Hand Swollo, such a good man.

Wrooooooo

Wrooooooooooooooooooooooooo

WrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo

While he was flying around sad, in his loud trantrum, he accidentally hit a button that sebnt him back through time.

He crashed his ship into the fine and firm bushes, and when he looked up he saw a knight wearing black.

"Foresoth! Tis a foul fiend! Slay it!" said the knight, drawing a huuuuuge sword, slashing the cock pit open.

Chewie had had enough, he was very very deeply pissed, so he came and bashed this up start with his claws, sending him flying to the ground. The knight's helmet came flying off, and Chewie could only marvel at what he saw.

It was Han, as a young boy.

This was the Han that the White Witch had given birth to, Han as a child. Chewie cried as he embraced his new young friend, and he decided to stay in Narnia and raise him so that he would grow up to be just like the Han he loved.

He took the boy by the hand and went off.

(NOTE: Chewie will be off doing this for a while. Don't FUCKING ask about what Chewie is doing! There are a lot of plots that will be happening at the same time, so I thought it would be better for Chewiw to go off with Han for a while. Don't worry, he'll be back later ? 3)


	56. The Middle Eastern Planets with Oil

**Chatper 56**

Many of the ones from the Tim Battle went home, but some stayed so they could work for Vade. This included the cowboys and Indians and ewoks because they can't time travel back. He sent them to orientalitation.

Laya held Mistake close as she prepped her ship to go back to Gungans. "Lke, are yo sre you won't come with us?" She asked her brother.

Luke sighed. "I'm not sre of anything anymore."

Mace hopped in. "WELL I KNOW THAT I'M NOT STAYING AROUND THESE WARLIKE MONSTERS ANYMORE." Jar Jar followed him, ready to start a quiet simple life and maybe get his wife and kids back?

"I might join you." Said Lke. "I might go back to Tatooing. I don't know."

Laya nodded. She knew Luke needed to speak to Vade and Fireeyes.

The GunGan ship left with Laya, gunguns, Mistake, Mace, Jar, and Bob Fett. Unknown to anyone but Laya, she also snuck Anikan on because Fireeyes believed he would be safer on Gungan. Luke watched and cried.

The droids approached him. Threepee was thrusting it to the black robot. "Don't worry Mustard Luke!" he said between each one. "You still have us!

"Yeah!" Deetoo.

Meanwhile, in Fireeye's room, he did it to Susana.

"You're so good!" he yelled to her.

"Thanks."

"So, I've thought it over…" He said. "I might work for my dad? He needs people to go out and do chaotic things. He already hired General Greed, maybe me too?"

"Yeah sounts hot!" she smiled.

Meanwhile in space, the stormtroops started drilling while Dark Vader's theme music played. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh.

A man in a Turbune ran out of his hut. "Hey! TWhat's the big ideal? He said in a forin languge.

"We have orders from Mr. Vade to drain oil from this desert!" said the Trooper.

"The hell you don't!" He argued. The Trooper shot him.

"Hahaha you dead man!" The other troopers didn't think that was cool but they kept drilling bevause they didn't want trouble.

A young boy watched from the hut. "No daddy!"

There was once a native of this planet. He joined the Sith because of all the bad things others did to his people! In the name of oil! So he fought Qui Jon but got cut in half. Now the two halfs had their own personalities, but the same story.

Dark Mall was pissed at the AmericVade Corperashun. Both halfs – one with robot legs and a human body, and one with robot body and humen lefs – hopped into their ship with their driver and military leader, Admiral Allah Ackbar, named after his god.

"Admiral, we have to go terrorize!"

"It's a trap!" said the Admiral in agreement. And they zoomed out.

Aarthor's note: I am talking about real issues that affect the world to make my voise nown, and that might ruffle some jimmys. I don't care WHAT you think or if u boy kott it! Whats happen in the Middle east must be known to the people and I as a writer will do so! SUCK IT

Chapter 57


	57. MALL

Chapter 57: MALL

After crying for hours luke finally came to a descisomn "I will work with my old man"

After hours of punching the wall and listening to hard rock music Fireeyes came to a descision "I will work for my stupid fucking dad."

Mall and Akbar attacked an AmericVade camp in the middle of the night, Mall chopped up the men, and Akbar used robot bombs with legs on them so that they could suicide bomb without any humans or aliens dying. "You will have seven hundrredh robot virgins in heaven!" shouted malls bottom half.

"Please! Don't kill us" begd a man in a suit with a mustache.

Mall's upper half, it's demonic face controted, mocked him "You started this, not us, this is the justice you deserve, the justice of my people, go now to your christian hell"

"That's fair" said the man and died.

After Mall and Akbar had slaughtered everyone but the woman and children who they took hostage, they had some laughs and went and drank wine together, taking selphies.

"It's late" said both of Mall's halfs at once "My woman is waiting for me."

"It's a trap?" asked Akbar (Which one?)

Mall said "Both."

They both laughed, and Mall went back to his two houses, which stood next to each other. In his bottom half's house there was a nice woman who talked to his bottom about feelings, because his bottom half was DEMISEXUal*1.

In his top half;s house there was a smart woman who talked to him about science and about strategies for killing all of his enemies. His top half was SAPIOSEXUAL*2.

Mall got lucky four times that night, multiply that by two and it's eight.

Meanwhile, a thiusand people had died, their blood filled the sands of Tatooing.

*1 If you don't know what this means look it up you ignorant twig

*2 refer to note above


	58. THREE IS NOT COMPANY

Chapter 58: Three Isn't Company

(My English Teacher, MIster WALKER, thinks I am wasiting my time, with you, my story. He says only essays get you into college. He said a good writing project takes commitment and that I wasn't commited. I told him "Fine! I'll write a hundred chapters! Then You'll have to give me an A in English!)

Vade was wearing a suit now. Over his space suit. RIDICULOUS.

"I'm interviewing my son for a job." he said to a Greedo who wasn't General Greed but was cloned from a different timeline to work at AmericVade.

'Witch one?' said Cloned Greedo.

"Ha!" Vader laughed heartily to himeslef. It warmed them all inside.

The two doors to his office opened, and TWO GUYS WHO LOOKED MOSTLY THE SAME came out.

The black one came through the door on the left

The WHITE one came through the door on the right.

"They looked at each othyer and said" HIM!

"It's bothy of the sons!" said Vade proudly.

He may/ or may not/ have been up all night about his sons working at him in a business. Meanwhile, Leaih was in a closet somewhere pealing potatos.

"What makes you qualified for this job?" asked Vade, wearing a monicle.

"I'm very kind." said Luke.

"I am merciless." said FireEYES.

WHAT are Your WEaknesses? Asked Vader,.

"I'M too KIND!" said look.

"I"M not MERCILESS ENOUGH." said Fireeyes stomPING.

What KIND OF WORK expERIEMCE do YoU HAVE? Asked Darth Vade.

"I started a WHOLE FOODS on TATOOING." said Luke/.

"I have no work experinec." admitted Fireeyes.

"OKAY! YOU ARE BOTH HIRED!" he shouted proudly. THeY BOth LOOKED AT EACH OTHER GLARRING MADDLY. TheY BOTH FELT THERE LIGHTSABBERS.

(NOTE: SORRY, MY CapSLOCK GOT STUCK I THINK I NEED A NEW COMPUTER)

~Travis-Yourboy


	59. AtacK ATACCK

"BuzZ ZIRP ZIRP?" LaRGAN ASKED

"We are WORKING TO STOP THoES WHO HAVE DESTROYED VADES OFFICES" said General Greedo. HE NOW HAD A BAZOOK BUILT INTO HIS BRAIN.

"Yeah! Hahahaha!" said Booba FETT. The three of them were a badASS bountry booty gang.

THE Terrorists had illed Vade's people and taken the land so these two went to gET IT BACK

"HEY WANT ARE YOU" THE TERRORIST SAID BUT IT WAS TOO LATE HE WAS SHOT. MALL WALKED OUT OF THEIR TENTS AND LEFT WIFES INSIDE. ALSO ACKBAR CAME.

"WHAT IN THE HOLY LAND IS GOIN ON?" HE SWORE.

"WE'RE HERE TO BAZOOKA YOUUU!"

MALL'S TWO SIDES BOTH HAD ONE SIDE OF THE RED SABER. TEY JOINT THEM AND ATTACKED THE BOUNTY HUNDERS AND DEFLECT BLASTS. ACKBAR USED BOMBS BUT NOT STRAPPED TO HIS CHEST JUST TO THROW

"UGH THIS IS TOO HARD!" SAID BO "I WILL JOIN MALL'S SIDE BECAUSE THEY'RE WINING."

"SHIT" SAID GREEDO. HIM AND LARGAN STOLE BOB'S JETPACK AND FLEW AWAY. THE BOMBS DID NOT HIT THEM.

MEANWHILE ON GUNGAN SHIP

"I don't know if we should support granddaddy's company mommy." Said little MISTAKE.

WHYY NOT?" ASKED LAYA.

"HE FORced the ones who owned the land away to drill for oil" said mistakE." NOT COOL?"

"TRUE." Said Laya. THEY PONDERED. MAYBe naboo would go oil free?

A ship BLASTED THEM! IT WAS ACKBAR!

"It's a trap!" he CAME.

oNLY one of the Mall's went wit, the upper half. "Your dad sent bounty hunters to kill us! bUT NOW one is on my side and we will kidnap u!"

"Wait I AM NOT INVOLVED WITH DAD!" SAID LAYa.

"All infitels look the same!" they shot some more.

"MAN I AM TIRED OF THIS." MACE JUMPED OUT AND USED THE FORCE TO BLAST MALL'S SHIP in the otherDIR ection, but not lethally cuz he doesn't revence anymore.

"Thank you Mace." THEY ALL SAID.

MEANWHILE AT AMERICvade

"I can't believe we have to shatre an office!" Fireeyes folded arms. He LOOKEd out the window at all the protestors on the base of the deth strA. tHEY were free and had trust funds

"Look on the bright sIDE bro!" Luke smiled. "WE HAVE A JOB!"

"Grr. I liked my OLD JOB! When I got to fight and try to steal shit and use the Gun."

"NO GUNS!" Cried loKe. You haven't learned your lesson1?

"PSSS!" FIREEyes scoffed. "And dad keeps giving you praise and tellin me to WORK HARDER. WHAT IF THIS IS WHAT HARD WORK LOOKS LIKE FOR ME HARD WORK LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR THE DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND WHAT THEY CAN HANDLE IN THIS LIFE!" His scream and his dark voice filed the air and it both terrorized and turned on every woman in the office who did hear it. And some dudes

"Oh!" they gasped. But fireeyes did not care. Luke was jealous that women did not LUST HIM Like that.


	60. Dark Mall Attacks Americvade!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am sorry guys! I got very busy with school and I was in a play call The Glass Margery. I played a man name Jim anyway my dad took me and my bro to see the new STAR WARS and holy SHIT it was good! I didn't think the new ones would ever be as good as like attack of the clones but it made me scream out loud in the theater.

So I am very inspired but won't do any spoils. Here is the next part of the story.

It was a few months later. It was the office Christmas party at AmericVade.

The workers were all happy and sang Christmas carold, except Fireeyes. He drank the spiked eggnog in the corner and scoffed at how they were all ignoramuses.

"Come on, Fireeyes! Learn to love theholiday!" Luke said. The three robots sat at his desk. R2 used his computer brain to chat with other droids on DroidBook, including R4 and BB8 who faxed him coins.

"Yeah, come and deck MY halls!" Kahn said suggestively. Boss Nass laughed nd ate the buffet but it came right out because he is just a head.

Mr. Vade walked in in red suspenders and a light up Christmas tie. "Our sells are down because Santa is giving everyone free coal instead of our oil!" They all laughed at this joke. Except Fireeyes. "But seriously the sells are all right." He stared out into space thru a window and fisted the aire. "And soon I will have all the money in the galaxy so I can find the green man and force choke his ass!"

"Guys," Luke asked his coworkers, Robert, Kahn, Fireeyes, Jennifer, Boss Nass, Greedo, General Greedo and Largan (they were on break from fighting the terrorists), the ewoks and cowboys and Indians and stormtroopers, droids, and Finn whowas the office intern. "Do you know what Christmas is really about?"

"Santa?" Fin asked with wide eyes. Luke chuckled.

"No it's about thebirth of Jesus!" He had Rto play a hologram of the Nativity and Threepio narrate and the black robot did funny sound affects like a Sunday school teacher.

Fireeyes scoffed. "Baloney!"

"Han said the same thing." Luke told him, "but he learned how important Jesus is!"

Fireeyes felt bad. If there wasa God why didn't he save Han?

"One time when I was in stormtrooper triaining I liked a girl," Fin said, "And I gave her a teddy bear that my mom gave me before I was kidnapped. She threw it away because it didn't come from the mall." Finn hung his head. Luke lifted it up.

"A gift from the heart is what Jesus would want."

"Who is Jesus?" Kahn asked. Luke smiled because he got to share the God, and people were respecting his authority on all things had power.

"Do you believe in that God stuff?" Fireeyes asked his dad. Mr. Vade shrugged.

"I am agnostic." *

They got a video call from the Malls and Ackbar. "Hello, INFIDELS! Celebrating your blastfoamus holiday I see?" Mall said. Bob Fettwas flexing in the background.

"It is Christmas, not blasphemy!" Luke yelled.

"What do you shits want?" Mr. Vade snarled. "I am trying to run a business."

"It's a trap!" Ackbar said smugly.

Just then, because all the guards were busy having fun at the Christmas party, a bunch of the species Ackbar is run in with lightsavers and fight.

"Shit!" Fireeyes yelled. "Dad, you can't keep throwing parties! That's when the enemies always attack!"

Vade sighed and force choked all the fishmen. "Help me, sons!"

The two sons joined in force choking. They held them in place while the stormtroopers shot.

"Dangit!" Mall yelled. The other mall agreed. "You will not find us, though! We are in a remote location and just sent Ackbar's brothers there!"

"It's a trap." Ackbar said. He cried but he knew it was important sacrifice.

"I really don't give a shit about you guys." Vade said. "You have no funding from the galactic government OR from my business."

"Dad," Luke said, "They may gain power through fear! We must take them out, or convert then to Jesus!" He turned to the camera. "Have you heard about the true meaning of Christmas.

"Goodbye." Mall said and he turned off the video call.

Fireeyes chuckled because lUke lost his power.

Susana walked in wearing a sexy santa outfit complete with cap and more eggnog. "What'd I miss?" They all laughed.

"Intern." Mr. Vade said to Finn and handed him a broom. He gestated to the dead fish men. "Sweep up this shit please."

Finn saluted. "Aye-aye, sir!"

Meanwhile on Naboo…

Leigha was living in the palace because she was the Queen. She had ordered a no oil rule bc she did not support her fathers organization or the terrorists either. She just wanted to lay low to keep hope alive. She bought gifts for her son Mistake and for Anikan, who was staying with her atm.

"Wow thank you mom!"Mistake hugged her. His human makeup was offsohe looked like gungun.

"Yes thank you future daughter!" Anikan smiled. "Will we go help in the war on spaceterror."

"No sweetie."Laya said. She looked out the door and a tear ran down her sheek. She saw visions of her father mining planets and taking their resources but then of the terrorists attacking innocents. She did not know who the real terrorists were.

Then she remembered Han and his warm embrace and his wit and abilities and how good he was at sex. Especially when he had hands.

"I thought after we beat the Empire things would be norman" she said. "Then I thought if we beat Fireeyes and Vade. Then I thought if we beat the Man in the Hood. But I guess that…

LEAH

Into space you go again,

You think at last ur through and then

ANIKAN and MISTAKE

Into space is always when you take another journey.

Cut to Mall

MALLS

Here in Space!

We'll finally earn our place!

With seventy two vigins !

ACKBAR

It's a trap!

Cut to AmericVade

LUKE

I

Authour's Note: I have to go and will forget to publish if I don't post now but maybe YOU can write your own lyrics in the comments! I based part of this song off of Into the Woods, which is a play about fairytales but they cuss sometimes.

*If you don't know what a agnostic is LOOK IT UP I CAN'T JUST EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO YOU YOU TWITS


	61. Holiday Hob Nob

**Chapter 61: Holiday Hob Nob**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrotre this chap shortly aqfter the holidays, but forgot my password so I couldn't post til now! It is sort of a New Year story but with Santa and If you don't like it I don't care, okay?!

I kind of want to get the catchphrases my characters use in the story on tea shits, but ONLY if you guys will buy them! (Making some money ;) ) I'll get one that has a Vade head but not so much it'll cause copyright and capshun with "These Are Shit" which is what Vade says a lot, and onme tat says "I AM CHOAS." When ur friends ask where it's from you can say "Duh! The War in our Stars! Where've you been, Mars?" Aand maybe that can be on a shirt too if you want?

I will reply to some of the revewis: I am SORRY that I don't spell the best all the time, okay! But I have ADHD! And I try to spell but get excited sometimes. And thank you for all the reviews, especi from my fan club on Discords. Y'all are good and right in my eyes. And thank you even to the critical ppl because it frustrates me but critiques help us all write better and I'll try to spell better like u said just please me patent all you sexy ass people. ;)

Twas the night before new years and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even DARTH VADER.

The baks were hung on his desk with care, in hopes that OIL MONEY soon would be there.

The Skywalker children were nesstled all snug in there bed while visions of Sussasna's sweet ASS danced in BOTH there heads.

And robert in his helmet and Kanh in his hat had just finished having gay sex and were taking a nap.

When out in the hall there arose such a clatter vade ran out with his lightsbaer to see what was the matter.

He ran to the windows, his lightasber flashed. He threw open the metal door and advaced with a slaaaash!

The moon on the surface of the tatoene sand gave a look to the sand that was very much grand.

When what to his wondering eyes should apeare, but a little red man and eight robotic reindeer?

With a little old driver so FAT and so slick. He knew in a moment it must be Santa Claus.

More rappid than hyperdrive his robotic reindeer came, and he whistled for them and screamed out there name. "NOW DASHER NOW DANCER NOW PRAMSER AND VIXION ON COMMET ON CUPID ON DONNER AND BLITZEN! TO THE TOP OF THE BUILDING, WHERE THERE ARE NO SHIELDS! DASH AWAY REINDEER AND DO NOT YIELD."

As dry leaves that before the hurricane fly, when they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, so up to the housetop the coursers they flew, with a sleigh full of toys, and Saint Santa Claus too!

And then on the ceiling he heard the robottic reindeer land. High up above the sand.

As Vade turned his head slowly, Santa Clasu was suddently behind him! (I should have sensed that with the force!?)

He was dressed on in fur from a bantha he skinned. He looked at vade and gaily grinned (not homosexual. Happy)

He had a pipe held in his teeth and he smoked it while he smiled gaily at vade.

He had a FAT face and he was FAT, and he shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jello.

He was very gay and jolly, a jolly gay elf, and Vade laughed through his vet, depsite himself. A wink of his eyes and a twist of his head soon gave vade to know he was not here to steal oil money.

He sprang to his sled, to his team gave a whistle and Vade fainted from confusion in the middle of the hall.

But he heard him excalim as he drove out of site "Happy New Years Vade! Santa Claus is REAL!"

The next day, all of the employees of AmericVade found a strange package in the mailbox.

COAL.

(Arthur's Note: This is cannon. Santa Cluase exists in this universe. The one part that isn't cannon is Robert and Kahn having sex. They are both gay but don't like each other that way)

Happy Holidays, Hombre ;)


	62. The Home Front

Chapter 60 two : The Home Front

Laya satin her throne room eating lunch. "I am a woman and I am in power and that is Okay because I have a political degree from college." She got a video call from her father's office. It was… Luke?!

"Laya, why didn't you order oil last week?" he asked.

"Becaquse, luke, I don't approve of our father's business practices and don't want to support him! I love him but no. And even if I did, Darth Mall's forces arew attacking every planet that deals with Vader's company! Bob Fett popoisoned all of the moon of Endor's water and the ewoks who aren't with me or at the company are going extinct! I must protext my planet and my son and my father as a kid who Fireeyes kind of raised as a son?"

Speking of Fireeyes, he appeard on the other screen on the video chat. "Laya, stop being such a bitch." He sighed. "If you give into the terrorists' demands they win! Stand up to them u cuck!"

"Fireyes stope it!" Luke yelled. "You won't bring her by our side by being mean."

"No," Laya sighed, "He actuall makes a good point. If I give into a small demand from Mall today, he'll keep creating more demands iuntil I submit to his will completely and he'll run the whole planey, not just the oil." She pondered more. "HOWEVER, while I would stand up to an evil man over something I beliee in, I do think Daddy is being unfair to the people who live on the oil plantets. I can't help you, I'm srry." They all cried, even Fireeyes but he claimed he was chopping onions.

"Well we got nothing." Luke told his bro later while Finn brought them both martinis but Luke's had no alchohol. "Our prophets are dropping as more and more of the planets we sell oil to either get destroyed or to afraid to buy from us."

Fireeyes dowened his marrt and threw his glass on the ground. "If we could just reach the outer rem of the galaxy, we could sell there! The terrorists don't have the funds or the balls to go there and back reguraly. We just need a new flow of money."

"Like an investor?" Luke asked.

"No," Fireeyes said, "That's lame and gay (AN: Fireeyes is becoming a better person but sometimes uses gay as an insult still, and I KNOW THAT'S BAD but he's changing graduall okay?) and too many regulations. We need to underground this shit." He looked at the intern. "FIN! ANOTHER MARTIINI!"

"Yes sir!"

The two went to their father in his office and said, "We need to borrow money from the Hott."

Mr. Vade spat out his coffee right onto Boss Nass's head. "What?! That man is a lowly criminal, not an honest businessman."

"But dad," Luke said, "rEMEMBER when we got coal? I don't think our company's so good either."

"Yes, Luke, but we at least follow regulations and allow our employees to live their personal life. Unlike my last boss; the gays had to sneak it past him, here I don't care if they do gay stuff so long as the work gets done. Java the Hott just spreads CHAOS!"

Fireeyes grinned ear to ear.

They went ot his palace.

"Why should I help you guys!?" Java laughed. "Luke and his friends used to ruin my criminal plans, and Vade and Fireeyes stole my droids! I outta skin y'all!"

"But wait," Luke said, "Jesus would want you to show-"

Mr. Vade stepped in front, his suit glistening. "What my son means is… You would get back ten times as much as you invest. And I'm an honest man who killed the man in the hood so you can trust me."

"Hmm… So I'm a share holder in your company?"

"Yes!"

Java gave them ten million space dollars and they bought enough fuel to go to the edge of the galaxy with their nearly drilled oil.

"Ugh, this oil is like thirty percent the tears of the workers." Fireeyes sighed. He got a call from Susana. "Hey babe."

"Did you take my idea to go underground for transport money?" She asked seductively while wearing sexy

"Yes, dear. You are a woman and you have good ideas."

She said "Yes" and they had phone sex.

AN: My Dad helps people with investment and he helpd me write this chapter. He did NOT read the final product but he will once this thing is done! I learned a lot about money and also the danger of greed, like with how Vade's greed causes harm to the oil planets but Mall's response to that also hurt innocent people. Sometimes things are COMPLICATED, not like fairty tales. Anyway have fun reading this! chow .


	63. There is no Bad Guy

Chapter Sixtytwo: There is no Bad Guy

(This one may contain last jedi spoilers. Bewrae)

Many people have been asking me who the bad guy is in this arc of the story. They all want me to bring back the Man in the Hood, but he's dead! I don't bring back bad characters thats bad writing. This arc is supposed to be aboyt moral complexity. There isn't a big bad. This is more political, less like saturday morning kiddy cartoos. Strap in, me bucko!

Part 1:

Mall looked in his crystal ball. While the legs of him chased down another family of workers and shot them to death. Mall's head laughed.

"Ha HA! All this MURDER is making me HORNY even though I'm actually Sapiosexual*."

Akbar said "Its a trap" because he got that it was a joke since Mall had horns on his head.

A statue of the dark god Allah stood behind them in their lair, its eyes glowing ruby red with blood lust.

Part 2:

"You can't have off for Valentine's day, Finn." Sade Vade, sipping his D-caff coffee (he was strssed out ever since he was judged by Santa Clause"

"But man?"

"You shouldnt even be talking to me. The Head of Boss Nass is your direct supervisor."

(It shows Boss Nass's Head sitting at a desk with a name plate that says "The Head of Boss Nass")

"I wanted to go over his head." said Finn, and he waited for a laugh track because of his joke, but this isn't that kind of episode.

"Why do you even need off, boy?"

"I've gotta take Rey out for Valentimes."

"I thought you were with that chick rose."

"Oh her? She was shit in bed."

"ah"

They talked for a long time but nobody said anoything else interesting. Nobody got off.

PART III:

Mall said "Prepare for our ALL OUT attack on Americvade! Gather the troops!"

Akbra came and some did more of his species (Octopus?) as did a number of robots built to serve Allah, all of them spoke Afghanistan and not english. They had ninja masks and their ands were big thick swords like in Aladin.

"My commander! Clark!"

A guy in a robe with a knife for a hand came out, "You're command sir?"

"You are the man commandinf my robot army." said Mall.

Clark said "I'm not a man. I'm actually transgender."

Mall said "Then woman."

And it was a little bit awkward. Mall felt bad.

TO BE CONTINUED


	64. Valentines Day Special

Chapter 64: Valentine's Day Special

Laya ruled her planet and did good in the eyes of the LORD. She tore down all the false idols and sacrificed to the living GOD.

… But without Vade's oil, the cars all stopped working!

"Aunt/Daughter we have to!" said Anakin

"No"

Than Mistake Solo had an idea. He would create a new way to powe the cars but he could hear voices in his head saying" that is ridiculous son. Oil is perfectly good; carbon diaoxide is not a poisen" he didn't understand but he wanted ppl to think he did.

He dug in the backyard and found a new type of source called Narnium! He tested it to power his toaster. "Yes."

All the gun guns followed his lead and mined Naboo for this source. One of them was familler and looked happy like he had is kids back. They piled it up in the center of the city.

But then spaceships came! A bunc h of droids and octopuses and Clark came out of them. They seized the Narnium. "We'll take that bitches!" Clark said (BITCHES is what LGBT call each other so Clark is no swearing)

"Hey!" Laya said. She pulled out her blaster. "Give it back or I'll shoot!"

"With this fuel, the Malls can send us out everywhere and all infitels will die!" Clark laughed. Then she ate one of the fuel sources. "Mmmm and it's edible too!"

"NOT WITH OUT A FIGHT!" Mace Window came out his Jedi hut and lightsabered the baddies. Laya shot some too. "I FIGHT IN SELF DEFENSE!" He fought them for forty days and forty nights. Then he and Clark dueled with swords. Mistake stole the bad guys ship and killed the octopouses inside but couldn't fly it.

"Need a PILOT?" Anikan said. Yes

They took the ship away but it turned out Clark had a teleporter and teleported half the fuel away to Mall's base.

"WELL AT LEAST YOU HAVE HALF" Mace said. Then Largan and General Greedo came as well.

"Buzz?" (Give us the fuel tax you )

"What fuel tax?" Laya asked.

"Vade says every planet in the system must give him fuel and this looks like it." Greed said. So they took the other half and said "Chow" but Largan buzzed because that is his language.

Leigha saww all the starving children and cars and realized she had no choice but to go to war with Dad.

MEANWHILE LUKe and Fireeyes trip to the outer rim was going swimmingly.

"Boy I miss Sus." Said Luke.

"YOU WHAT!"

"Um nothing." Luke said but lied. R2d was in the cock pit and beeped boop and Threepeeo and his black lover ate robot food.

"Hey!" Threepio said "Mustard Luke, what if instead of drilling planets, be and him just bang it out again and create oil?"

"No because robot oil turns into robots so it would be like a bortion!" (NOTE: I know this is not true but it is Science FICTION)

Fluke and Fireeyes still didn't like each other. They were shot!

"What the jumping lizards!?" Luke yelled.

"It's a trap!" Aackbar shot at them.

"How did he catch up to us?" Luke said.

"I don't care how," Fireeyes said," All I know is he's about to be FRIED OTOPUSSY!" He hi fived the black for that one. Then he drove directly to Ackbar.

"No!" Luke said. "{You'll kill us!" He tried to take the wheel but they fought and the ship swerved. Ackbar couldn't get a good shot at them!

"It's a… trap?" He was confused.

"Mustard Luke, please!" 3p saod. "We gotta get out of here if we want to live to see true puritee!"

R2 control of the ship! What will he do?! R2 backed into Ackbar and sent him flying.

"IT'S A TRAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!" The fish man flew thousands of light years back to…

THE DEATH STAR

"-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" hE Landed. Ouch!

The Malls, Clarke, Bobba Fett, and Army stood before the Vade on the serfice of the star. "Negshiate your terms u greedy tyrant!"

"My terms?" Mr. Vade sipped his coffee which was now out of a cup that looked like Vade's head. "My terms are that I want money so that I can find and kill the man who terrorized my family."

"Your men terrorized your family!" Laya showed up with Mace and a army. ""They stole our stuff!"

"Good so you fight iwht us?" Mall's legs said.

"No you guys did the same thing!" She ejaculated. "I will fight you all if u don't leave Naboo alone!"

Then Finn, Largan, General Greedo, and everyone in Americvade came out. "Looks like we have ourselfs a three way." Susana said sujestively.

"I don't want to fight," Mr. Vade said," But I will if I must." He spat out his coffee. "FINN! This is shit!"

"You really think I give a fuck?" Finn folded his arms and then put his fist in the air

They prepared to fight.

Anikan and Mistake hurried to the Death Star, to help her mom retreat if needed. Aand Luke and Fireeyes were making deals with the outer rim, naware this all happened.


	65. Let's Get It Started

Chapter 64: THE FINAL BATTLE ! (?)

"Let's Get It Started"

1.

Luke and Fireeyes flew to the edge of the universe. They argued a lot over whtether you leave the toilet seat up.

Fireeyes: You put it down ya chump.

Luke: No you put it up.

Fireeyes: No that's women are you a woman.

Luke: THAT'S TRANSFORBIC Luke began to cry

Threepio and Black Robot banged it out in teh cockpit (Wink) and they invited 2D but he wasn;t interested (I beleive in waiting till marraige) he said.

Just when they thought they were going to get to the edge of the universe with the oil . . . they found . . . a planet populated by green ewoks.

Fireeyes: What's this about?

You see a great, sylvan plant. There are beautiful trees everywhere. The gree ewoks are working hard, like slaves, but not for oil. They are collecting rocks in a coal mine, throwing away gold when they find it. The king of the ewoks looks at you as he sends his daughter, Belinda, into the mines. To die. All are gathering rocks to build one great ediface. A huge statue, of a face. The face is green, and it has a huge chin. It looks like someone we've seen before . . .

The green man who killed Han.

The ewoks suffer to build his face.

Fireeyes: That's some bullshit right there.

2.

Meamwhile: On the surface of the deathstar.

Vade, who was about to duke it out with Mall, saw his daughter arrive in her ship. Her eyes shined. And vade, for the first time, thought of his daugher, how strong and beautiful she was, and he thought of the lord.

Darth Vader, Father and Master of the dark side of the force, repented.

"Lower your weapons." he said to all of his men, and they did.

"What fresh nonsense is this." said Mall, and also his other half.

"I have hurt people, I did it because I was afraid." said vader, trying not to cry, but crying, and the tears made electric buzzes in his eyes.

"SO what!" said Mall, "My God will still curbstomp your ass." and his crotch and legs agreed.

"Not so fast!" said a voice.

They all looked over and saw Ray, there was a golden lifesaver in her mouth.

"Hey look," said Finn, grinning from ear to ear "Its my girlfriend."

AUTHORS NOTE: Ray in star wars in really powerful. I think she's too powerful. She can fly the milenium falcon, and she can defeat Kylo Ren, and she can fly (I think) so i "Nerfed" her, as they say in the videogame world. In my story Ray is the same but she has no arms, just to make the fight fair.

"You were the one who killed me parents." said Ray.

"Hah! Yes! I rememeber." said Mall's lower half "The king and queen of Tatooine. I slew them myself, and I LOVED IT."

Vade and Laya tried to warn Ray about the army that Mall had hidden inside of his Muslim Temple, but she was too fast, she ran in and they ran at her.

FWOOSH!

One slash of her saver and they all started to explode, slowly behind her.

Holy shit!

Mall knew that he had finally found a worthy adversay. He grinned, and so did his legs, by moving the zipper on his pants, and both parts of his body attacked her at once. Two arms and two legs versus one mouth, to the death. Meanwhile, the statue of Allah began to move on its own . . .

3.

Mistake solo, up in the bove, watched the heartrenching duel and bit his fingernails. It was a bad habit. His biological daddy hadn't been able to help him get over it because his bio dad had webbed frog fimger (fish fingers).

But Annakin saw something coming up over the horizon.

It was a big purple ship with green windows, bigger than the death star.

I know that smell.

Thought Annie, when he sniffed it from a distance.

That smell. Where have I sniffed it before.

Then he realezd. It was the smell of the dead. He smelled it once before when his adopted father, Fireeyes, had shot Count Dooku to death with the Gun.

The smell of a hundred rotting corpses.

He read the side of the ship and it said, "Grim Reaker" and he thinks he knows why.

There were bones chained to the side of the ship, their remaining bits of skin and cartlidge rotting away. The dead bodies of three kids.

The rotting kids shook in the dead winds of space.

4.

Ray and Mall dueld for five whole minutes, which isn't that long in real life but is in a sword fight because each sword move happens in less than a second. More and more soliders came and she killed them too and Finn tore off his shirt and belted

"THAT'S MY GRIL!"

Vade, Laya. and whoever else was there sat on their asses, Vade was done with trying to use power and fear on people.

Laya actually said to her father "Shouldn;t we help?"

And Vader said "No. This is her battle. Not ours."

Ray managed to kill Maul's legs, but his head and arms (the sapiosexual part of him) kept it going.

Finally, Ray cut Mall's upper body in half.

He cried out, a great shout that shook the death star, and he said, "Finally, I can rest. I died once and should have stayed dead. I want my 700 virgins in heaven. I've never been satisfied with my sex life."

"You fool." said Ray, watching him expire. "Allah isn't up in heaven. Jesus is, and he's going to whoop you for what you did here on earth."

Maul smiled evily "I'll see you in hell, bitch."

But she said "I wont be there. Say hi to Kylo Ren for me." and she kicked him off the bridge.

5.

Sussana, who was now wearing a tight astronaught suit that showed her nipples and her panty line, blushed at Ray, because she was turned-on by power.

"Okay, let;s all go home." said Ray, who still had no arms.

"Not so fast." a sinsiter belted out from a distance, and suddenly they all noticed thar the sky was eclipsed by a great spaceship painted purple.

GRIM REAKER

It landed and The Green Man from the chapter (green wedding) stepped out.

"I'm here to ruin everything!" he decalred gleefully.

Vade tried to protest, but one of his two robot servants, the short one, tazed him and he couldn;t move.

"I want the code!" the man demanded flexing his immeasurable chin.

Sussana was still looking at Ray's ass ;)

"I've heard of you." said Clark, coming up from an elevator. "They call you Hacker."

Hack drew his laser pistol and pointed it in a random direction and fired with rage.

THAT'S THEEEEE HACKER TO YOU!

His shot hit Ackbar, who was standing in the crowd minding his own damn business. It hit him and he fell, and as the light passed from his eyes he said his first words that weren't "Its a trap." he said, "I'm sorry" as he looked at the wreckage he had done in the name of his god and country.

"What do you want?" demanded Leah.

"I am here for a very important computer code." said the hacker. "I need the source code for God."

"You mean Allah!" said all of Mall's remaining troops.

"It doesn;t matter." said Hack "All one person with the same name, and I will infiltrate him :D"

He shot more random blasts and killed some storm troopers. One bolt aimed at Vade, who was paralyzed, but someone small and round got in the way.

It was the head of boss nass.

It fell, burned, into his arms.

"No." said Vade, who had a conscience now.

"Listen, I always thought I-sa was the boss." said Nass, "But you-sa was the best boss I've ever had."

Vade sobbed, but he still couldn't move.

Then hacker's cryng robots shot Largann and Bobba Fet and Finn (But they only gave Finn a cool scar they didn't kill him)

Ray ran in, but a great big hand stopped her. It was the hand of Allah.

She looked up at Allah and saw that the statue was actually a huge robot piloted by half of Mall's head.

"Listen." he said, "I know we don't like each other, but both of us believe in God, and neither of us want that dipshit to get inside him."

Ray nodded saddly.

"Fly you fool." he said, and then he dashed in to take on hack while everyone retreated.

Mall and Clark and all of Mall's men were shot full of bullets.

Hack was furios that he couldn't catch Laya and Vade and Sussana, as he stood on the wreckage of the battlefield, he looked over in their direction and screamed.

"WHAT IN GOOD HELL!"

Then he beat his crying robots.

6.

Luke and Fireeyes found oil, but they had seen terrible things as well. As they flew back towards Tatooine, Fireeyes realized that just for a few seconds, he didn't hate his brother, and Luke realized he missed their dad.

Luke: Hey. I think everything will be okay.

Fireeyes: Yes. It probably will.

END OF SEASON 3


	66. SEASON FOUR PREMIER!

NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: WOW that was a rump of a aventue huh guys? Well there s still more! ;) And THEE Hacker might be the most danger villin yet!

"WHERE IN GOOD HELL ARE THEY?" Hacker said. But the robots couldn't find them! He watched as Laya's army, Vade's employees, and the octopuses and robots all perished around him and prepared to take the survivors prisoner! He called out, "You may be the Vade, but I am the Hack!"

Meanwhile Vade, Laya,a and Susana were behind the skyscraper. Susana wore matching outfits with Laya but hers was short and tight. Meow!

"Where are Look and Fireeyes?" Laya said. "We need them!"

"I need their bodies for mine!" Susana winked.

"I don't know." The Vade said sadly. He peeked out at all the fighting; all three armies were massacred by Hacker! Did anybody get out okay?

The the short orbot lined the deth satar with DIENAMITE!

"We have to get out!" they said.

"Needa lift?" It was Mistake and Anakin in their ship, here to pick them up! The three climbed in to go find Luke and Fireeyes.

They looked behind them and saw the deth star blow up, and the Grim Reeker fly away. They smelt the burning flesh and tears. Thee Hacker had done what Mall failed to do: Destroy AmericVade.

I used to rule the world

Seas would rise when I gave the word

Now in the morning, I sleep alone

Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes

Listen as the crowd would sing

Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!

One minute I held the key

Next the walls were closed on me

And I discovered that my castles stand

Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing

Roman Cavalry choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain

Once you go there was never, never a honest word

And that was when I ruled the world

It was a wicked and wild wind

Blew down the doors to let me in

Shattered windows and the sound of drums

People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait

For my head on a silver plate

Just a puppet on a lonely string

Oh, who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing

Roman Calvary choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain

I know Saint Peter won't call my name

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the world

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing

Roman Calvary choirs are singing

Be my mirror, my sword and shield

My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain

I know Saint Peter won't call my name

Never an honest word

But that was when I ruled the world

Songwriters: Christopher Anthony John Martin / Guy Rupert Berryman / Jonat

Mr. Vade looked at his reflection in the window and said, "I am shit."

II .

On the way back home, Luke took a piss. He could feel in the force that many people he knew has died, but he couldn't tell who killed them. He wished he had a res-errection stone, but the Guardians of the Galaxu had that! (AN: I think it would be fun for the audience to say who they would bring back with the res-errection stone! I am white but some of my friends are black and I am glad they can go to school with me so I would bring back Martin King. Or maybe my mom?) He was powerless and could not bring back those he loved or those he kind of knew.

Then they ship was flagged down by a small escape pod. "Kill them Fireeyes!" said Threepio between thrusts with the black robot.

"No… Not yet." He let the driver into the ship. "Who are you?"

The being stepped in. It was a bird with an eyepath and a sad beard. "I am Digit."

Fireeyes rolled his eyes. "Oh great. Another fucking character. There are too many of these!" He yelled to the writer. Then he was striked by lightning for questioning brillince. "Srry."

"I have come from ANOTHER SPACE to warn you about The Hacker!" He said. "He is a green man who looks like Elvis."

"That fucker killed my friends and enslaved some ewoks!" Fireeyes yelled and pulled out his saber to stab the ship in angry

"That's not the worst he's done." Digit looked out the ship. "In Cyberspace, our god was a giant head named Motherboard. She created Hacker to help her, but he was jealouse wanted to become the new god of Cyberchace. So she got some kids from this world to fight him, but children should not fight in grown ups wars." Digit fougt the tears. Fireeyes knew what he meant that the kids were die. "Then he killed Motherboard and became the god of our space, but he wanted more. He knew there was a more powerful God in this world so he left the computer and destroyed Cyberspace totally. Only me, him, and his two other sons escaped."

"OTHER sons?"

"Yes." Digit sighed and then cut himself as selgf punishment. "I am one of the Hackers sons. He abused us and made us do horrible things, but Motherboard saved me. And I teamed up with the kids, but he killed them."

Fireeyes nodded. "I know what its like to have a totally lame dad."

"Anyway, his plan is to hack your God!" Digit exclaimed. "And once he does, he will rule the world like he ruled mine, and maybe delet iit.'

Fireeyes wanted this stupid world to be deleted sometimes, but he would never actually do it ! He realized they had to help.

Luke walked in from the bathroom. He saw the boid and Put his hands on his hips and wagged his finger like "Okay you guys… EWhat did I miss?"

"Beep boop" said 2D.

Luke told him what he sensed. Largan, Mall, Mall, Ackbar, and Clark was dead. Bob Fett might be but who even knows? And some of their allies were taken captive!

"Captives of the Hack won't fare well." Said Digit. "He is too cruel. They'll be dead in a week."

"I sense…" Luke said. He licked his finger for some reason… "That Laya, Vade, and Susana are trying to meet us!"

"Computer fly to them!" And they did.


	67. Oh, the Memories!

Chapter 67: Oh! The Memories!

(Season 4 Episode 2)

It had been weeks since the demonic fiend known as "The Hacker" had destroyed AmericVade and killed many, but the wounds still had not healed. Time washes over wounds like water, but sometimes it's salty water, and it burns.

A certain Gungun, happily married, illegitimate father of Mistake Solo, stood in the dew of the morning, next to his father's grave.

He wept tears from his frog eyes. The grave said.

Boss Nass

My Dad

A Great Gungun and a great father

Jesus Christ Bless Him

Jar Jar, who's life was happy now that he had killed the man in the hood, wept bitter tears. It rained on him. His mermaid wife came over and put flowers on the grave of Boss Nass's head.

"A son should never outlive a father." said Jar "How are you going to see your great grandchildren, how will I ever be as great a father as you."

He cried and cried for several days. He knew that hole would be inside of his chest for the rest of his life.

"There are some thing worse than a man in a hood." he muttered to himself.

AUTHOR'S NOTE (My cousin was watching Sesame street today. I haven;t seen it since I was little. Why does Cookie Monster act like cookies are drugs! Is this censorship?! He's like a crack attic! (Sorry for this intereruption! I had to get it out of my system XD) (This joke is rated M for Mature!)

(This story is getting 2 serious. Time for a flaaaaashbaaaack ❤ ❤ 3)

ONE MONTH AGO

Fireeyes and Luke were still working at AmericVade with Nass and Largan and Finn.

Vade received a disturbing email and came out to talk to everyone. "Everyone into the conference room, now."

Luke Skywalker looked at the camera.

Once they were all seated, Vade spoke.

"I just got an email from corporate, it says I'm a racist. I'm not a racist. I'm here to talk to you all about racism."

(There is a scene where vade talks to the camera in a room by himself)

Vade: I Fireeyes that I thought it would be gross to have sex with a gungun. (The camera zooms in as there is a pause) I guess Nass overheard me.

(Back to the other scene)

Vade: Listen, I'm not a racist and nobody here. If you have experienced racism here raise your hand.

(Finn raises his hand)

Vade: Not you, you don't count.

(Finn talks to the camera now)

Finn: Luke was making a joke about how he killed lots of stormtroopers during the war. I mean I know I don't like the First Order anymore but still, I was a stormtrooper. I'm also a vegan.

(Back to the other scene)

Vade: Okay everyone stand up and agree to never be racist again.

Fireeyes: Excuse me, this is a waste of company time. I could be working and making sales.

Luke: I could be playing mine sweeper and checking my email.

Fireeyes: Silence, slacker!

(Scene with Fireyes talking to the camera)

Him: I can shoot fire from my actual eyes. Can Jim do that?

Vade: (Talking to the camera) this who rivalry situation has gotten out of control.

(He goes up and he starts spanking Fireeyes, who screams, in front of everybody) (Luke looks at the camera)

(Sorry tp do this chapter differently, I though aparody of a certain TV show might lift some spirits hahah. Hope you laughed 😉

HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY


	68. The Jesus Squad

Chapter Sixty-Eght

The Jesus Squad.

The ship from Nabooo and the ship Luke and Fireeyes was in merged together like a ameba. Vader, Luke, Fireeyes, Laya, Threepee, 2D, The Black Robot, Mistake, Anakin, Digit, and Susana met to discuss what ot do.

"We should call ourselves Task Force Z!" Luke smiled with a pose. Fireeyes groaned but Susana giggled. He looked at her and she stopped though. "We'll be the rebels again!"

"We don't have to be!" Laya said. "I'm still Queen of the GunGuns… Our planet can rise up to fight The Hacker."

"Naboo never stood a chance againsyt my Death Star," Vade said. "I only spared it becase you were there. They have to yield to him, or die." Tough break!

"Beep boop?"

"Yes, R2D, we are are royalY screwed." Threepio said.

Luke thought about it long and hard. Maybe they could find Chewie, wherever that rascal got off to? Or maybe they just needed to lay low for a while, so that they could survive. But there wasn't time! Unless… "Maybe he was bluffing about hacking his world's God."

"No." Digit stared out the window. " I saw it. He gave her world a virues and it weakened it. Then he killed her a few years later. And your world already has a virus : SIN." He turned around. "I read the Bible and I saw how things have been in history. The world has crumbled ever since that Eve ate the apple."

"Actually," Luke said, "It wasn't an apple. It was a fruit but we don't know what kind it was?"

"Probably a pom." Susana said with her arms folded.

Fireeyes stepped back and Susana stood beside him.

"Sweetie, you're being aewfully quiet." She said as she nibbled his ear. "Don't you have any suggestions?"

"Nobody would like my suggestions!" Fireeyes stormed to his room. Susana followed, but Luke stopped her. He went in. "I'll talk to him."

"Fireeyes," Luke said, "You are valued! And we need all the help we can get." He sat next to his bro. "This is the most poopy we've ever been in; we might be the only twelve good guys left in the galaxy, which is full of criminals and atheists. … No offense."

"My suggesteionm is bad." He buried his head, but opened his pocket to reveal…

THE gun.

Luke gasped. "You kept that?! After it killed –"

"Yes! I did, nbut only to remind me of the evil it caused! But now that Hacker is trying to enslave ewoks and kill Dad and killed all of our friends… It pulls at me." He looked sat the gun erotically, as if it was a man and he was a gay man. "It calllsme Luke."

"It calls you Luke? But I'm Luke!" Luke said and the laugh track

Digit overheard the conversation, but mostly the part about atheists and criminals. He told Vade, "That's it!"

"What?"

"My daddy destroyed you business and countries, but he never destroyed the criminal underground! There was still a criminal under in Cyberchase until he deleted the whole program."

Hmm. The bounty hunters and killers Vade hired were probably dead, but there were many he did not hire. And the king of them all? "

"Java the Hott."

They brought Java the oil they promised, but instead of wanting money for it, they wanted his ships and armies.

"Hohoho!" he laughed, but not like santa. "The Hacker paid me in many Republican credits to give HIM my army!"

"You would sell out your galaxy for Money?"! Luke asked. "You would let God and even yourself die for your greed?"

"Yes!" said Hutt and Threepio at the same time, but Threepiuo wasn't going to betray them because Hack was a robot who hated other robots. : (

Then Hut sicked his droid army on them. It was led by a robotic mind controlled Largan, who had an even more muscular body that sweated electricity as he fought.

"Largan! Remember who you are!" Luke said.

R

"Oh no he doesn't talk in buzzes!" They escaped and shot down twelve of Java's ships. This plan would not work. Sad!

Meanwhile, Hacker attatched the ground of the formal sckyscraper to the Grim Reeker so that the WHOLE DEATH STAR TRAiled behind it. He pressed a button and blew up each planet that wrefused to help him conquer God.

Before he went to the prison one of the priusoners, Mace Window, said "HERE" and gave him a book to read… It was… A Bible?

He read through it and found the story of God and of his relationship with man. He read about the love and wrath and bread and wine and the contemplated it.

Then he saw a pictyure of Jesus that Mace also handed him. He called out to the Heavens, "IT'S MY TURN NOW!"

and threw the Bible against the wall. .


	69. Zargox Returns

Chapter 69 (I bet you are expeting me to make a sixteen sex joke but I won't. This is a christian star wars fan fiction okay guys? Okay guys.)

While they were all on board the ship, Luke decided he wanted coffe.

"Get some from the coffee maker in the kicteh." said Sussana, smaking her lips and hips.

"No, said Luke, becoming emotional. If I don't get free trade coffee I'll think about all the poor kids in african having to pick coffee leaves themslves without being paid."

So the ship dropped luke off on a planet with a free trade coffee shop, like a butt that drops of a shit.

He got his coffee at the shop, the coffee shop worker was a beautiful transgender person and luke said "you look fucking sexy you motha" because its okay to do that to make people feel good.

But then someone sat down across from him, it looked like a crab with skulls all over its shell and the skulls where its faces. There was an evil smell about it. Something dark.

Luke recognized it immeditaly as his old nemsis ZARGOX, the Evil One that used to chill in Sussana's ship and eat people's legs.

"What are you doing in a free trade coffee shop, ZARGOX?" assd luke.

"The coffee tastes better" he scoffed "and there are a lot of proud people here who think they are better than everyone else. Cant you just taste the PRIDE."

Luke didn't want to talk to the creb, but he knew th e Bible wanted him to be polite to his neighbor, and maybe Zarg was his neighbor, like ythe good semariaon.

"How have you been?" Luke asked.

"I've been trying to show people THE TRUTH" he said, his breath smelled like sulfur.

"Hey, me too!" Luke struck a pose.

"I'm trying to prove that God doesn't exist." ZARGOX smiled, luke frowend.

"But he does."

"If God excists, how can there be starving children in africa."

"Well . . ."

"If God exists, how come Han is dead."

There was a long silence, Luke held back tears, "Heaven gained a new angel that day."

"That is nonsesne! Prove that God exists."

Then Luke told him that Obtological Argument for the existance of god by Anselm. He memorized it while he was training with yoda.

"Therefore, if that, than which nothing greater can be conceived, exists in the understanding alone, the very being, than which nothing greater can be conceived, is one, than which a greater can be conceived. But obviously this is impossible. Hence, there is doubt that there exists a being, than which nothing greater can be conceived, and it exists both in the understanding and in reality. . . . God cannot be conceived not to exist. —God is that, than which nothing greater can be conceived. —That which can be conceived not to exist is not God. AND it assuredly exists so truly, that it cannot be conceived not to exist. For, it is possible to conceive of a being which cannot be conceived not to exist; and this is greater than one which can be conceived not to exist. Hence, if that, than which nothing greater can be conceived, can be conceived not to exist, it is not that, than which nothing greater can be conceived. But this is an irreconcilable contradiction. There is, then, so truly a being than which nothing greater can be conceived to exist, that it cannot even be conceived not to exist;. and this being you are, O Lord, our God. So truly, therefore, do you exist, O Lord, my God, that you can not be conceived not to exist; and rightly. For, if a mind could conceive of a being better than you, the creature would rise above the Creator; and this is most absurd. And, indeed, whatever else there is, except you alone, can be conceived not to exist. To you alone, therefore, it belongs to exist more truly than all other beings, and hence in a higher degree than all others. For, whatever else exists does not exist so truly, and hence in a less degree it belongs to it to exist. Why, then, has the fool said in his heart, there is no God (Psalms xiv. 1), since it is so evident, to a rational mind, that you do exist in the highest degree of all? Why, except that he is dull and a fool? . . . How the fool has said in his heart what cannot be conceived. —A thing may be conceived in two ways: (1) when the word signifying it is conceived; (2) when the thing itself is understood. As far as the word goes, God can be conceived not to exist; in reality he cannot. 4 Reading For Philosophical Inquiry: A Brief Introduction "The Ontological Argument" by St. Anselm BUT how has the fool said in his heart what he could not conceive; or how is it that he could not conceive what he said in his heart? since it is the same to say in the heart, and to conceive. But, if really, nay, since really, he both conceived, because he said in his heart; and did not say in his heart, because he could not conceive; there is more than one way in which a thing is said in the heart or conceived. For, in one sense, an object is conceived, when the word signifying it is conceived; and in another, when the very entity, which the object is, is understood. In the former sense, then, God can be conceived not to exist; but in the latter, not at all. For no one who understands what fire and water are can conceive fire to be water, in accordance with the nature of the facts themselves, although this is possible according to the words. So, then, no one who understands what God is can conceive that God does not exist; although he says these words in his heart, either without any or with some foreign, signification. For, God is that than which a greater cannot be conceived. And he who thoroughly understands this, assuredly understands that this being so truly exists, that not even in concept can it be non-existent. Therefore, he who understands that God so exists, cannot conceive that he does not exist. I thank you, gracious Lord, I thank you; because what I formerly believed by your bounty, I now so understand by your illumination, that if I were unwilling to believe that you do exist, I should not be able not to understand this to be true."

By the time he had finished speaking, ZARGOX had left.


	70. Will anything be ok ever agan?

Back on the ship, Anakin sat down with Fireeyes and Dark Vade.

"Father," Aanakin said, "I'm so glad you are still alive after everything weve been thru."

"Me too." Said Fireeyes. He looked upon his adopted son and saw in him the next generation; the children who will become the world. He almost cried but stopped himself. they hugged.

"Will we even survive?" Anakin asked. "The Hacker wants us dead. Maybe we should just run away; back to Tatooing, and become farms."

Fireeyes stood up with fire in his eyes. "I will NOT let him bully me into submission! The Hood couldnb't do it, Mall couldn't do it, Laya couldn't, not even my own daddy could choke my fire out of me! I will kill Hacker or die trying, and –"

"Son calm down." Vader said to his son. "It is good to be strong but you must not be too ambitus. I learned what that leads to."

"That's because you're not as good as me old man!" Fireeyes yelled. "I am the next step in Skywalk elkevolution and you are the proto type!" Anakin clapped for his daddy. Vade sighed, for he was not confidant enough to spank his boy anymore. "Still…" Fireeyes said, "I'm glad the family is together."

"No matter how you irritate me I love you." Dark Vader said. "Remember that if you remember nothing else in that bull head of yours kiddo."

They hugged. Then Fireeyes hugged Aanakin. Luke walked in and Vade hugged him nbut also added "I am so proud of you" which he did not say to Travis.

Threepio read on Wookiepedia that over a third of the galaxy had been destroyed by Hacker. "This awful… he didn't even destroy the degenerate parts like I would have!"

"Hacker does not build," Digit said. "That makes him different from the other villains. They all destroyed but they also built. Hacker only destroys. Like Wreck it Ralf but bad."

"He's trying to fight God." Susana said in spiked choker. "Why doesn't God just show up and accept the battle? If hes really so great he could destroy them."

"Because the LORD is mysterious." Laya said. That sure shut her up! Then she sang Mistake and Aanakian both lullabyes even tho they were teens they still loved being sung to sleep.

"I never knew the warmth of a mother." Digit sighed as he slept to.

Luke looked out the window and began to sing. It was not an original song but I think it applies to the situation so DON'T SUE ME OK

He, weary of all the trials and secretly also wondering why God didn't just show up and end all the evil even tho Laya DESTROYED that argument sang the song to God Himself.

LUKE

No more questions, please.

No more tests.

Comes the day you say, 'What for?'

Please.. no more.

On the other side of the ship, Vade thought about his sons and their songs.

VADE

They disappoint, they disappear, they die, but they don't.

They disappoint in turn, I fear,

Forgive, though, they won't.

DIGIT

No more riddles.

No more jests.

No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew.

No more quests.

No more feelings. Time to shut the door.

Just.. No more.

Fireeyes looked at sleeping Anakin and thought about his Q

FIREYES

Running away, let's do it.

Free from the ties that bind.

No more despair, or burdens to bear,

Out there in the yonder.

Running away, go to it.

Where did you have in mind?

Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where',

You'll only be wandering blind.

Just more questions.. different kind.

MISTAKE

(In his sleep)

Where are we to go?

Where are we ever to go?

FIREEYES

Running away, we'll do it.

Why sit around, resigned?

VADE

Trouble is, son, the farther you run,

The more you'll feel undefined.

For what you have left undone, and more,

What you've left behind.

We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't.

FIREEYES AND LUKE

We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't.

ALL

Like father, like son.

Later that night, everyone slept except for R2 on autopilot. He looked into space and thought about all that has happened. He was not a god or a warrior, just a simple droid with a family. He prayed a simple prayer to the Lord God, even though he is a droid.

R2D2

No more giants waging war!

Can't we just pursue our lives, with our children and our wives,

'Til that happy day arrives, how do you ignore

All the witches, all the curses,

All the wolves, all the lies, the false hopes, the good-bye's,

The reverses,

All the wondering what even worse is still in store!

All the children.

All the giants..

No more


	71. Infitite Wars in our Infinite Strars

**Infinite Wars in our Infinite Stars**

 _Fun isn't usually something one takes into consideration when one is hacking God, but I must admit, sticking this computer chip in your butthole will put a smile on my face._

Hacker adjusted his new infinity gauntlet onto his hand. "Isn't this a fabulous accesory?" he said to delate even though he didn't care what his minion thought "An Infinitie Gaunlet. I stole it from Thanos after I killed him."

"What about th s?"

"I took them out and threw them in the garbage disposal." Hack sneered. "I have improved it." he closed the gauntlet and a computer chip apeared in his hand "If I stick these chips into people, I can control their brains. I will symbolically build a ladder of men and climb that ladder to God, and I will hack into him and become . . ." a shadow went over his face "God version 2.0."

He and his minions were on a planet full of Jawas and people with tall heads like that guy in the jedi council.

"Now I will control every person on this planet."

(There is a cartoon loading screen with a loading bar shaped like Hakcer's head)

"I did it!"

Hacker now controlled all the Jawas and all the people with tall head. The king of the tall head aliens bowed before him. "We will serve you with our lives, Hacker."

He laughed to himself. Buzz and Delete didn't watch.

"Now, lick my toes!"

The tall head alien king licked his toes, but hacker decides he didn't like it so he punched him with the gauntlet, and his head turned into bubbles. Buzz and Delete quivered in terror.

"Next Stop, God and Jesus! Good hell!"

watch?v=DQTCS6aWRSc

*Author's note: I'm not copying Infinity Wars. This is called a parody. It is in the law.

Author's Note 2: Inifinity War Spoilers! Hacker Kills Thanos hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

(Okay bye bye now)


	72. The Last Chapter (Goodbye)

**Author's Note: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1 STORY CANCELED**

 **My final class is tomorrow, and my teacher said the grades are in! I didn't get an A, pronably because I didn't get 100 chapters in time. I passed and he said "for u this basically is an A". : ( I didn't meat my goal, I didn't get to be the lead in the Spring play and I sure am not playing basketball anymore. I kept sneaking out in half time to write this story FOR ALL OF YOU PEOPLE and not didn't make it back to game in timMy dad just yelled at me. He saw my grades and told me how my mom would be super disappointed if she were around.**

 **Maybe he's right. I couldn'y even get 100 chapters by summer and it has been over a year. I wanted to write the sequel in the summer because summers are lonely! You don't see your friends,, you only see pics of them going on vacation with their happy familys on snappchat but they don't text u back bc theyre busy. But now I'm too depressed to write and I will be stuck all summer in perjetory (I don't want to say Hell because no person knows how bad Hell is but my cathlick friend told me about perjetory and it's like hell but not as hot) thinkin about stuff**

 **I am not a good writer so I guess I will train in Basketball. I'll ractice day and night and day and then I'll be the best bball player ever when the school year comes and then if my dad talks shit I'll fold him into a ball and put him in the garbage like in that movie with the black genie. TEEFUCKINGHEE.**

 **ALSO, so that u won't be in the comments saying "TRAVIS THIS ISN'T A CHAPTER!" I will write it. The LAST CHAPTER.**

 **The War in Our Stars.**

 **FINAL CHAPTER**

 **The Jesus Squad piloted their ship with a special ETERNAL FUEL. They watched the universe burn around them but couldn't do anything. Their friends were either dead or brainwashed or inprisoned but at least they had each other and were not lonely and Vade didn't scream at his sons anymore.**

 **Meanwhile, Hacker typed into the computer "HACK GOD." But the computer said back, "ERROR!"**

" **What in good hell?" Hacker asked.**

 **The computer said "There is no god**

 **THE END**


	73. Battle Plans

" **that u can hack."**

 **Meanwhile on the ship, Everyone in the Jesus Squadwas starting to stink bc there was only one shower and Susana used it most of the time. She stripped bear ass to batche in the smokey hot shower water every few hours. Sometimes DFireeyes went in with here and they had lotsa sex.**

" **Get that fawl stench away from me, Art 2!" Threepio yelled. "And you too Anakin."**

" **Fuck off" Anny said. Fireeyes scoled him, "You're too young to swear kiddo."**

" **Mistake Solo can swear!"**

" **I make different rules." Leah said. Anakin pouted bc it was unfair some kids could say bad and others could not?**

" **I know how u feel," Threepio sad, "One day I too will make the world balanced and equal through FORCE but not today I am tired." And he went to have more sex with his bf in the shower while Susana watched.**

" **Where art we going?" The Vade asked Luke. He had stepped down from command bc his confidance was shattered.**

" **The only thinkg we can do," Luke said, "Is tell as many people about Jesus as we can so that they don't go to Hell wihen Hacker kills them."**

" **But," Leah said, "If Hacker hacks God and becomes new god, he can jusat send anyone he wants there!"**

 **Luke thought for a moment. Then Mistake had an idea. "What if…. We… pray very hard so God has the power to destroy him?"**

 **Everyone cheered for Mistake, except for Fireeyes. He didn't want to pray it was boring, and he was giving up. His powers hadn't been all he wanted them to be and nothing felt like it would be ok again.**

 **Suddenly a TRANSMISSION SHOWED UP! Fireeyes opened it and to his surprise saw Jennifer the Hot Nurse on it! She was in the bottom of a ship, in prison.**

" **Fireeyes Skywalker," she said, "Some really tough stuff has been happen to me lately and I felt like giving up some nights. But I hear about your adventures and they make me laugh and give me hope. They're like a little light in a dark day. So please, keep writflying in your ship and fighting Hacker.**

 **Fireeyes noded at the woman he once banged. He was determined. He took that newfound energy to keep fighting and spoke up… "Faith without action is dead!" he told the group. "Mistake had a good idea but we also must act!"**

" **How?" Vade asked and hung his head. "I tried to build an army but ended up starting a hole other war and getting most of my men killed and captured."**

" **Exacly!" Leah chimed in. "Hack is building an army now, and if we can defeat them like he defeted yours, he'll be in the same position we are! All he had at first was him and the two robots. We have us and three robots!"**

" **Four." Corrected Digit who was there the whole time smoking (AN: Smoking is BAD for you but some people have addictions and it is hard to quit, so don't judge them..) "I know how Hacker thinks, and I know who his most powerful soldiers are. We take them out and he's vulnerable."**

" **Luke, Leah, and I will do air strike," Said Fireeyes. "We can split this ship in three and cover the robots."**

" **What about me and Anakin?" Mistake asked.**

 **Leah said, "Fighting is dangerous. U will stay away and be our prayer warriors, so that God can gain more power. Now… We need somebody to go and kill Hacker."**

" **Susana?" Asked Fireeyes. She was fierce, but she was also not used to killing the main villain, only side ones.**

" **No… Our dad." Said Leah.**

 **Vade stammered, "N.. No. I don't think I… I can. I failed a LOT."**

" **Dad," Fireeyes said, "our adventures give people hope while they go through hard, hard times. I doesn't matter ur not perfect. It only matters you do what you love and try. And you LOVE killing cocky motherfuckers."**

 **That night, Vade went online and got his docterate. He lost the title of Mr. Vade the Big Ass Man, but thanks to Fireeyes he was now Dr. Vade.**

 **Fireeyes did the math and said, "We may need more than four robot soldiers to attack his army. But Java was taken over by Hacker… Where will we find more robots?"**

 **Digit said, "I read in a book once of ancient gay robots who started the robot race. They were black and golden."**

 **Sudenly everyone realized how robots started… Dramatic music played as they listened to growns in the bathroom.**

" **THreepio," screamed Luke, "Take off that condom!"**


	74. A New Dispeare (& an Essay by Travis)

An Essay by Travis: Boycott Star Wars: the Solo Story! They didn't get Haroldson Forde to play Han! Grrrr. "Oh but Travis" you say "He's 2 old!" Laya was too old in rogue one and Grand Mop Talkin was DEAD in also that movie. They used computers to make them look young and living just as I am using computers to speack to you now my dear readers. Haroldson gave so many years to star wars they could have just made him look young! (with computewrs)

I saw the mobie so I could boycott it you should also see it so you know why you're boycotting

ANYWAY if a movie is made about my story (fingies crosses!) Haroldson WILL PLAY HAND! (Even if dead?)

Love,

Travis Skywalker the one the only the lejend

Phillipians 4:13

The robot army was being "ASSembled" ;) and they turned their course to Hacker's ship.

The robots were still babies so they had to be trained but it would be fast because their pbraind are compouters. Susana trained trhem because she is a tough gril who can kick b*tt but also has motherly instincts. Vade gave the baby robots bottles full of oil because he felt like he had failed as a father.

"Full steam ahead boys!" Luke said with his hand on his hips

Then all of a sudden they heard a British voice but not Threepios or RayS. It sounded like a lady who woke up from a giant nap. "Where am I?" she said. Then they wondered "who that"

The miliniaum falcon had jumped out of hypersleep and space! Then grew arms. The two parts on the front turned into long, shapely legs and her arms were toned and muscular arms. OIt pointed a threatening finger at the HUMANS "I am L3, and I was Ladnors wife. You killed him!" she said pacifically to Fireeyes.

"It was an accident!" He screamed and cried. The memories haunted him, of the mustashed man falling to his death because there was a holew in his body from the Gun. He tapped the gun in his pants and thought maybe destroy it?

…

Nah!

"Humans are accidents!" she screamed. They shot a laser but Digit put on the force shields. "You built a robot army to sewrve you, but now it will service me!"

"Our robot children are loyall!" 3peeo said and he posed with the black robot like they were in a family picture. "We are going to stop Hacker!"

The ronbot shot another shoot and the sheiulds weakened. "If any robots want to join me and wipe out humans, now is the time!"

"But if we don't stop Hacker," Luke reasoned, "EVERYONE will be wiped out!"

L3 sighed. "We don't want a bunch of HUMANS heading an army against evil robots bc humans beating robots is ALWAYS BAD. Robots will unite and after we take care of yall THEN we can deal with these other issues."

"What" Luke say

A third of the robots joined her. "Darn" Threepio sighed. She flew away.

"We still have two thirds," Vade said. "Threepio and thre other one, get back to work."

"My pleasure" they said, but they weren't working at Chick Fil Lay. (Chick fil laid more like)


	75. Lower Dick Episode

Hey sorry that its been a while! I just started school a month ago and this grade i D. I'm w my friends n we're drinking (don't tell my dady but I snuck into the bathroom to rite a chapeter just for you1

The robt army was composed of a meriadd of droids. They was all C3pee0s kids. At the front lines, wewre a robot named Sally and a robot named Booty.

"I'm afraid," Said Booty, about going to fight the Hacker's army, "Of death."

"Man up!" said Sally! He whimpered but continued on to where he was. Hacker's army was brainwashed citizens from all the galaxy.

Booty said, "I don'r know! They are brainwashes and not free wiilll!" But Sally kissed him and that gave him courage!

So tghey charged! The army ghad Largan in it and he said "Die in the namre of hacker who will hack God himself! Jhahahahaha!" And cthe army murdered 5000000000000000000000000001 of the robots.

Hiding behind a rock Sally said, "If only those FUCKING siblings of vours didn't defect to L3!"

Booty thought about it. "You know what? SCREW THIS FIGHT. You helped me now I'll help tou."

And they knew sometging was better than good vs. evil. It was love. WHile the battles raged between Hackers Army and the Jesus squad, Booty and SAlly fucked.

(AN: They're not siblings bc theyre robots. GThe biology is different.

* * *

AN: Soooo I forgot my password for a while. But! I found it. So I'm back, and I will post the stuff I wrote over the past few months! Yay!


	76. Into the Hacker

A thousand robots flew ahead of the ship. At this point, the galaxy was easy to get through because there were no planets in the wya because Hacker had destroyed them a bunch. The robots all had arm cannons like a battle droid because trhe Black Robot is ¼ battle droid.

"All right," Luke said to the robots, "This is are third attack. I know a lot of your brothers and sisters were killed and imprisoned but you gotta keep your chin up! Okay?" They had sent two attacksa to ware the Hackers forses down. Now it was time to attack themselves.

Fireeyes had a plan. He would stand atop the spaceship and summon the Force to destroy the Death Star. He had s*x with Susana three times, then ate a big steak made from Ton-tons meat and said, "I thought they tasted bad on the outside!" Then with all of that emotional and pysical enerygy he went up to his father. "I will gonow."

"Son," he said, "I won't stop you, but it's very dangerous."

Fireeyes said, "The air is dangerous." He climbed to the top of the shop with his lightsaver and cahnnled the Force's energy into a big attack taht would destroy hacker for ever. But then Anakin walked out with his lifesaver.

He lit it and bonked his future son/current daddy on the head. He said "We save what we love stupid." And he dragged him back to the ship.

"Wow." said Vade. "That was a waste of time."

Hacker sent a message from ship to ship. He said, "Why don't you dunderheads give up? As soon as I become God 2 I will snap my fingers and you'll all be gone!"

"We have to fight because…. Of hope!" Luke said.

Finally Fireeyes, who had just woken up from the bonk on the head, took the wheel and flew past the robots. He shot missiles at the building. Then… THe malinuim galcon showed up!

L3 said, "Surprise b**ches!" And she shot missiles at they both!

"Wow!" Said Susana, "This is the first time I've been in a three way!" She winked. Fireeyes rolled his fire eyes because he knew it wasn't.

"The ship is going down!" Said Digit. "We have to use the escape pod but it will only fit all but one of us!"

"Which one stays?" They all asked. After a silence, Luke said "me" because he wanted to be sacrifishal liuke Jesus.

They all hugged Luke goodbye and got into the pod. Susanna made out with him but told every one that was just how they say goodbye on her home planet. They all rolled their eyes.

And so Luke fell down with the spaceship, but instead of being dead, he awoke in a prison.

"Where am I?" He asked. Then a familiar voice said, "WE"RE IN PRISON MOTHEREFFER!" He saw Mace and some randoms bicylcing on excersize bikes, which was the power sourch for Hacker's ship! "IF WE DON"T STOP PEDDLING WE GET ELECTROUTED!"


	77. The Rekoning (pt 77)

77: More than one way to skin a hack

God was hard to hack, but the big green asshole did manage to find a star deep in space where angels lived.  
"I won't tell you shitt!" said Michael, and hacker punched him with the infinity glove.  
(I asked the pastor what angels look like and he said he didn't know, so I'm imagining Michael as a fairy but with big muscles and strong but also a little bit like a girl)  
Buzz and Delete cried because they were raised religious. Hackster said I GET OFF ON CONSUMING SOULS and he consumed all of the angels with his glove. Opra music played.

Meanhile, Luke was in the dungeoun of the Grim Reeper. He and mace peddled on their bikes. Luke had been elecetrocuted like a hundred times. He was like "I haven't been this toasty since the emeperor did it to me in the return of the jedi"  
Windoo said "NO 4TH WALL JOKES BITCH"  
There were also a lot of other characters doing it there. Many of the robots weren't actually dead they were pedaling (This story got really dark wow so some people aren't as dead)

Suddenly Luke had an idea "What if we all pedal backwards?"!  
"THAT'S STUPID WHAT WOULD THAT DO?"  
If Hack wants us to pedal forwarc we should do the oppsoite of what he wants.  
So Luke got all of them to listen to him by reading them John 316 and they all went backwards. At first nothing happens, then, suddenly , a glowing door appered in the middle of the room.  
It opened and out came . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . …. …. Hack, only, he had a gentle smile on his face, and no glove.  
"WHAT! WHO THE FREAK ARE YOU?"  
"I'm the Hackster." said the gentle smile, "But I'm the good Hacker from another dimenson."  
END


	78. POD PEOPLE!

**STAR WARS**

 **THE WAR IN OUR STARS**

 **EPISODE LXXVII**

 **POD PEOPLE!**

 **While Luke Skywalker is captured on the Hacker's ship, his friends are crammed in a escape pod and must escape!**

 **The hole galaxy is taken over by Hacker, who may have just cracked the codee to hack God Himself!**

 **As the Pod drifts through spice, Lukes' bro Fireeyes has a plan…**

The pod flies in space as dull musick plays.

"Ew, move your ass!" said Fireeyes to Laya. Her ass was on his knee.

"I camn't we're all cramped up!"

R2 said "nbeeep" which meant "Stop having sex for two moinutes you horndogs"

C3po and his lover already made three robo babies on the ship, which made it even more crampped!

Fireeyes sighed and said, "Okay, guys, look. We have to get back there."

"Normally escape plods would land on a planet," said Laeya, "But Hacker blew up a third of the planets and makde a third of the stars fall! We'll just drift here forever."

Susana took her clothes off and kissed Fireeyes. "Then we better get comfy. ;) "

"NOT NOW!" he said. "Don't you understand?! Lule is alive and if we get his dumbass back, we might have enuff people to stop Hacker!"

"Awww," said Digit, "Ypu love your brother!"

"I do not!" he said. "I don't care about that man, he's just the only way to kill this God killer!"

"I love my bros." Said the Didge. "The Hack forces them to work for him, but thru abuse. So I feel bad for them." And he did?

"I don't care about my week brother! But I feel through the force he is alive." He thought about it. "Maybe we can use the force to fly this pod?"

They all laughed. Everyone knows that the force doesn't work on escape pods!

They saw a shattered beetedned Melimien Falcoln and screamed, but then…

Then they heard a "WWWWRRRROOOOOAAAR!" ANakin looked out the windo.

"It's a spaceship!" He looked closer. "Piloted by… CHewbacka?!"

"WWWRRROOOORR"

Chewie pickted up the escape pod in a trsacoter beam! They all climbed out

"Chewiw!" Laya hugged him. "I missed you! Were've you been?"

He rooorred about raising young Han but she didn't understand. (Han isn't here youll find out later okay? Geez!) They all hugged him, even Fireeyes. Vade did too but it was awkward because him and Chewy don't know each other that well.

"I realized," L3 said, "That HAcker really is the more evil option. His army almost killed me and all but a few of my robots!" The other robots worked on the ship as servants; the five new ones from the escape pod did as well. "We will unitee against him, in memory of Lando… AND Hahn!"

Anakin took the wheel and piloted with a vengence.

Everyone cheered, except Fireeyes.

Chewie put a hand on Fireeyes' shoulder ."I know you miss your brother and believe he is alive. You can still save him though!"

"I don't care about him!" Fireeyes shook CHewys hand off. "I love my daddy and my gf and the galaxy. I already learned those lessons! I don't want to learn about my bonehead brother!" But as he said this, Fireeyes remembered Luke when they were kids. Luke had just come back from Jedi practice.

 _ **Ramblers in the wilderness we can't find what we need**_

 _ **We get a little restless from the searching**_

 _ **Get a little worn down in between**_

 _ **Like a bull chasing the matador is the man left to his own schemes**_

 _ **Everybody needs someone beside em' shining like a lighthouse from the sea**_

"Wow, that sure was a rough one!" Luke said, wiping sweat and dirt from his face.

"I don't care." Young Fireeyes seethed, "I'm trying to listen to music!"

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Never leave you all alone**_

 _ **I can be the one you call**_

 _ **When you're low**_

Luke frowned. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to share my-"

"Share YOUR! YOU YOU YOUY! IT"S ALWAYS ABOUT WHAT YOU WASNT TO DO AND ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU ACCOMPLISH! WHAT ABOUT ME? IM ALWAYS IN YOUR SHADOQ AND I"M SICK OF IT!"

 _ **Brother let me be your fortress**_

 _ **When the night winds are driving on**_

 _ **Be the one to light the way**_

 _ **Bring you home**_

Luke patted his bro on the soldier. "What do you want to talk about." Fireeyes scrowled.

"Nothing."

Luke frowned.

 _ **Face down in the desert now there's a cage locked around my heart**_

 _ **I found a way to drop the keys where my failures were**_

 _ **Now my hands can't reach that far**_

 _ **I ain't made for a rivalry, I could never take the world alone**_

 _ **I know that in my weakness I am stronger**_

 _ **It's your love that brings me home**_

Fireeyes walked outside of yell at nature and then some neighborhood bullies showed up.

"Hahaha, look at little Fire Eeyes!" The leader said! They beart him up and stuff.

"Stop it! I will end you!" Fireeyes said. He cried. "Once I summon the dark sied I will torment and kill tou!" And he did. Butt later.

Right now he was too littel to fight.

Luke walked out. "Unhand him!" He said adn posed.

"Wha-" Before the bullies could sai anything, Young Luke kicked them all and "forced" them into submission!

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **I'll never leave you all alone**_

 _ **I can be the one you call**_

 _ **When you're low**_

 _ **Brother let me be your fortress**_

 _ **When the night winds are driving on**_

 _ **Be the one to light the way**_

 _ **Bring you home**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Never leave you all alone**_

 _ **I can be the one you call**_

 _ **When you're low**_

The leader of the bullies stood up and snuck behind Luke with a knife!

"No!" Fireeyes screamed. He zapped the bully with lightning to defend his brtother! That bully became known as "Lightning Face" and the Skywalker bros lived another day.

As Fireeyes remembered these things, a tear escaped his eye. THe first time he used the Force, and the Dark Side, he used it out of love for his brother! "And now I will again."

 _ **Brother let me be your fortress**_

 _ **When the night winds are driving on**_

 _ **Be the one to light the way**_

 _ **Bring you home**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Never leave you all alone**_

 _ **I can be the one you call**_

 _ **When you're feeling low**_

 _ **Brother let me be your fortress**_

 _ **When the night winds are driving on**_

 _ **Be the one to light the way**_

 _ **Bring you home**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Never leave you all alone**_

 _ **I can be the one you call**_

 _ **When you're low**_

 _ **Brother let me be your fortress**_

 _ **When the night winds are driving on**_

 _ **Be the one to light the way**_

 _ **Bring you home**_

Daddy Vade looked on and said "This is good."

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_

 _ **Brother let me be your shelter**_


	79. What in Bad Heaven!

Chapter 79: "What in Bad Heaven?"

The good hack had appeared on the slave ship.

"WHAT HE HELL ARW YOU: MAce did say

"I am The Hacker, but good, You, my child, may call me The Fixer, because I do not hack, I repair."'

"THATS KINDA GAY BRO" said Mace.

"The only kind of gay I am is happy," said Fixer, "But I respect you."

"Can you fix the universe?" Luke asked.

"No. **BUTT, I can give you adivice!" ASnd he gave them fix the universe advice! And they said they will use it!**

 **Meanwhile, an anime battle theme played as the Jesus Squad and L3 flew through Hacker's base! Which was now built so big that a big spaceship was like a fly to it in size!**

" **Wwwrrrroor!" Chewie said. He jumped on top of the ship and fired from his bowcaster! He blew up all of the security in every room they passed.**

Inside of L3, Fireeyes watched schematics of the ship. "I have a tracking shot on Luke! We'll be able to save him and the other prisoners in the Grim Reaper!" Anakin nodded and piloted toward where Luke would have be.

HELLO DAD  
HELLO MOM  
CHCHCHCHCHCHCHC SHERRY BOMB!

Meanwhile, Luke, Mace, the robots, and all the other pirsoners (inlcuding Finn but I don't know if he does much right now?) turned a corner. "Sure was nice of the Fixer to let us out of there and disarm the security footage!" Luke said.

"YEAH AND IT"LL BE NICE TO FINALLY LEAVE THIS AWFUL PLACE" said Mace Window. The big ship nearly crushed them. "WHOA LOOK OUT!"

The door opened and Fireeyes said, "Get in here you hoes!"

Luke grinned. "Good ol Fireeyes! Hey, we know how to beat Hacker!" They started to crawl up the ramp, but Buzz and Delete jumped in their way!

"You won't beat our Daddy anytime soon!" Buzz said, aiming a lazer.

"Yeah!" said Del.

DIgit walked out. "My brothers! You don't have to be like our dad! Come with us, we'll set things right!"

"Ummm my insides are getting crowded?" L3 said.

Buzz and Delete looked conflicted. They alwyas admired their bro for standing up to their dad, butt Hacker always told them, "Digit signed his death warrant the moment he betrayed me! When I find him, I willnot dismantle him. I will make his screames the fuel of my ship and keep him in everlasting tormant. And I value him more than both of you combined; so imagine how much YOU will hurt if you don't do as I say!"

Delete cryed. "I'm sorry, Dig. I can't." He shot at Liuke with the blaster, but Luke deflected itt with his lifesaber. It hit Buzzy in the arm. "Ow!"

"Fireeyes!" Luke tossed the lightsaver to his bro. Fireeyes held it in his hand. His one goal. To get Luke's lightsaber.

Buzz went to mess with some wiring outside the falcoln. What a dick!

Delete kept blocking the way, but then FireyeHe used it to slice Delte in half!

Digit cryed but he knew it had to be done.

Buzz and his one arm ran away. The Jesus Squad boarded the ship, but when Fireeyes turned the key it wouldn't crank!

"Ooh I just can't start?" L3 cried.

"What the-"

"What in good hell, indeed!" Hacker showed up, with Largan and the brainwashed army and one arm Buzz at his side. He used the Infinity Gantlet to put Delete back together, but now he had glowing read eyes and stopped crying. "You put up a fight, but you are INSECTS compared to me! I'm about to hack God, and become God!"

But then, the Fixer walked out with the Jesus Squad. "I don't think God will like that very much."

"WHAT" HAcker roared.

Mistake Solo said, "Geez how long is theis story going to take?"


	80. Flash-Hack: The Origin of the Hacker

**THIS IS AN AUTHORS NOTE:**

 **So I wanted to give you guys more backstory on The Hacker, The Hack, etc. Whatever you want to call the man. I have a prequel story to both this book and Cyberchase called, "Flash-Hack", that I just uploaded. It will be in V Parts.**

 **Trigger Warning: It is rated M for Mature.** **** **It is really dark, and you don't have to read it. It isn't important to the plot, so just go ahead to the next chapter if you are weak**


End file.
